Divergent - The story told from Four's perspective
by catchat4
Summary: I wrote this before Veronica Roth's "Four" was released. Normally I try to keep my writings consistent with what the author has written and just add to it but it was impossible to do after reading that book because it didn't leave much unanswered. I had fun imagining Four's back-story & what he was thinking in Divergent before "Four" gave us those answers. So...this is my version.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Choosing Ceremony day. Deep in the chasm most of the boulders are jagged, but there is one rock that is relatively flat and I can sit just above the water and feel the spray on my feet. It is my favorite place at Dauntless. Today the 16 year olds in the city will choose their faction. I am not going to the ceremony to watch. I am an instructor this year so I will be waiting for the Dauntless initiates here at Dauntless headquarters. The ceremony will take place in a few hours.

I see the water churning below me and watch a scrap of paper as it floats past me and my mind begins to wander. I remember my own choosing ceremony, two years ago. I remember how my father, Marcus had coached me for my aptitude test, telling me what to expect and what to choose to ensure that I would get an Abnegation result. Tori, the woman who had administered my aptitude test, had looked at me skeptically and asked if I was aware during the simulation. I lied. I had been aware but Marcus had warned me not to tell anyone if I was. In the end Tori had determined I was Abnegation. Hearing those words felt like a death sentence to me. I didn't care what Marcus wanted or what the aptitude test said. I was allowed to choose any faction I wanted no matter what the test results showed.

It was easy to rule out Candor. For one thing they talk too much. But worse than that was the thought of having to tell the truth about my family, my childhood, myself. I knew I could never do that. I also knew I wouldn't choose Amity. They are supposed to be loving and kind, exactly what I've always craved. But I know myself. I have a short temper and not much patience. I don't trust people in general and have learned to protect myself by putting up walls. I knew I would never feel like I belonged there. So the choices I was left with were Erudite and Dauntless. Erudite? I like to think I'm sort of smart but I wasn't sure I was that smart. I do like computers and technology. And I knew the Erudite don't like the Abnegation. I'm not sure why the animosity between the two factions exists but I knew the more distance I could put between myself and Abnegation the better. But in the end I chose Dauntless. I was tired of feeling weak and defenseless all the time. I wanted to be able to learn to protect myself. When my turn in the ceremony had come I hadn't even flinched when I let the blade of the knife slice the skin on my hand. I had turned directly to the bowl which held fire. I remember the sizzling sound as my blood hit the flaming coals. I heard murmurs of surprise coming from the Abnegation section and shouts and cheers coming from the Dauntless side of the room. Of course the Abnegation were shocked that anyone would choose to leave Abnegation. Not many do. As far as they knew my father was a good and honorable man. He is an Abnegation leader and well respected among them. I know the truth. He was violent behind closed doors when no one was watching. I didn't want to know what his reaction would be. Shock? Embarrassment? Anger? I didn't want to see his face. The thought of his friends consoling him now that he was alone made me sick. I had turned to focus my eyes on the Dauntless. They were my faction now. I was no longer Abnegation and I didn't have to be that scared little boy anymore.

Dauntless hasn't exactly been what I expected or hoped it would be. I chose Dauntless because I wanted to conquer my fears. Early on in training I discovered I didn't have many. Only four. My instructor Amar even nicknamed me "Four" because I had so few obstacles in my fear landscape. I embraced my new name. I was more than happy to leave Tobias behind. But I still have those same four fears. They have never changed. What does that say about me? I'm surprised I haven't been able to conquer any of them. I would have thought understanding some of my fears would have allowed me to eventually move past them. If I stood before my father today I'd like to think I would no longer be the same cowering child I used to be. Unfortunately my fear landscape tells me I am still afraid of my father. Every time I go through the simulation I freeze in terror when I meet him. Will I ever get over it? I have also come to realize that by training for combat I have become a lethal person. It scares me. Sometimes I sense a true darkness in myself. Are those traits I have inherited from Marcus or have I learned those things from Dauntless? I don't know who the woman is in my fear landscape; the one I have to shoot. But I do know that fears are rarely what they appear to be in simulations. I suspect she represents my capacity to kill. My fear of confinement makes sense to me. I understand how being locked in a small closet as a child could do that to a person but that was a long time ago. And heights? Where did that one come from?

I have come to understand that no one is ever without fear, and that's okay. I've changed my perspective of fear. I know now that there will always be some things I'm afraid of and that is true for everyone. I now believe how you face your fear and deal with it is what's important. Becoming fearless isn't the point – that's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear and how to be free from it.

I shift my weight and draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs, pulling my shoes out of the spray of the water. I listen to the roar of the crashing water against the rocks. The solitude I find in this place never lasts long enough for me. I check my watch and decide I still have a few more minutes before I need to leave to meet the new initiates. I close my eyes and lose myself in my memories again.

It was about a year ago while I was at work in the control room when a message was sent to my computer from an anonymous sender. The message itself was coded but I remember how fast my heart started beating when I saw the subject line – it read "blue glass sculpture." To my knowledge only two other people knew about the forbidden object my mother had given me. My mother was dead and I never wanted to see my father again. The code was not difficult to break. The message gave brief instructions to meet at the train yard at a specific time. I didn't sleep at all that night, trying to figure out who could have sent me that message. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered when my mother died. I loved my mother. My mother and I shared secrets. She was the only one who was sometimes able to protect me from Marcus. I was only six years old but I knew there were times my father hit her too. I wasn't able to protect her.

I was awakened early one morning by the sound of many voices. I had crept downstairs to see what was going on when I discovered the house was full of Abnegation members. Marcus was sitting in a chair in the kitchen, not moving, not speaking. An elderly woman whom I barely recognized as the wife of an elder was the first to notice me. She immediately came to me and wrapped her arms around me. She explained to me in a sorrowful voice that my mother had gone to heaven. The next days were a blur to me. People in and out of the house constantly. I just wanted them to all go away. I just wanted my mother again. I was only told that my mother died due to complications during childbirth. The baby didn't live. Marcus always became angry whenever I mentioned my mother so I quickly learned not to speak about her anymore.

I hate Abnegation funerals although I really only remember two of them; my mother's and my aunt's. I was nine years old when Marcus's sister Elizabeth died. I stood by the window half hidden by the curtains in the living room. I remember a little girl with blonde hair kept staring at me. I remember wanting to run away and hide.

I decided to go to the train yard. I stood in the shadows to see who would meet me there. I knew it was her as soon as I saw her outline against the darkening sky. My mother was alive? My mother was alive! I think I was too in shock to say anything at first. She didn't hesitate but came forward to embrace me. I just stood there. She looked thin, old and worn.

She told me things I hadn't known. Marcus suspected she had been unfaithful to him. He questioned if the unborn baby was his child but Evelyn insisted it was. There had already been talk among the council member leaders about what they should do to handle the situation. She was afraid that Marcus would harm her and the baby. She felt she had no other choice but to leave to protect herself.

I completely understood that. I had felt the same way. I had to leave Abnegation too, to protect myself from my father.

"I had to leave Tobias! Do you understand?" she had asked.

No. I didn't understand. I thought she was dead and now she is alive. If she had to leave, why didn't she take me with her? She left me alone with a cruel father who took his anger and frustration out on me. She let me believe all those years that she was dead.

"Your sister was born three weeks later. I named her Emily. She was beautiful."

A sister? I had always wanted a brother or sister. I never even got to see her.

"She became very sick and died a few days later," I barely heard the words as she whispered them.

"Tobias?" My mother had asked while searching my face for some type of response.

I remember how her expression changed, hardened, when I still said nothing. I had wanted to say something, but I couldn't think of anything. My mind was too full – trying to process everything she was telling me. She seemed to talk more to herself as she continued.

"I found out later he told everyone I had died. I think that was for your benefit. I'm sure some of the leaders suspected I was still alive but Abnegation does not tolerate spreading rumors or gossiping. Perhaps they saw my funeral as symbolic and chose to go along with it to protect you and the innocent Abnegation members. How convenient that my "death" would spare him the embarrassment of the situation and he would have the sympathy of the community as well. I always believed you would be alright. I thought you would be better off with him than with me. Life among the Factionless has been difficult but things are changing. People are starting to believe the faction system doesn't work. I asked you to meet me here because I want you to join me…I believe we can change the future of this city."

I finally found my voice. "How could I ever do that?" I had asked.

"The Factionless aren't as bad as you might think," she had replied.

The Factionless? She thinks this is about the factions? Does she really not understand what I've been through? Does she not understand what she did to me?

"No," I said. I had turned and walked away shaking my head. I refused to listen to anything more she had to say.

I've thought many times about what she told me that night. I wasn't surprised to hear that Marcus had lied to me but other Abnegation leaders had gone along with it and knowingly deceived me too?

"People are starting to doubt the faction system," she had said. What exactly does that mean? The factions are what our existence are based on – what would our society be apart from them? And what would it take to change the whole system? Revolution? I don't know that I do believe in the faction system anymore. But do I want to join my mother in some war against our government? I want to love her. I want to forgive her. But she betrayed me. How could I ever trust her again?

When I began my job in the control room after initiation I was surprised to learn that Dauntless was under constant surveillance. That is not common knowledge. I immediately understood the blue lights throughout the compound secretly contained hidden cameras. At first it bothered me that my every move could be monitored. I still don't like the idea but I've slowly grown desensitized to it and don't think about it much anymore. There are very few areas where there is true privacy within the compound. Of course there are no cameras in the leader's apartments – none that I've discovered yet anyway. And I haven't found any evidence of a camera in my own small apartment. I'm not completely convinced that one doesn't exist though. While most of the other control room techs enjoy spying on their fellow members during the long hours of their shifts I prefer to explore the computer network I have access to. I don't consider myself to be a great computer hacker but I want to be as informed as possible about what is going on around me. Covering my tracks has been easy. At least I think I have covered my tracks well. The one private place I have discovered is my spot deep within the chasm. A narrow path that blends in with the uneven rock wall follows the edge of the Pit and leads down among the large stones just above the water. There is a camera that overlooks the river but all that can be seen is the trail disappearing among the rocks. There are half a dozen other cameras that give a better view of anything going on around the chasm so this camera isn't monitored and is usually in an inactive status. Every shift I work in the control room I check this camera to make sure it has remained unused. The few times it has been turned on for some reason I always check the footage and then make sure the camera is deactivated again. I like to escape to this spot when I want to be alone; a place where I know for sure that no one is watching me. The roar of the water is loud so I can't say it's quiet there but at least it is secluded. To my knowledge I've never been caught on video going there.

I have wondered why we are being monitored at all. What is the point? Dauntless are the ones who are supposed to provide security so why are we being surveyed? Slowly the pieces of the puzzle began to come together in my mind. The answer is control. We are watched to make sure our actions match our words. That is why being divergent is dangerous. The divergent aren't predictable. The divergent do not accept and follow the rules without question. But then I discovered that it's not just the Dauntless that are watching us. It was months before I found a way to get through the network security and realized the Erudite also have access to the Dauntless network and can see all our surveillance. Spies have been watching the spies. But what possible reason could Erudite have for wanting to know what the Dauntless do? Do all the factions have similar surveillance courtesy of the Erudite? Is the whole city secretly being watched from Erudite headquarters? What about the security on the fence that surrounds the city? What lies beyond the fence? It was a midnight trip on the train to the fences' control room to help fix a computer glitch that I first noticed the lights were still on in Erudite after hours. Why would Erudite need light all night long? I solved that mystery just a few weeks ago and I have no idea what to do with the information I discovered. From the documents I saw I believe Erudite is planning to attack Abnegation.

I look at my watch and realize I have been lost in my thoughts for too long. The new initiates will be arriving soon. I get up and start back towards the Pit.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

I stand on the platform near the net. Lauren stands nearby and the other Dauntless who didn't go to the choosing ceremony mill around in the hallways and tunnels nearby talking. As usual they are a rowdy bunch and their loud conversations fill the space. This is an annual event the Dauntless look forward to.

Lauren will be the instructor for the Dauntless-born initiates and I will be overseeing the transfers. I think about Max and Eric and what the next few weeks hold for the initiates that choose Dauntless as their faction today. The current Dauntless leaders are cruel and I disagree with their ideas of what being Dauntless is. The worst part is they will train the new initiates to be just as ruthless as they are. Maybe if I had accepted the offer to be a Dauntless leader I could have prevented some of the unnecessarily cruel training tactics they practice now. But the idea of having to enforce policies I was so opposed to was repulsive to me. I couldn't go along with it. Even then, just after initiation, I already felt like I didn't really belong in Dauntless. I wasn't sure that I would ever feel I really belonged here. But what other option did I have? I had made my choice. It was Dauntless or Factionless. I also knew that because I was divergent I might be putting myself at risk of discovery if I was in a position of authority. Too many people would be watching me. What I didn't count on at the time was that Eric would be offered the leadership job when I turned it down. Eric despised me from the beginning, from the first time I knocked him out in our first fight. He tried so hard to beat me at anything and everything during initiation. And every time I came out on top it only fueled his hatred of me. Now he has authority over me and he likes to remind me of that every chance he gets.

A few weeks ago I volunteered to be the instructor for the transfers this year. I think it surprised him. Normally I avoid Eric. But Dauntless is my chosen faction. Dauntless became my place of refuge. I feel like I owe this place something and maybe keeping Eric from torturing a few initiates is the most I can do. The truth is I've decided to leave Dauntless as soon as this next initiation class is finished. I don't belong here. Maybe it's because I'm divergent but I've come to believe that I don't really belong in any faction. How can you fit into any one category? Does anyone? I can defend myself on the streets thanks to my Dauntless training. I've been taught to be considerate of others since I was born. I believe in honesty. I'm intelligent. Kindness, well, I still consider that one a work in progress.

I think of the tattoos on my back and what they represent to me. My first tattoo was the flames over the ribs on my right side. The pain had been excruciating. But I was no stranger to pain. Dauntless initiation consisted of fighting, mental and emotional torture and had pushed all of us to our breaking point. It was strange, I almost had to laugh with a dark humor, that Marcus had prepared me for Dauntless training in a way I had never expected. Next I had chosen the Dauntless symbol at the top of my spine. I still believed in Dauntless then. It was during initiation that I realized selflessness and bravery aren't very different. Shauna wasn't very good at fighting but when I tried to offer her some advice Eric reported it. Max made it clear, threatened really, that each initiate was to train only on their own or with instructors. I helped Shauna train at night after everyone was asleep after that. If Amar was aware of it he never said anything. I kind of liked Shauna, I thought she was pretty. Of course having just transferred from Abnegation I was too timid to ever tell her. I was from Abnegation – a Stiff. Tori probably thought I was crazy when I requested the Abnegation symbol under the Dauntless one. And eventually I had the other three added too. I don't want to be just one thing. I want to live the virtues of all the factions. They each have an important part in our society and I never want to diminish the value of one in favor of another. No one except Tori has ever seen the collection of tattoos that now cover my back. I don't know if she has guessed the significance of them. I used to worry that she would interpret all the faction symbols as a mark of being divergent but she has never said anything and minds her own business. I trust her.

I break out of my daydream when I hear voices far above my head and know the initiates have arrived. I suspect most of the Dauntless members show up for this because they like to bet on the new initiates. How many transfers to Dauntless? Did any of the Dauntless-born defect? Did any of them not make it on the train and are already Factionless just minutes after the choosing? They had to jump off the train onto the roof above the compound and it's always a possibility that someone could fall to their death…it's happened before. And of course, who will be the first jumper? 99% of the time the first jumper is Dauntless-born but not always. And then will it be a boy or a girl? That's Dauntless, always wanting to compete about something – it doesn't take much. I look up into the hole in the ceiling where I can see a few clouds dotting the blue sky and wait. I hear Max's booming voice and I imagine the speech he is giving the initiates now – the same speech I heard two years ago when I was standing near that ledge. A minute later when the first initiate jumps I see a gray blur and a girl with blonde hair hits the net. She peers back up through the hole before she covers her face with her hands, stunned for a minute while trying to get her breath. Then she begins to laugh. I'm not sure if she's laughing from relief or hysteria. We reach out to her and she grabs my hand. All my brain can register is the gray clothes. Abnegation. An Abnegation girl jumped first?

"Thank you," she says politely when I have helped her off the net and she is standing on the platform.

"Can't believe it," Lauren says behind me. "A Stiff the first to jump? Unheard of."

I take a long look at the girl. Her hair is windblown and her clothes are smudged with dirt, probably from jumping on and off the train to get here. Dauntless usually regard Abnegation, or "Stiffs" as they are called, as mild-mannered wimps who follow all the rules. Transfers from Abnegation to Dauntless are rare. In fact, other than myself I can't think of anyone else who has ever come from Abnegation. Maybe I alone realize just to make it this far requires a fierce determination. I can't help wonder why she would leave Abnegation and choose Dauntless.

"There's a reason why she left them Lauren," I say.

"What's your name?" I ask her.

"Um…" she hesitates.

I can't help smiling a little. I didn't want to give my name when I first got here either. I didn't want anyone to know who my father was. I don't know if this girl is running away from something or running toward something but I can understand wanting to start over again with a new name and a new identity.

"Think about it," I say. "You don't get to pick again."

"Tris," she says firmly, after a moment of thought.

"Tris," Lauren repeats. "Make the announcement Four."

I turn to the crowd and shout "First jumper – Tris!"

The Dauntless crowd around us erupts, giving a deafening cheer.

I put a hand on the Abnegation girl's back, which I feel stiffen at my touch. "Welcome to Dauntless," I say to her.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

When the rest of the initiates have made the jump and gathered near the bottom of the platform, Lauren and I take them down a long stone tunnel that leads to the main compound.

"This is where we divide," Lauren tells them when we finally stop. The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume you don't need a tour of the place."

Her group breaks off into a branching tunnel leaving me with nine initiates – the transfers. I take a minute to look over my group and size them up. Five boys. Four girls. Five Candor, three Erudite and one Abnegation. There are no Amity transfers this year. For the most part they look physically fit. One large boy wearing black and white looks as big and clumsy as an ox. On the flip side the girl from Abnegation looks so tiny and frail…but she has a look of determination on her face. She's small but there's something about her. Maybe it's her size or because she's the only transfer from Abnegation that makes her stand out to me…that and she was the first jumper. Even I didn't jump first. I pull my eyes away from her and look at the initiates as a group. I wonder how many of them will make the top ten and become Dauntless members?

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks I am your instructor," I say. "My name is Four."

"Four? Like the number?" a tall dark-skinned Candor girl asks me.

"Yes," I say. "Is there a problem?"

"No," she quickly replies.

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It –" I'm interrupted again. What is it with Candor?

The same girl laughs "The Pit? Clever name."

I'm already losing patience with this girl. I don't like questions and I hate being interrupted. I walk up to her and lean in, hovering over her a minute without speaking to make her uncomfortable.

"What's your name?" I finally ask in a low even tone.

"Christina," she replies in a shaky voice.

"Well Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths I would have joined their faction," I say. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?"

Her head bobs up and down in acknowledgment. I turn around and continue to walk toward the Pit. So much for working on kindness. Maybe I was a little hard on her, but she deserved it. Besides, I know Max would tell me they need to learn quickly to respect Dauntless authority. We finally reach the end of the hallway and I push two doors open and the Pit is revealed before us. The Pit is a huge hole in the ground that ends in a glass building that reaches above-ground. Carved into the stone walls with narrow paths connecting them are a variety of different shops which offer everything members could want or need. As usual the Dauntless gather in noisy groups throughout the cavern. It is never quiet and still here.

"If you follow me I'll show you the chasm." I wave them forward, leading them to the river. "The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" I yell so they can hear me above the roar of the water. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You have been warned." I don't personally know of anyone who has jumped but I've heard stories. I lead them across the Pit and into the dining hall.

When we walk in the Dauntless rise up from their chairs making a lot of noise as usual. They yell, pump their fists in the air and stomp their feet on the ground. This is how they welcome their new initiates. I decide to sit with them for their first meal here. I find myself sitting next to Tris and inwardly smile when I notice her inspecting her food, trying to decide what it is. I remember my first encounter with Dauntless food, so different from Abnegation. I nudge her with my elbow.

"It's beef. Put this on it." I say as I pass her a small bowl of ketchup.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina asks with a look of shock on her face.

"No," Tris replies. "Is that what it's called?"

"Stiffs eat plain food," I explain.

"Why?" Christina asks.

"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary," Tris says to her.

"No wonder you left," Christina scoffs.

"Yeah," Tris retorts, rolling her eyes. "It was just because of the food."

I suddenly notice the dining hall has become much too quiet. I look over to the entrance where Eric has just walked in. He adapted to Dauntless standards quickly during our initiation. Outwardly with the tattoos, facial piercings and long hair he looks Dauntless. Inwardly he adopted a cruel and heartless demeanor so now he acts like the other Dauntless leaders.

"Who's that?" Christina whispers.

"His name is Eric," I reply. "He's a Dauntless leader."

"Seriously? But he's so young," she replies.

I look at her. "Age doesn't matter here."

Eric walks over and sits next to me. Terrific.

"Well aren't you going to introduce me?" Eric asks in a falsely-pleasant voice and nods towards the girls.

"This is Tris and Christina," I say.

"Ooh, a Stiff," Eric says with a cruel smile. "We'll see how long you last."

Anger bubbles up inside me. If she came here it doesn't matter what she looks like or which faction she came from. She chose Dauntless. She made a brave choice. Instinctively I sense that Eric will be harder on her during training than anyone else. Because she's from Abnegation. Because I'm from Abnegation. He hates me and Tris and I came from the same place so he already hates her too. I suddenly know I will need to watch over her. Defend her. Protect her if I can.

Eric taps his fingers on the table and turns his attention to me.

"What have you been doing lately Four?" he asks.

I shrug. "Nothing really," I reply as casually as I can.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested I find out what's going on with you."

I study Eric's pierced face before carefully replying. "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So he wants to give you a job," Eric says.

"So it would seem," I say.

Working under Max, Eric and the other Dauntless leaders? No way! I have no desire to be one of their minions. I'm already dreading the next few weeks of training initiates with Eric constantly hovering over me. Defying Max probably isn't a good idea. When Dauntless leaders offer you a position you don't question it, you accept. He'll make me pay for it. But I won't be here much longer. I just need to hold on for a few more weeks.

"And you aren't interested?"

"I haven't been interested for two years," I reply. Careful. I need to be careful around Eric. But my patience is wearing thin. I am done with this conversation.

"Well, let's hope he gets the point then," he says as he finally gets up, slapping me on the shoulder much harder than necessary before walking away.

"Are you two...friends?" I hear Tris ask me.

"We were in the same initiate class," I say. "He transferred from Erudite." I intentionally leave out mentioning where I transferred from. My first instinct is always to avoid giving any personal information about myself.

"Were you a transfer too?" she asks now. Did I mention I don't like questions? I'm still tense from dealing with Eric and I don't want to talk anymore.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions. Now I've got Stiffs too?" I reply a little too sharply. I immediately regret it. I definitely need to work on that kindness thing more.

"It must be because you're so approachable," she replies. "You know, like a bed of nails."

I turn and glare at her, irritated by her response. Most people don't talk to me like that. I expect her to look away but she doesn't. She looks a little frightened as we continue to stare at each other but I see something else too. A fierce determination in her eyes. I admire that.

"Careful Tris," I say. The anger that had started to build in me deflates. She's going to need that internal strength if she's going to survive initiation here. But that same determination that will get her through the next few weeks of training can also get her hurt if she crosses the wrong people. I don't want her to get hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

We are just finishing dinner when I see Max standing in the doorway of the dining hall. Our eyes meet and he points at me and then gestures for me to join him. I sigh but stand and head for the door. I guess Eric didn't have enough time to pass along my latest answer.

"Come on," he says. "I want to talk to you."

"But, the new initiates -" I begin.

"Eric will take over for you tonight," he interrupts me and motions for me to follow him.

I don't like the thought of Eric being left alone with the initiates. Traditionally the first night is when the rules and expectations of Dauntless are given to the new initiates. The training will begin tomorrow morning. I'm sure Eric will try to scare the living daylights out of them. And...of course enjoy breaking the news that only the top ten will be made members.

I follow Max silently to his office and sit in the chair he indicates after he settles in behind his desk.

"I'm disappointed in you Four," he begins. "Amar always spoke so highly of you and you've shown great potential but you continue to turn down every position I offer you. I would hate to think the reason is because you are afraid you can't handle the job."

"No," I say. "Of course not."

I can't tell him the reason I kept rejecting his offers is because I don't want to work with him and Eric.

"I enjoy being an instructor," I explain. And I really do. I had first discovered how rewarding teaching could be when I helped Shauna with her fighting. She had improved her skills and even won a few fights. "And I like working with computers," I add.

"Hmmm..." Max says narrowing his eyes. "Well, there may be a time when you won't be offered any more positions. I would have thought a first-ranked initiate would want to do more than teaching someone how to throw a knife or sit in front of a computer all day."

I look at him for a moment before I answer.

"I'll think about it," I say.

I have no intentions of giving it any more thought but maybe if I tell him what he wants to hear that will pacify him for now. I remind myself again that I only need to go along with all of this for a few more weeks and then I plan to leave Dauntless.

I begin to stand but I am only half-way out of my chair when Max speaks again.

"Sit down. There is something else I want to discuss."

Uh-oh I think. Now what?

"Eric has expressed some concern that you will be too easy on the new initiates," he says.

Of course Eric would think that. I won't try to kill them.

"As their instructor," he continues, "you need to make sure they respect you and all Dauntless authority right from the beginning. They need to follow orders immediately and without question. You won't be doing them any favors by coddling them. They are Dauntless now, and if they can't handle it – then they don't belong here. Do I make myself understood?"

"Yes sir," I say.

When the meeting ends and I am finally allowed to leave I walk to the Pit, and stand at the railing overlooking the chasm. Leading up to the start of this initiation I was worried about the initiates and how they were going to survive. But now I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to make it through initiation. Eric and Max are watching me like vultures and now they've decided that I'm not going to be hard enough on the new initiates? All I wanted to do when I volunteered to be their instructor was to train them my way, the way I believe Dauntless should be trained. But now I'm not even going to be able to do that. I remember again Eric's attitude toward Tris in the dining hall. He's going to make initiation as miserable as possible for her and everyone else. I will have to act just as cold and uncaring as Eric and they will probably hate me and think I'm just as bad as him. And then I remember the incident with Christina earlier and realize maybe that's what they already think of me. But I am still determined to try to protect them if I can, even if they don't see it and understand. If things get too bad I'm willing to step in and take the brunt of Eric's wrath if I have to - to spare them. Only a few more weeks I tell myself, and then I can leave Dauntless with a clear conscience – knowing I have done everything I could.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself to explain the stages of initiation. I hate to come across as an intimidating jerk but I'm not here to be their friend. After my meeting with Max last night I know I need to act as strict and unyielding as possible.

The initiates all look tired this morning. I doubt any of them got much sleep but that is to be expected after their first night away from everything they've ever known.

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight," I say as I begin to pass out the guns. "Thankfully if you are here you already know how to get on and off a moving train so I don't need to teach you that." After handing out all the weapons I resume my place, pacing back and forth a short distance in front of them. "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time." I pause a minute before continuing. "We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what..." the initiate named Peter says with a yawn. "What does firing a gun have to do with...bravery?"

I take my gun and press the barrel to Peter's forehead. There is already a bullet in the chamber, ready to fire. Of course I won't shoot him, but he doesn't know that. Peter stops mid-yawn. I think he's in shock.

"Wake up!" I say angrily. "You are holding a loaded gun you idiot. Act like it."

I pull the gun away from Peter's head. I can't be sure but I think I scared him bad enough to make him pee his pants. His cheeks turn red and he glares at me but doesn't say anything. I'm amazed he's able to hold his tongue being from Candor.

"And to answer your question...you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself," I say. I stop my pacing, turn and continue to speak. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."

I turn towards the wall which is lined with targets. I spread my feet shoulder-width apart, and grip the handle of the gun firmly with both hands. I breathe in through my nose and let the air out through my mouth slowly. I pull the trigger and the bullet hits in the middle of the center ring.

The initiates try to follow my example and I stand to the side observing. At first they hold the weapons awkwardly and the recoil from their first shots forces them to take a step or two back towards the wall. It takes them a while but eventually they start to look and feel a little more comfortable and even start to hit the targets. By lunchtime most of them are making real progress but today when we enter the dining hall I don't sit with the initiates.

In the afternoon I lead my group to the room where they will learn to fight. The room has a large wooden floor with a circle painted in the center, a green chalkboard on the wall and a row of black punching bags.

"As I said this morning," I say standing in the center of the ring, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges which you will need if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless. We will go over technique today and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." I glance at Tris. As the smallest initiate I'm afraid she will be hurt anyway. I show them some basic kicks and punches and then demonstrate on the punching bag. I set them free to practice on their own, weaving in and out of the initiates, correcting a few and giving advice to others. I stop in front of Tris and observe her for a few minutes.

"You don't have much muscle," I say. "Which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." My resolve to be cruel and heartless is already wavering. How can I teach them anything if they are afraid of me? I'm just fooling myself. I can't act like Eric – pretend to be as sadistic as he is. It's not who I am. I will be as tough on them as I can, I decide, but I'm going to do this my way. Hopefully by the time it becomes a problem and gets back to Max, initiation will be over and it won't matter anymore.

I step forward and place my hand on her stomach. "Never forget to keep tension here," I say quietly. She looks up at me, her eyes wide. As I walk away I realize I probably scared her anyway without meaning to. The Abnegation aren't accustomed to physical contact from strangers. Affection is rarely shown even between family members. Hopefully I didn't frighten her too much because I want her to trust me. I know she's going to need help, especially with the physical training if she has any hope of avoiding being beaten to a bloody pulp.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," I say to the initiates as I step back from the chalkboard in the training room. I look at Tris. I did not schedule her to fight anyone today.

"Remember what you learned in training," I say. "Know your strengths and weaknesses. Study your opponent. Use whatever abilities you have to your advantage and try to exploit the weaknesses of others."

I call up the first opponents and Will and Al step into the ring. They both put their arms up in the defensive position as I taught them and then slowly circle around each other for awhile until they realize sooner or later one of them is going to have to throw a punch. Finally Al hits Will in the jaw and he stumbles backwards. Will takes another hit before he decides to go on the offensive and trips Al, making him land heavily on the floor but he quickly scrambles to his feet again. They begin to circle each other again but neither attempts to hit the other. They look at me.

I look back, my arms crossed and say nothing. There's nothing I can do.

"Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap time? Fight each other!" Eric shouts.

"But..." Al says, dropping his hands, "is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"

"It ends when one of you is unable to continue," says Eric.

"According to Dauntless rules," I say, "one of you could also concede." Eric gives me a dirty look, almost as if he's disgusted by my suggestion.

"According to the _old_ rules," he says. "In the _new_ rules, no one concedes." Eric's idea of Dauntless and my idea of Dauntless are two completely different things.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," I say.

"A brave man never surrenders," he replies. A fool never surrenders, but then again this is Eric talking. He will never understand the difference.

Eric glares at me, and I glare back. We forget all about the initiate's fight and continue to stare at each other for a few minutes until Al interrupts us.

"This is ridiculous," he says shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"

"Oh, you think it's going to be that easy?" Will retorts, thankfully relieving some of the awkward tension that has begun to build in the room. "Go on. Try to hit me slowpoke."

The fight resumes and eventually Al grabs Will's arm so he can't defend himself and gives him a hard punch in the jaw. Will is knocked out immediately.

Al's body language reflects shock. He drops to Will's side. The initiates stare in astonishment...or maybe that's horror.

I wait. Will should be fine...I think.

Al sits next to Will, tapping his face until his eyes flutter open.

"Get him up," Eric orders impatiently.

I walk to the chalkboard and draw a circle around Al's name. But Al didn't win, not really. I'm already sensing what type of person Al is. Physically he is powerful but he is sensitive. This type of thing doesn't tend to sit well with people like Al. The guilt of hurting Will will slowly gnaw away at him.

Al brings Will's arm up over his shoulder and carries him out of the ring.

"Next up – Molly and Christina!" Eric announces.

I see Al struggling with Will, he still isn't able to stand under his own power. I cross the room and grab Will's side. I really should take him to the infirmary but I hate to leave the initiates alone with Eric. One look at Will's face which still looks slightly dazed and I know I don't have a choice. I lead Will out of the room and follow the hallway which leads to the Pit. Once we reach the infirmary I deposit Will in a chair against the wall and wait with him for a few minutes until a pair of nurses come to collect him and lead him to an examining room.

As I approach the Pit, making my way back to the training room I see a commotion near the chasm and freeze in my tracks. Christina, covered in blood, is dangling over the river. Her fingers gripping the railing are the only thing keeping her from plunging to her death. What did she do? Everything in me wants to run toward the chasm and pull Christina up and over the railing but I am too far away. I can do nothing but stand where I am, my heart thudding in my chest. I can barely breathe.

Eric looks at his watch and slowly gives a signal. Al and Tris rush forward to help Christina over the barrier where she collapses to the ground.

The next morning I enter the training room and find Eric at the chalkboard writing the names of the initiates and matching them up for the day's fights. I stop short when I see Tris' name next to Peter's. I knew Eric would be hard on Tris but I thought he would have more mercy than this. I had planned to put Tris up against Myra for her first fight. I am about to say something when the initiates arrive from the dining hall. I see Tris enter the room and stop mid-step when she sees the board.

"Oh no," I hear Christina say from behind her. "Are they serious? They're really going to make you fight _him_?"

I wish I could explain that I had nothing to do with this. But Eric and I must be the "they" Christina just referred to so that makes it pretty clear that the initiates must see us both as cruel and heartless instructors - no distinction between us. I can't say anything with Eric standing nearby and the initiates probably wouldn't believe me if I told them I was any different anyway. I turn to glare at Eric but he is too busy directing Molly and Edward into the fighting ring to notice me.

The fight between Molly and Edward is quick. I barely notice. I keep glancing at Tris to see how she is handling the stress of knowing her fight against Peter is next. She goes from looking nervous to looking like she's about to be sick. But when the match is over and Molly slowly drags herself from the ring, Tris bravely steps into the arena. She raises her arms in a defensive position but I can't help thinking how vulnerable she looks next to Peter.

"You okay there, Stiff?" Peter taunts. "You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry."

Peter pulls his arms up into fighting position and takes a step toward her.

"Come on, Stiff," he says. "Just one little tear. Maybe some begging."

A look of irritation crosses her face and she attempts to kick Peter in the side but he grabs her leg and knocks her to the ground. She quickly hops to her feet again.

"Stop playing with her," snaps Eric. "I don't have all day."

I fight the impulse to turn on Eric and start hitting him. So eager to see the blood of a small Abnegation girl – it's sick.

The fight continues and gets uglier with each hit. Again and again Peter knocks Tris down and I think it's finally over. But again and again Tris refuses to be defeated and continues to get up and the beating continues.

Finally I can't watch it anymore. If I don't leave I'm going to do or say something I'll regret. I turn towards the door and shove it open as hard as I can. I wish there was something I could do to stop things like this from happening. Being Dauntless isn't about being able to inflict or endure the most pain. But there is nothing I can do – and I hate it.

Still seething I wander the hallways of the Dauntless compound without really paying attention to where I'm going. When I finally calm down I find myself near the infirmary and decide to check on Tris. I know after a beating like that she will be here. I find her in a bed near the nurse's station. I'm not sure if she is unconscious or just asleep but either way I'm glad she has some temporary relief from the pain. Her eye is black, her face bruised, and her lip is cut and swollen. As I stand quietly near the bed looking at her, I'm amazed at her tenacity. She has already earned my respect and admiration. Most people would have given up and stayed on the floor after one or two hits in a fight like that, but she persevered. She is physically the smallest and weakest of the initiates and yet she has faced every challenge thrown at her so far. She has not scored particularly well on anything but she has attempted each task with courage and determination. Maybe it's just stubbornness but I don't think so. I think she is simply brave. She is truly Dauntless.

"Good night Tris," I softly whisper. "Sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

The next morning I meet the initiates near the train outside the Dauntless compound that will take us to the fence near Amity farms. After a few days of fighting, the initiates need a day off to let their bodies rest and do a little healing so a field trip to the see how fence patrols work has been scheduled.

The train is already thundering along the tracks towards us when I see the last of the initiates running to join us. They make it just in time.

I stand aside and let a few of the initiates board the train before I grab the handle on a car as it passes and pull myself inside.

Bringing up the rear, I see Tris jogging next to the train, looking for her opportunity to jump in. I'm glad her injuries from yesterday's fight were not severe enough to keep her from coming with us today but I imagine every movement she makes must be painful.

She grabs the handle of the train car and Al reaches down and pulls her into the car by her arms like he is lifting a child.

"Feeling okay there?" Peter jokes. "Or are you a little..._Stiff_?"

"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will retorts.

"Yeah are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite Peter?" Christina says "I hear they don't object to sissies."

I don't want to listen to this the whole way there so I decide to put and end to it right away.

"Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?" I ask before Peter can make any more comments.

It works.

I turn to the car's door and grab the handles. I lean out into the wind and close my eyes. I have never been afraid of the speed of the trains, only the heights of the trains in some areas of the city. Here as the train makes it's way out of the city it runs along close to the ground and I love the feeling of the wind against my body. I take in deep breaths of fresh air and try to drown out the chatter of the initiates talking.

"Follow me," I say over my shoulder when we have disembarked from the train near the Amity farms. "If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation you will probably end up here. Once you are a fence guard there is some potential for advancement but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms but -" I am interrupted again.

"Patrols for what purpose?" Will asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying, for the most part those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."

"What rank were you?" Peter asks me.

I look Peter straight in the eye. "I was first." Normally I wouldn't want to answer questions like that about myself. I don't feel comfortable when people give me looks of admiration. I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging. I guess those are the Abnegation qualities I still hold. But with Peter...he can use a healthy dose of respect for me. I want him to know without a doubt I outrank him any day and I can hurt him the same way he hurt Tris yesterday.

"And you chose to do this?" Peter asks in shock. "Why didn't you get a government job?"

"I didn't want one," I say, ending the conversation.

We continue to walk towards the fence and stop at the gate. Dauntless guards pull open the doors for a truck filled with apples. I go to talk to one of the guards so I am only half aware that one of the Amity boys recognizes Tris. I don't catch all of the conversation but I do notice that he calls her Beatrice.

"Beatrice?" Molly says laughing. "Is that your real name Stiff?"

"What did you think Tris was short for?" she snaps back.

"Oh, I don't know...weakling?" Molly replies. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."

"There's no need to antagonize her" Tris' friend says. "I'm Robert, and you are?"

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is," Molly says. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."

Tris glares at her. "Why don't you get away from us?"

"Right," Molly says with a smirk. "Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend."

By the time I finish my conversation her friend is getting into the truck and waves to her as they pull away. The Dauntless close and lock the gate. I step toward her.

"I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions," I say to her.

She folds her arms. "It was a two minute conversation."

"I don't think the smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." I pull my hand up to her beat up eye and touch it lightly. She pulls away but I don't. I frown and let out an involuntary sigh. I want to help her. I want her to trust me. What can I say or do to earn her respect? "You know, if you could just learn to attack first you might do better," I say with concern.

"Attack first?" she asks me. "How will that help?"

I really do think it will help her. It's the best advice I can give her to avoid a repeat of yesterday's beating. "You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." I pull my hand from her face.

"I'm surprised you know that," she says back in a quiet voice. "Since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

She noticed that I left? I'm surprised she had any awareness about anything going on around her except Peter using her as a punching bag.

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch," I answer honestly. But that's too simple an explanation. I want her to know that I had nothing to do with matching her against Peter. I am not cruel and sadistic like Eric. I want more than anything for her to understand that I have no desire to see her beaten and bloodied. I believe in a different kind of Dauntless. There are a lot of things I would like to tell her...and being from Abnegation too I think she would understand. But I don't know how to say what I want to say. I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I hear a horn blaring in the distance and I clear my throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go Tris."


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Everybody up!" Eric calls loudly as he opens the door to the dormitory and the group of Dauntless members file in with flashlights. I know the initiates have got to be tired after another day of fighting – I'm tired too. Tonight we are playing capture the flag. At least if we have to lose sleep it will be doing something fun.

I scan the room of startled initiates as they tumble out of bed. My eyes land on Tris who is sitting up in her bunk, peering through the darkness, trying to figure out what is happening.

"Did you go deaf Stiff?" Eric snaps at her and she gets out of bed. "You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," Eric says, addressing the whole group. "We're going on another field trip."

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric yells when all the initiates have made it to the area where boxes of paintballs have been stacked near a pile of guns. The initiates rush forward.

"Time estimate?" Eric asks me.

I look at my watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?" I ask him.

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric replies.

The train arrives and I jump on first. I turn around and see Tris running beside the train. I reach out to help her. She grabs my arm and I pull her up easily. When everyone is on the train I address the crowd to explain what we are going to do.

"We'll be diving into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car shifts a bit so I grab the side of the door to steady myself. "This is a Dauntless tradition so I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" someone calls out.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," I say. "You get to win of course."

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says and looks at me. "Let's divide up transfers first shall we?"

"You go first," I say to him. I already know who Eric will pick first. He'll choose Edward.

Eric shrugs his shoulders while skimming the group of transfers as if this will take a lot of consideration. "Edward."

I do the same, briefly looking over the initiates but I already know who I want on my team. "I want the Stiff." I hear the laughter and see embarrassment flood Tris' face. I know she probably hates the Abnegation nickname. I didn't like it either but I hope even though it is used to make fun of her, it reminds her of where she came from.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

I shrug it off but I know something he doesn't know: she isn't weak. I see Tris looking down and her embarrassment turns to an angry look of determination. I wonder if she realizes how strong she really is?

"Something like that," is all I say. "Your turn," I add.

"Peter," Eric calls. Typical. Eric will continue to go down the list, choosing the strongest initiates. But you don't need strength to win this game. You need brains and speed. I want the initiates that are going to be smart, quick and have agility. I know why Eric didn't end up in Erudite.

"Christina," I say.

"Molly."

"Will," I say biting my fingernail.

"Al."

"Drew."

"Last one left is Myra. So she's with me," Eric says. "Dauntless-born initiates next."

We continue to take turns picking. I'm satisfied with my team when we finish.

Eric looks at me and smiles. "Your team can get off second," he says.

"Don't do me any favors," I return his smile. "You know I don't need them to win." I'm about to get what I want, again.

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," Eric snaps. "Take your scrawny team and get off first then."

My team stands and we jump off the train. While I'm waiting for all the initiates to gather together I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see a Dauntless-born initiate, Marlene, looking up at me.

"When your team won, where did you put the flag?" she asks innocently.

I'm not fooled for a second. Marlene is a flirt. She is the type of girl who will use her good looks femininity to get what she wants. I know what she wants is for me to tell her how to win but I'm not going to do that. Playing capture the flag is fun but there is a something to be learned from it too and they need to figure it out for themselves.

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise Marlene," I say.

"Come on Four," she says, smiling. I move her hand and look away. Marlene is a pretty girl but I'm not falling for this.

"Navy Pier," Uriah, another one of the Dauntless-born says. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."

"Let's go there then," Will says.

When no one objects we all turn and head in that direction. The faint moonlight illuminates the Erudite buildings in the distance, the tall grassy marshland and the Ferris wheel looming ahead. I pay no attention to the conversation around me and listen instead to the crickets chirping, the sound of our footsteps and the whistle of the wind. We cross a bridge, make our way down the pier and finally reach the carousel.

I pull the flag from my pocket. "In ten minutes the other team will pick their location," I say. I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."

Will holds out his hand so I give him the flag.

"Some people should stay here and guard and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," he says to the group.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlene asks taking the flag. "Who put you in charge transfer?"

"No one," Will replies. "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," Christina says.

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah says. "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."

I sit down on the edge of the carousel and lean back against a horse with chipped paint and a broken tail. I would actually enjoy helping them form a strategy but I know I shouldn't help them. I listen to the ideas being discussed and tilt my head back to look at the moon. I pull my hand to the back of my neck and relax, even though I clutch the gun against me. Out of the corner of my eye I notice someone who had been standing in the back quietly slip away from the group. Tris? Where is she going? I leave the initiates who continue to argue amongst themselves with one of the Dauntless members and follow Tris at a distance to see what she's planning. She heads for the Ferris wheel and stands below it for a few minutes, looking up, studying the structure. She walks to a rusty ladder and grabs a rung, testing it to see if it will hold her weight. Is she seriously thinking of climbing up this thing?

"Tris," I say in a low voice, moving my gun to my back.

She looks behind her. "Yes?"

"I came to find out what you think you're doing," I say.

"I'm seeking higher ground," she says. "I don't think I'm doing anything."

I smile. This is exactly why I picked her to be on my team. Smart, brave and determined. Getting a bird's eye view of the area is a good idea but climbing the Ferris wheel – is she crazy? I can't let her do that alone. Maybe I'm crazy for thinking about going with her. "All right. I'm coming," I say.

She looks at me carefully like she's lost in thought for a second. I'm afraid of heights, can she already see fear building in me? "I'll be fine," She finally says.

"Undoubtedly," I reply.

Just don't look down I tell myself as we begin to climb. I concentrate on her shoes on the ladder in front of me and place my hands on the rungs as her feet leave them. But I can already feel my breaths coming shorter and faster as the distance between us and the ground grows. I need to distract myself from thinking about it. Maybe talking will help.

"So tell me..." I say. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."

She looks down...how can she do that?

"Learning about strategy," she finally says after a moment of thought. "Teamwork, maybe."

"Teamwork," I repeat. I give a little laugh at that answer but it comes out sounding high and squeaky and I wonder if she can hear the nervousness in my voice.

"Maybe not," she says. "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be," I tell her.

The wind is picking up. It's stronger the higher we climb and only reminds me how far above the ground we must be now. I'm having trouble controlling my breathing. I see her lean into the ladder and she's shaking slightly but she looks down toward the carousel again...heights don't seem to bother her.

Don't look down. Keep the conversation going I command myself.

"Now tell me..." I say gasping for breath. "What do you think learning strategy has to do with...bravery?" I know my voice sounds shaky now.

"It...it prepares you to act," she says after a moment. "You learn strategy so you can use it." She climbs a few more rungs.

"Are you all right Four?"

"Are you human Tris? Being up this high..." I can barely breathe "It doesn't scare you at all?"

She looks towards the ground but I don't see fear until a sudden gust of wind pushes her body too far to the side and I hear her gasp.

Instinctively, before I really know what I'm doing, I reach up and my hand grabs her hip and pushes her body back to the side to help her to regain her balance.

My fear momentarily forgotten, I ask "You okay?"

"Yes," she says but for the first time she seems nervous. We continue up the ladder without conversation until we reach a little platform at the center of the wheel. No rails. She gets on first and sits, moving so I have room to sit next to her, and dangles her legs over the side. Instead I crouch in the center, pressing my back to the metal frame but I don't even feel like that is stable. I focus on breathing.

"You're afraid of heights," she says suddenly. "How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"

Yeah, I knew there was no way I could hide this fear. No point in trying to deny it. I look at her and tell her the truth. "I ignore my fear," I say. "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist." I wait, wondering what her response will be. Will she understand? Will she have any sympathy? Will she just laugh? She looks at me for a long moment as if searching my face for some answer. At least I don't see any amusement in her expression.

She continues to study my face so I finally ask a little shyly "What?"

"Nothing." She looks away and out towards the darkened city. But, the view is blocked by a tall building. "We're not high enough," she says looking up. She stands and says "I'm going to climb." She grabs one of the bars above her head and begins to pull herself up.

"For God's sake Stiff," I say complaining. This girl really is crazy!

"You don't have to follow me," She calls back but just as she says it I see her sway a little as she places a foot on a cross bar and reaches up for the next bar to grab.

I've already made up my mind. "Yes I do," I say even though this is not what I want to do. I can feel how tense my entire body is. We climb in silence for a while. I wish I could enjoy the view but to me this is a different kind of breathtaking. I pull my eyes from the horizon and concentrate again on Tris' shoes just above me. We climb even higher. Finally she stops and looks out and I pull my body up behind her, blocking her from the strong winds.

"See that?" she asks pointing to something.

I move my head a little closer to hers, just over her shoulder. "Yeah," I say and feel a smile creep up on my face. I can see the tiny pulsing light on the ground. It's our opponent's flag. "It's coming from the park at the end of the pier. Figures. It's surrounded by open space but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough."

"Okay," she says. "Um..." she clears her throat "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."

I give my head a nod and begin the long climb down. I can feel my muscles quivering uncontrollably. Luckily my legs and arms are long enough that I can reach easily between the bars. I can find the next step by touch which is good because I can't bring myself to look down at my feet, afraid I'll get dizzy if I see how far above the ground we are.

Suddenly I hear clanging above me and my head jerks back to look up and see Tris dangling from the scaffolding. Her arms are not long enough to reach the next bar.

"Four!" she screeches.

It only takes me a second to decide what to do. I'll never be able to reach out between the bars and hold her weight, I might drop her. Her only chance is if I can get the wheel to turn and let it guide her to the ground. I'm already descending down the wheel as fast as I can when I yell up to her "Hold on! Just hold on, I have an idea."

"Four!" I hear her again as I reach the bottom of the ladder and my feet are finally back on the earth again. Hold on Tris, please hold on I beg in my mind. I find the control panel and look at gears and buttons and levers trying to make sense of them in my mind. I move a lever, frantically hoping it's the right one and above me I hear the wheel creaking as it slowly begins to move. I realize I've been holding my breath and let it out, silently pleading she can continue to hold on until she is close enough to drop and roll out of the way.

The seconds are agonizingly slow until I hear a thud and I know she has hit the ground. I let go of the lever that had released the wheel and run towards her, praying she survived the fall and wasn't dragged under the car as it passed above the ground before beginning it's ascent again. I see her lying on the cement, her hands covering her eyes. I grab her wrists and pry her hands from her face.

"You all right?" I ask as a take her hands in mine.

"Yeah," she answers weakly.

All the fear and tension pent up inside me from the climb and now her rescue breaks. Relief floods through me. I start to laugh. She joins in my laughing and sits up. I stand and easily pull her up with me.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked," she says matter-of-factly. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known," I say. "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."

I taker her arm and smile, still so relieved that she is okay. We head back toward the carousel. I'm walking too fast due to adrenaline and excitement and she is jogging-limping beside me trying to keep up with my long strides.

Christina, three other initiates and a Dauntless girl wait at the carousel with our flag.

"Where'd the others go?" I ask.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" the Dauntless member asks. "What were you thinking? You might as well have just shouted "'here we are! Come and get us!" She complains. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"

"The wheel doesn't matter," I say. "We know where they are."

"We?" Christina asks looking from me to Tris.

"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," I explain.

"What do we do now then?" asks one of the initiates through a yawn.

I look down at Tris and wait for her to take the lead.

"Split in half," she decides. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag."

"Sounds good," the older girl says clapping her hands together. "Let's get this night over with shall we?"

Christina and Uriah join Tris and head off to the left while I lead the others along the pier to the right to begin the charge. When we are within range we start to yell to draw attention and the paintballs start to fly. The other team rushes forward leaving their flag almost unguarded. I shoot two initiates before I duck behind a tree. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. The battle is quick and the shooting dies down. I step from behind my cover in time to see Christina snatch the flag from a branch. She holds it high and whoops. The rest of the team shouts in triumph and gathers around her. Off to the side Tris stands alone watching the scene with a big smile on her face. I know Christina will get a lot of recognition for being the one to actually grab the flag but I also know who the real hero of the night is. I walk up behind Tris and put my hand on her shoulder. "Well done," I say quietly.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

(Free Four: Tobias tells the story by Veronica Roth)

I wouldn't have volunteered to train the initiates if not for the smell of the training room – the scent of dust and sweat and sharpened metal. This was the first place I ever felt strong. Every time I breathe this air I feel it again.

At the end of the room is a slab of wood with a target painted on it. Against one wall is a table covered with throwing knives – ugly metal instruments with a hole at one end, perfect for inexperienced initiates. Lined up across from me are the faction transfers, who still bear, in one way or another, the mars of their old factions: the straight-backed Candor, the steady-eyed Erudite, and the Stiff, leaning into her toes so she's ready to move.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," Eric says.

He doesn't look at me. I hurt his pride yesterday, and not just during capture the flag – Max pulled me aside at breakfast to ask how the initiates were doing, as if Eric was not the one in charge. Eric was sitting at the table next to mine at the time, scowling into his bran muffin.

"You will resume fighting then," Eric continues. "Today you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives and pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them." His eyes fall somewhere north of mine, like he is standing above me. I straighten up. I hate when he treats me like his lackey, like I didn't knock out one of his teeth during our own initiation.

"Now!"

They scramble for knives like factionless kids over a spare piece of bread, too desperate. All except her, with her deliberate movements, her blond head slipping between the shoulders of taller initiates. She doesn't try to look comfortable with the blades balancing on her palms, and that is what I like about her, that she knows these weapons are unnatural yet she finds a way to wield them.

Eric walks toward me, and I back away by instinct. I try not to be afraid of him, but I know how smart he is and that if I'm not careful he'll notice that I keep staring at her, and that will be my undoing. I turn toward the target, a knife in my right hand.

I requested that the knife-throwing be taken from the training curriculum this year, because it serves no actual purpose other than fueling the Dauntless bravado. No one here will ever use it except to impress someone, the way I will impress them now. Eric would say that dazzling people can be useful, which is why he denied my request, but it's everything I hate about Dauntless.

I hold the knife by its blade so the balance is right. My initiation instructor, Amar, saw that I had a busy mind, so he taught me to tie my movements to my breaths. I inhale, stare at the target's center. I exhale, and throw. The knife hits the target. I hear a few of the initiates draw breath at the same time.

I find a rhythm in it; inhale and pass the next knife to my right hand, exhale and turn it with my fingertips, inhale and watch the target, exhale and throw. Everything goes dark around the center of that board. The other factions call us brutish, as if we don't use our minds, but that is all I do here.

Eric's voice breaks my daze. "Line up!"

I leave the knives in the board to remind the initiates of what is possible, and stand against the side wall. Amar was also the one who gave me my name, back in the days when the first thing initiates did upon arriving in the Dauntless compound was go through our fear landscapes. He was the sort of person who made a nickname stick, so likeable that everyone imitated him.

He's dead now, but sometimes, in this room, I can still hear him scolding me for holding my breath.

She doesn't hold her breath. That's good – one less bad habit to break. But she has a clumsy arm, awkward as a chicken leg.

Knives are flying but, most of the time, not spinning. Even Edward hasn't figured it out, though he's usually the quickest, his eyes alive with the Erudite knowledge – craving.

"I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head!" Peter says. "Hey Stiff! Remember what a knife is?"

I don't usually hate people, but I hate Peter. I hate that he tries to shrink people, the same way Eric does.

Tris doesn't answer, just picks up a knife and throws, still with that awkward arm, but it works – I hear metal slam against board, and I smile.

"Hey Peter," Tris says, "Remember what a target is?"

I watch each of them, trying not to catch Eric's eye as he paces like a caged animal behind them. I have to admit that Christina is good – though I don't like giving credit to Candor smart-mouths. And so is Peter – though I don't like giving credit to future psychopaths. Al, however, is just a walking, talking sledgehammer, all power and no finesse.

It's a shame Eric also notices.

"How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" he says, his voice strained.

Al the Sledgehammer has unexpectedly soft insides. The taunting pierces them. When he throws again, the knife sails into a wall.

"What was that, initiate?" Eric says.

"It – it slipped."

"Well, I think you should go get it."

The initiates stop throwing.

"Did I tell you to stop?" Eric says, his pierced eyebrows raised.

This is not good.

"Go get it?" says Al. "But everyone's still throwing!"

"And?"

"And I don't want to get hit."

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better then you. Go get your knife."

"No."

The Sledgehammer strikes again, I think. The response is stubborn but there is no strategy in it. Still, it takes more bravery for Al to say no than for Eric to force him to get a knife to the back of the head, which is something Eric will never understand.

"Why not? Are you afraid?"

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife?" says Al. "Yes, I am!"

My body gets heavy as Eric raises his voice. "Everyone stop!"

The first time I met Eric he wore blue and his hair was parted down the side. He was trembling as he approached Amar to receive the injection of fear-landscape serum into his neck. During his fear landscape, he never moved an inch; he just stood still, screaming into clenched teeth, and somehow maneuvered his heartbeat down to an acceptable level using his breath. I didn't know it was possible to conquer fear in your body before you did it in your mind. That was when I knew I should be wary of him.

"Clear out of the ring," Eric says. Then, to Al; "All except you. Stand in front of the target."

Al, gulping, lumbers over to the target. I pull away from the wall. I know what Eric will do. And it will probably end with a lost eye or a pierced throat; with horror, as every fight I've witnessed has, each one driving me further and further from the faction I chose as a haven.

Without looking at me, Eric says, "Hey, Four. Give me a hand here, huh?"

Part of me feels relief. At least I know that if I am throwing the knives instead of Eric, Al is less likely to get injured. But I also can't be this cruel, and I can't be the one who does Eric's dirty work.

I try to act casual, scratching my eyebrow with a knife point, but I don't feel casual. I feel like someone is pressing me into a mold that does not fit my body, forcing me into the wrong shape.

Eric says, "you're going to stand there as he throws those knives until you learn not to flinch."

My chest feels tight. I want to save Al, but the more I defy Eric, the more determined he will be to put me in my place. I decide to pretend that I am bored by the whole thing.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I have the authority here, remember?" Eric says, "Here, and everywhere else."

I can feel blood creeping into my face as I stare at him, and he stares back. Max asked me to be a faction leader and I should have said yes; I would have, if I had known that I would prevent things like this, things like dangling initiates over the chasm and forcing them to beat each other senseless.

I realize that I have been squeezing the knives so tightly that the handles have left impressions on my palms. I have to do what Eric says. My other choice is leaving the room, and if I leave, Eric will throw the knives himself, which I can't allow. I turn toward Al.

And then she says – I know it's her because her voice is low, for a girl's, and careful - "Stop it."

I don't want Eric to turn on her instead. I glare at her as if that will make her think twice. I know it won't. I'm not stupid.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target," Tris says. "It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying him. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."

Dauntless brutes – bullies, lower-level children – that is what we are, beneath the tattoos and the piercings and the dark clothing.

Maybe I am stupid. I have to stop thinking of her this way.

"Then it should be easy for you," Eric says, pushing his hair back so it curls around his ear. "If you're willing to take his place."

And then his eyes shift to mine, just for a second. It's like he knows, he knows I have a thing for her, so he's going to force me to throw knives at her. For an instant – no, longer than an instant – I think of throwing a knife at him instead. I could hit him in the arm, or the leg, no harm done...

"There goes your pretty face," Peter says, across the room. "Oh, wait. You don't have one."

I barely register the comment. I am too busy watching her.

She stands with her back to the board. The top of her head skims the bottom of the target center. She tips her chin up and looks at me with that Abnegation stubbornness I know so well. She may have left them, but they are what's making her strong.

I can't tell her it will be okay, not with Eric here, but I can try to make her strong.

"If you flinch, Al takes your place. Understand?" I say.

Eric stands a little too close, tapping his foot on the floor. I have to get this right. I can't throw the knife to the edge of the board, because he knows I can hit the center. But a clumsy throw, an inch in either direction, and I could hurt her. There goes your pretty face.

But Peter's right, she's not pretty, that word is too small. She is not like the girls I used to stare at, all bend and curve and softness. She is small but strong, and her bright eyes demand attention. Looking at her is like waking up.

I throw the knife, keeping my eyes on hers. It sticks in the board near her cheek. My hands shake with relief. Her eyes close, so I know I need to remind her again of her selflessness.

"You about done, Stiff?" I say.

Stiff. That's why you're strong, get it?

She looks angry. "No."

Why on earth would she get it? She can't read minds.

"Eyes open then," I say, tapping the skin between my eyebrows. I don't really need her eyes to be on mine, but I feel better when they are. I breathe the dust – sweat – metal smell and pass a knife from my left hand to my right. Eric inches closer.

My view of the room narrows around the part in her hair, and I throw with my exhale.

I hear Eric behind me. "Hmmm" is all he says.

"Come on, Stiff," I say. "Let someone else stand there and take it."

"Shut up Four!" she says, and I want to yell back that I'm as frustrated as she is, with an Erudite vulture analyzing my every move, searching for my weak points so he can hit them as hard as he can.

I hear the "Hmmm" again and I'm not sure if it's Eric or my imagination, but I know I have to convince him that she's just another initiate to me, and I have to do it now. I breathe deep and make a quick decision, staring at the tip of her ear, the quick-healing cartilage.

The fear does not exist. My beating heart, tight chest and sweating palms do not exist.

I throw the knife and look away when she winces, too relieved to feel bad for hurting her. I did it.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today," says Eric. To me he mutters "Well, that should scare them huh."

I think – I hope – that means he's not suspicious of me anymore.

He touches her shoulder and gives her a metal-framed smile. "I should keep my eye on you."

I watch blood trickle down her ear and onto her neck and feel sick.

The room empties, the door closes, and I wait until the footsteps disappear before starting toward her.

"Is your -" I start to reach for the side of her head.

She glares. "You did that on purpose!"

"Yes, I did," I say. "And you should be thanking me for helping you." I want to explain about Eric and how badly he wants to hurt me and everyone I even remotely care for, or about how I know where her strength comes from and wanted to remind her, but she doesn't give me a chance.

"Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spend the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?"

Taunting? I scowl at her.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on!" I say.

"Catch on? Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're sadistic, just like he is?"

The accusation makes me feel cold. She thinks I'm like Eric? She thinks I want to impress him?

"I am not sadistic." I lean closer to her and suddenly I feel nervous, like something is prickling in my chest. "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?" She's close enough to touch, but if she thinks I'm like Eric, that will never happen.

Of course she thinks I'm like Eric. I just threw knives at her head. I screwed it all up. Permanently.

I have to get out. I cross the room and at the last second before I slam the door, shove the point of my knife into the table.

I hear her frustrated scream from around the corner and I stop, sinking into a crouch with my back to the wall. Before she got here everything had stalled inside me, and every morning I was just moving toward nighttime. I'd thought about leaving – I'd decided to leave, to be factionless, after this class of initiates was done. But then she was here and she was just like me, putting aside her gray clothes but not really putting them aside, never really putting them aside because she knows the secret, that they are the strongest armor we can wear.

And now she hates me and I can't even leave Dauntless to join the factionless like I was going to because Eric's eye is on her like it was on Amar last year, right before he turned up dead on the pavement near the railroad tracks. All the Divergent end up dead except me, because my fluke aptitude test result, and if Eric is watching her, she's probably one too.

My thoughts skip back to the night before, how touching her sent warmth into my hand and through the rest of me, though I was frozen with fear. I press my hands to my head, press the memory away.

I can't leave now. I like her too much. There, I said it. But I won't say it again.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Today is Visiting Day. It's strange to see people wearing any color other than Dauntless black in the Pit. For most transfers to Dauntless, their families will stop coming eventually – faction before blood. But for a few, and of course most initiates, Visiting Day is a special day they look forward to. It never meant anything to me. I knew my father would not come to see me after I humiliated him by transferring. And as much as Marcus hates Dauntless he probably would not have swallowed his pride and stepped foot in Dauntless territory even if he had wanted to see me. And my mother – there is no way a Factionless, supposedly dead person could show her face at Dauntless. I wonder what it would be like to have a normal family.

I wander through the Pit, weaving in and out of people, before I finally stop at the railing overlooking the chasm.

I was disturbed about Tris' fight yesterday with Molly. I'm not sure what happened but she had attacked Molly with a viciousness I hadn't seen in her before. It was a little alarming. I need to keep a closer eye on her, to make sure she's handling the pressure okay. Keep a closer eye on her? I shake my head and laugh a little at myself. I've already been watching her too much. Eric told me to keep an eye on her but I'm afraid that's because he suspects she may be divergent. I've been keeping an eye on her for totally different reasons. I worry that Eric is getting suspicious but I can't help it. She fascinates me. I'm not sure what it is, but there is something very...special about her. I foolishly allow myself to start to daydream about her. If we got together...but then I quickly realize how complicated that would be. I am her instructor and everyone would accuse me of giving her special treatment if they knew I liked her. And Eric – Eric would be merciless, even more than usual. He could never know about it. If we got caught what I could say? But then I remember the knife-throwing incident and realize she probably despises me.

I hear someone approaching and I look over my shoulder. I see Tris standing with a woman, who must be her mother.

The woman extends her hand. I hesitate for a moment, my mind racing. I had been alarmed the first time I discovered that Tris' last name was Prior. My father hadn't allowed me to attend most social events when I was in Abnegation so I didn't know her and she has never given any indication she knows who I am. But her surname clued me in to the fact that her father is Andrew Prior – government leader, co-worker and friend of Marcus. I don't recall ever meeting Tris' mother before. Will she recognize me as Marcus' son – as Tobias?

"Hello. My name is Natalie," she says. "I'm Beatrice's mother."

I'm not used to shaking people's hands but I take hers and shake it twice. Awkward.

"Four," I say. Hoping that if she thought she knew who I was, the name will confuse her. And then I remember how much different I must look since I left Abnegation and I begin to relax.

"It's nice to meet you." I say in a pleasant voice. This will be a good opportunity to work on my kindness. Maybe Tris will see I'm not as horrible as she thinks after the knife-throwing thing if I'm nice to her mother.

Natalie smiles up at me. "Four," she says. "Is that a nickname?"

"Yes," I reply.

Uh oh...I don't want the conversation to go in this direction. Change the topic fast.

"Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training."

"That's good to hear," she says. "I know a few things about Dauntless initiation and I was worried about her."

I take a long look at Tris. She really is doing well all things considered.

"You shouldn't worry," I assure her mother.

I see a blush creep into Tris' cheeks. She looks surprised by the compliment.

Her mother tilts her head to the side and looks thoughtfully at me a moment before commenting "You look familiar for some reason Four."

A warning bell goes off in my head. "I can't imagine why," I say quickly, hoping I don't come across sounding too rude but I don't want to talk about this. "I don't make a habit of associating with the Abnegation."

To my relief, Mrs. Prior laughs. "Few people do these days. I don't take it personally."

"Well, I'll leave you to your reunion," I say, anxious to get away from them before she can figure out who I am.

I walk away from Tris and her mother and over to my friends Zeke and Shauna. Zeke was in the initiate class before me and now we work together in the control room. Shauna was in my initiate class and she was the girl I helped teach to fight. I hadn't known how to approach a Dauntless girl like Shauna to tell her that I liked her when I first came from Abnegation. Then she met Zeke. He of course had no problem finding the courage to ask her out and they've been together ever since. I don't think either of them knew I sort of had a thing for her back then. Zeke's younger brother Uriah and Shauna's little sister Lynn are both initiates this year in the Dauntless-born group under Lauren.

"So how's initiation going so far?" Zeke asks. "Miss you in the control room."

"So far so good," I reply. I don't mention that Eric nearly killed Christina by hanging her over the chasm or that he had me throw knives at anyone.

"I hear one of the transfers was first jumper," Shauna says.

"Yeah, Tris. The Stiff," I say motioning towards Tris who is still close by talking to her mother.

I point out the others in my group. Peter the psychopath and Drew and Molly who make up the rest of Peter's gang. Christina the loud-mouth and Will the know-it-all. I also mention there is Edward the overachiever, Al who is comparable to a human sledgehammer and Myra who is Edward's personal fan club. "It's a fun group," I say.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Tris leading her mother over to where Will and Christina stand with their families. I continue to talk to my friends but I can't help noticing that the conversation between Tris and Will's sister is quickly turning into a heated argument. I see Natalie wrap her fingers around Tris' arm and pull her away.

After a few more minutes of talking I excuse myself and head for the training rooms. It's the perfect day to get some miscellaneous things accomplished since there is no training scheduled today. As I'm passing the dining hall I see Tris' mother emerging from a dark tunnel nearby. She hesitates for just a minute but then takes a step towards me.

"How is Beatrice really doing?" she asks in a concerned voice. "Is she going to make it through initiation?"

"I think Tris is doing well," I say honestly. "She's stronger than she thinks and she's..." I clear my throat. "She's brave. She's smart. She can be stubborn but that's not always a bad thing..." My voice trails off.

I see her relax a little.

"Please take care of her Tobias," she says in a pleading voice.

I freeze. I'm too stunned to say anything. She knows who I am?

She flashes me a grateful smile and then moves toward the compound exit. She has only taken a few steps when she stops and turns to tell me "She thinks you're handsome Tobias." She walks away quickly leaving me in shocked silence. She did recognize me...and...I grin...and Tris thinks I'm handsome.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

That evening I go to the dormitory while the initiates are still in the dining hall to post the first stage rankings. I have just finished writing the names on the chalkboard when they begin to arrive. I turn the board towards the wall so they can not see the names yet.

"How do the rankings work?" one of them asks.

"We ranked your skill level according to..." I'm just beginning to explain when more initiates enter the room and I decide to begin again.

"For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," I say. "After the first round of fights we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice. If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."

Molly snorts.

"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice," I say. "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one."

I see Tris in the back of the room trying to see around the crowd to get a look at the chalkboard. Our eyes meet for a second but then she quickly looks away.

"We will announce the cuts tomorrow," I say. "The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be Factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be Factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks."

I pick up the board at hang it by it's hook on the wall and step aside.

1. Edward

2. Peter

3. Will

4. Christina

5. Molly

6. Tris

7. Drew

8. Al

9. Myra

Eric and I had argued for what seemed like hours this afternoon before settling on the final placements. Edward easily came in first and as much as I hated to admit it, Peter had done well too. Will and Christina had also won the majority of their fights and deserved to be near the top. Al, who had given up even trying to win fights anymore, ranked ahead of Myra, who had not won any fights, only because he had beaten Will in his first fight. It was 5th, 6th and 7th place that had caused the debate. Eric had ranked Tris in seventh place while I thought she deserved to be placed ahead of both Molly and Drew. Being ranked below fifth place put Tris at risk of being cut and if anyone deserved to become a Dauntless member, it was Tris. But in the end, fearing that Eric was going to pick up on my affection for her, I agreed to the sixth spot. I didn't like there even being a possibility of her being kicked out of Dauntless and being Factionless after all she had endured but I was fairly confident at least one Dauntless-born would rank below her and she would move on to stage two.

"What?" Molly shouts. She points to Christina "I beat her! I beat her in minutes and she's ranked above me?"

"Yeah," says Christina smiling. "And?"

"If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents," I tell her as I leave the room.

I don't even realize that I've fallen asleep when I hear a loud knock on my door. "Four!" someone in the hall calls. I sit up and try desperately to orientate myself. What time is it? I hear the knocking again and someone asks "Four – you awake?"

"Yes" I answer. What is going on? My clock says it is after midnight.

"You're needed in the infirmary right away."

The infirmary? What happened? I put on my shoes and grab a sweatshirt, pulling it on as I leave my apartment and make my way to the medical clinic. When I arrive I see Max, Eric and Lauren huddled in a group near the entrance talking. Myra is sitting in a chair against the wall crying.

"What's going on?" I ask

"They brought Edward in a little while ago. He had been stabbed in the eye with a butter knife. They're preparing to transfer him to Erudite for surgery." Max informs me.

"Who did this?" I ask, fearing I already know the answer. The transfer initiates are divided into three groups. Peter, Drew and Molly are usually fighting with Tris, Christina, Will and Al. Edward and Myra usually keep to themselves and stay neutral in the battles. There is only one of those groups who would do something so cruel, and their leader is Peter. And Peter was just ranked second behind Edward.

"Myra thinks Peter did it. She said Peter and Edward had a confrontation earlier tonight. Something about Edward threatening to tell everyone that Peter wet his pants the first day in training when you held a gun to his head. Peter responded by threatening Edward." Eric chimes in.

For a split second I almost want to laugh. I really scared Peter that much?

"So where is Peter? What are they going to do with him?" I demand.

"Nothing," says Max.

"Nothing?" I repeat in disbelief.

Max gives me a hard look. "Four people were unaccounted for at the time of the attack. Peter, Drew and two of the Dauntless-born initiates. We found and talked to all four of them and they are all claiming innocence. The room was dark so there are no witnesses. There is no proof that Peter was responsible." From his tone I'm guessing the matter is already closed.

"I wouldn't worry about it," says Eric with a smirk. "These things have a way of working themselves out in Dauntless. If Peter finds himself accused of too many...incidents, shall we say...we might just learn that he's had an...accident...himself one day."

Max and Eric turn to walk away but I still stand there outraged. This is my faction's response when a boy is stabbed in the eye? Veiled threats? Vigilante justice? But what can I do? I can't argue...who will I argue with? This is coming from faction leaders. If I oppose them they might just arrange an accident for me too, just like Amar had an "accident" last year.

"By the way," Lauren says to me, looking visibly shaken. "Edward and Myra dropped out. And two of the dauntless-born scored the lowest so...we have our four cuts." She turns to leave the infirmary.

I look at Myra still sitting in the chair crying. I walk over and sit next to her. I'm not sure what to say but she speaks first.

"They said Edward is sedated so he's not in pain right now," she manages to say in between sobs. "He'll live but he's going to lose his eye. We can't stay here. I was going to get cut away..." She trails off.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask her.

She sniffs and nods but what else can she say? A nurse appears and announces they are taking Edward to the hospital in Erudite. Myra gets up and follows her. She doesn't say anything else to me. I'm left sitting alone, feeling empty and hollow. I wonder if there is anything I can do to make this right and I am tortured by the thought that maybe I could have done something to prevent this.

The next morning I go to the dormitory. Someone has been cleaning and the room smells like bleach. Christina and Al are in their bunks napping. I doubt any of the initiates got any sleep last night. I didn't sleep. I strip Edward's and Myra's bunks of their bedding. I open their drawers and put their clothes and personal items in bags which can be delivered to them later. Last I walk to the blackboard and take a piece of chalk from my pocket. I draw a line through Edward's name and another line through Myra's name. Then I adjust the numbers next to the remaining initiate's names. Now Peter is first. Will is second. Christina third. Molly moves to fourth. Tris is fifth. Drew is sixth. Al stays, he is seventh.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The initiates go through their first simulations today. They are lined up in the hallway outside the simulation room, each one waiting their turn. I already explained that from now on the transfers and dauntless-born will no longer be separated.

For me, running the simulations is a tedious process. Set the computer, inject the subject with the serum that contains the transmitter, attach the wires to the computer so I can see it and explain each step of the process. It's boring work but it's the easy part. The hard part is watching each of the initiates as the terror of their worst fears comes alive and they have to battle it alone. All I can do is sit and watch and wait for them to get their fear under control to stop the simulation. I don't like it. I feel like I'm invading their privacy.

I haven't called in Tris yet. I think Eric suspects she is divergent but I'm not sure if she is or not. It's hard to tell from the first stage of training. Monitoring her simulations might confirm she is and the idea makes me nervous. And watching whatever her brain turns into nightmares for her isn't appealing either. I hate feeling so helpless. But I can't put it off any longer.

I take a deep breath and open the door. "Come on Tris."

She gets up slowly but manages to hop over Drew's leg as he sticks it out, avoiding a fall.

I rest my fingers on her shoulder and guide her into the room and shut the door behind us. She stops short and I run into her, her shoulders hitting my chest. The only thing in the room is the reclining metal chair and computer. This is the same setup that she would have seen when she took her aptitude test. For her to stop so suddenly just at the sight of it makes me wonder what happened during her test. Maybe her aptitude test results are the reason Eric suspects she is divergent. As a Dauntless leader it's possible he has been given more information about her than I have.

"Sit," I say. I wrap my fingers around her upper arms and nudge her towards the chair.

"What's the simulation?" she asks me. Her eyes are wide and she sounds scared.

"Ever hear the phrase 'face your fears'? We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation," I explain.

She reluctantly walks to the chair and sits down.

"Do you ever administer the aptitude test?" she asks. I guess she's just trying to start up a conversation to distract herself.

"No," I say. "I avoid Stiffs as much as possible." Usually Abnegation members run the aptitude tests. Erudite, Amity and Dauntless volunteers are needed to test the Abnegation students because the rules state no one can be tested by someone from their own faction. Tori has been the Dauntless volunteer the last few years.

"Why?" she asks.

I remember she has no idea about my past and why I would want to avoid Abnegation. But this isn't the time or place to get into that. "Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?"

"Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?" she asks.

Good point. Maybe it would be nice to have someone to talk to. But the idea of opening up and letting someone really know me...that would be hard for me to do. Would I even know how to do that? I don't even tell my darkest secrets to my closest friends like Zeke.

I gently push her hair away from her neck and I feel her body stiffen. I tap a syringe with my finger.

"An injection?" she asks, her eyes widening even more.

"We use a more advanced version of the simulation here." I say. "A different serum, no wires or electrodes for you."

"How does it work without wires?" she questions.

"Well I have wires, so I can see what's going on," I explain. "But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."

I push the needle as tenderly as possible into the side of her neck. She winces and looks up at me, eyes searching my face.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test," I say. "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions – like fear – and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image and I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down – that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

I see the fear in her eyes. I wish I could comfort her. In a spontaneous gesture I gently take her face in my hands and whisper "Be brave Tris. The first time is always the hardest." And I watch as the simulation takes her.

I move to the monitor and watch as a crow lands on her shoulder. She tries to bat it away but it won't budge. The scene grows darker. Now the sky is full of crows heading directly for her. Sharp talons, sharp beaks. "Help!" she begins to scream. I wish I could help her. She is trying to fight the birds off but they are pecking at her. I know from her screaming and crying she is in agony.

"Come on Tris," I mutter to myself. "You can do this."

She is still sobbing but lays down on the grass and tries to hold still. She is doing it. Her heartbeat is dropping and her breathing is stabilizing. I glance at the clock. Three minutes – incredible!

Her eyes pop open and suddenly she lets out a scream and begins trying to brush the feel of the birds off her body. She groans and sits forward, bringing her knees to her chest and hides her face in them. She begins rocking back and forth.

I reach out to touch her shoulder but she punches me with her fist and and cries "Don't touch me!"

"It's over," I say. I hesitate a moment and then I gently run my hand lightly over her hair, trying to comfort her. It feels so soft. She doesn't say any more but she still brushes her arms with her hands, trying to chase away the ghosts of the birds she can still feel touching her skin.

"Tris," I say gently, trying to assure her the nightmare is over. She continues to rock back and forth in the chair. This really messed with her mind. But she did so well. She got through it so much faster than the average person. And crows pecking at you isn't pleasant but I've seen much worse things than that. She just needs to rest. "Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms okay?"

"No!" she snaps. She looks up and stares at me angrily. Her lip is quivering and there are tears spilling out onto her cheeks. "They can't see me...not like this..."

They all look like this. Actually, some come away from their first simulation much more traumatized. I know it was scary but she's stronger than this. Is she really worried about how she will look to the others if they see her a little shaken up? They probably won't even notice her because they'll still be trying to recover themselves.

"Oh, calm down," I can't help roll my eyes a little. And then I add in a gentler tone "I'll take you out the back door." That will give her a few more minutes to pull herself together.

"I don't need you to..." her voice cuts off and she shakes her head. In the back of my mind I realize I still don't know if she's divergent. The simulation didn't tell me enough. She is shaking all over and I'm starting to wonder if she can even stand up.

"Nonsense," I tell her. She doesn't want anyone to see her this way but she doesn't want to avoid them by using a different door? I grab her arm and pull her out of the chair. She wipes her eyes using her whole hand, and I direct her to the back door. We walk down the hallway, neither one of us speaking. She stops suddenly and pulls her arm away.

"Why did you do that to me?" she asks. "What was the point of that, huh? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!"

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" I ask calmly.

"That isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life I'm not getting pecked to death by crows, Four!" She buries her face in her hands and begins to cry again.

I stand there and watch her try to get her emotions under control while I contemplate what to say. There are a lot of things wrong with Dauntless and how things are done here but this isn't one of them. Learning to face your fear is a very valuable lesson. A hard one to endure – yes, but this is the true heart of being Dauntless.

After a moment her tears stop and she says almost pitifully "I want to go home."

I understand how difficult initiation is. I know she must be homesick. I know the physical training has taken a toll on her and she is tired and it's easy to be weak when you reach the point of exhaustion. But she can not give in now. I know my next words will sound harsh but just like when I threw the knives at her, I need to remind her of who she is, where she came from and how strong she is.

"Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn. That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need to get out of here, because we won't want you."

"I'm trying," she says as her lower lip trembles "But I failed. I'm failing."

I sigh. She thinks she's failing? She has no idea how amazing she is by getting through that simulation so fast.

"How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"

"I don't know. A half hour?" she guesses.

"Three minutes," I tell her. "You got out three times faster than the other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure." I smile at her and try to be encouraging "Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see."

"Tomorrow?" I can hear the dread in her voice at the thought of having to go through it again.

I put my hand lightly on her back and steer her down the hallway toward the dormitory again.

She looks up at me and asks "What was your first hallucination?"

"It wasn't a 'what' so much as a 'who'," I reply. "It's not important." But it really isn't fair that I know all these things about her and she doesn't know them about me I think to myself.

"And are you over that fear now?"

"Not yet," I answer. I lean against the wall just outside the door to the dormitory and put my hands in my pockets. "I may never be."

"So they don't go away?" she asks

"Sometimes they do. And sometimes new fears replace them." I say this because that is what other people have said but neither of them have happened to me. "But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, that's the point. Anyway, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation."

"What do you mean?"

I start to smile "Well, are you really afraid of crows? When you see one, do you run away screaming?"

"No. I guess not." she says. She comes toward me and leans against the wall too, standing right next to me. She is so close that she has to look up at me sideways. After a moment she leans in a little more and asks "So what am I really afraid of?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. "Only you can know." I realize I'm talking to her more as a friend now than an instructor. I feel a little bit of nervous energy standing so close to her. I know I really should get back to the simulation room for the next initiate but I don't want to leave. I'm enjoying being here alone with her and talking like this. She seems more comfortable now too. I guess she's forgiven me for throwing the knives at her anyway.

"I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this difficult," she says. Her tone sounds like she just made a confession.

"It wasn't always like this, I'm told. Being Dauntless I mean," I reply.

"What changed?"

"The leadership. The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength. And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Bet you can't guess who the leaders' new protege is."

She looks up at me and seems to think about this for a minute.

"So if you were ranked first in your initiate class, what was Eric's rank?"

"Second," I answer.

"So he was their second choice for leadership and you were their first."

"What makes you say that?" I ask. She is absolutely right but I'm curious to know her thought process and how she came to that conclusion.

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night," she explains. "Jealous, even though he has what he wants."

A very smart observation. We stand there in silence for another minute before she sniffs, wipes her face and runs her hands through her hair.

"Do I look like I've been crying?" she asks.

At first I'm amused by this. "Hmm," I say with a smile as I playfully lean in and pretend to inspect her face. But then I'm struck by how close I am to her. I look in her eyes. They are so expressive. She's not pretty the way most people would define beauty, but her looks aren't what I find so attractive. I see a young woman with a perfect blend of selfless Abnegation and brave Dauntless qualities. I see someone with an amazing spirit that refuses to be defeated. What I see is a girl I really like.

"No Tris," I say, thinking about what a strong person she is. "You look tough as nails."


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

I walk into the pit and join a group of friends near the chasm. Zeke offers me a bottle and I take it. He raises his eyebrows and exchanges a look of surprise with Shauna. Normally I'm not much of a drinker. I like a clear head and knowing I'm fully in control of myself. But tonight I'm furious and decide a drink might help to calm me down.

The Erudite released another article about the Abnegation today. It was one thing to have Marcus accused of abuse – that was true. But today's article claims Tris' parents must also have been abusive and that is the reason she and her brother Caleb both transferred. I have seen how homesick Tris is. I met her mother and heard the obvious love and concern for her daughter in her voice. I know these accusations against the Priors are lies. To top it off Molly, who is basically the female version of Peter, had a hand in these false claims. My mind goes back to the information I found on the computer in the control room a few weeks ago. I have a gut feeling all of these rumors are part of the plan Erudite has to attack Abnegation. If they want to control the government they need to get the other factions to believe that the Abnegation are not fit to run the government. I don't know what to do.

I tell myself I'll just take a few sips, to help me relax, but it isn't long before I've finished the first bottle and pick up another one. The stress of the last few weeks is catching up to me and I need a release. I know I've had too much when I start to feel dizzy and have trouble keeping my balance but the stories everyone are telling keep getting funnier and it feels so good to laugh for a change. I tell them about the first day in training when I held a gun to Peter's head and it scared him so bad he peed his pants. It makes me laugh so hard thinking about it I have to grab the railing for balance.

I notice Tris walking through the Pit talking to Will. Al, with Christina on his back are there too. I enjoyed our conversation in the hallway and suddenly I want to talk to her again.

"Tris!" I call and head toward her. My thoughts and words come to me slower than usual. I'm struck by how attractive she looks tonight.

"You look different," I blurt out.

"So do you," she replies "What are you doing?"

Flirting with you is what I think but instead I laugh and change it to "Flirting with death. Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea."

"No, it isn't," she says in a disapproving tone of voice.

I look at her collarbone. There are three birds in flight. "Didn't know you had a tattoo," I say. And then I remember her simulation and it makes sense. "Right. The crows."

I look back at Zeke and Shauna and the others who are still talking and it occurs to me the polite thing to do would be to ask her to join us. That would be the kind thing too. Show kindness like the Amity... I've been wanting to work on that anyway. But...I'm her instructor. I'm expected to be professional and not socialize with the initiates. I turn my attention back to Tris. "I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not really supposed to see me this way." I explain.

"What way?" she asks with a hint of humor in her voice. "Drunk?"

"Yeah...well, no."

Wait. What am I trying to say here?

"Real, I guess."

"I'll pretend I didn't," she says.

"Nice of you," I say.

She is nice I think. And she looks pretty tonight...and I want to tell her that.

I lean down close to her ear and say "You look good Tris."

She looks a little embarrassed but laughs and says "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"

"Of course," I say, giving her a wink.

I turn and walk back to my group. I see Tris wave to me over Al's shoulder as he carries her off with Will and Christina following.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tris is already breathing heavily.

I'm trying to be patient but I still have a splitting headache from yesterday's drinking. The worst part is I know I talked to Tris last night but I can't remember exactly what I said. I think I might have told her I thought she was pretty but I can't be sure. She didn't say anything this morning but didn't quite look me in the eye either. I decided it would probably be wise not to mention it unless she brings it up. Hopefully I didn't embarrass myself too much. Who knows what she thinks of me now. I was sure she hated me after I threw those knives at her. And then when we talked in the hallway we seemed like friends and maybe...maybe I thought, she might like me too – she came to stand so close to me. And now I probably wrecked it again by doing or saying something stupid last night. I look at Tris still slowly inhaling and exhaling and I resolve not to drink any more.

"It's just a simulation, Tris," I say quietly.

She closes her eyes and nods slowly.

She is in total darkness until blue lights begin to illuminate the Pit and she is in a glass box near the chasm. The other initiates stand nearby but they do not speak and they do not move. And then I see myself. I tap on the glass wall in front of her and point to the floor in front of her with a strange smile. The tank is beginning to fill with water. She frantically searches for the source of the water but sees nothing. She looks to me for help but I only shrug and turn away to go stand with the initiates.

"Hey!" she shouts, banging on the glass. "Let me out of here!"

The water is rising fast, it will overtake her soon.

"Help! Please! Please help!"

As the water rises she floats closer to the ceiling and finally tilts her head back to gasp for one last breath of air. The water covers her and seals her inside. She kicks the walls but it does no good.

Then she hits a glass pane with her hand and there is a cracking sound. She slams her other hand into the wall and another crack appears. Suddenly the glass shatters. Water rushes out and air flows in.

I stare at the screen in shock. She did it. She's divergent.

She takes in a gasping breath and sits up in the chair. She looks up at me and I stare back in disbelief.

"What?" She asks.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Crack the glass."

"I don't know."

I offer her my hand and help her out of the chair. My mind is racing. I'm going to have to erase the data. What will I need to do to eliminate all the evidence of this simulation? I have to warn her that she has to find a way to hide her divergence. There is a surveillance camera in this room I realize, I need to get her out of here and find a place where we can talk.

I let out a sigh, grab her arm and begin to pull her down the hallway. Eventually she stops and wrenches her arm from my grip. I just stare at her. I'm not sure how to say this.

"What?" she demands.

"You're divergent," I blurt out. Not tactful but to the point.

Her eyes grow wide. I can see the fear in her that she's been discovered. Then she lets her face go blank and leans back against the wall. "What's divergent?" she tries to sound innocent.

"Don't play stupid," I say. "I suspected it last time, but this time is obvious. You manipulated the simulation; you're divergent. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up dead at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."

I turn and walk back to the simulation room slamming the door behind me. My heart is racing. I know I didn't handle that well, but I'm scared. I'm scared for both of us. The reality hits me if they find out she's divergent they'll kill her. I've always known they would kill me if they discovered I was divergent. If I don't completely get rid of all the evidence and they find out I knew she was divergent and didn't report it they'll kill me too. I think of Amar. I think of Tris' mother – she begged me to keep her daughter safe. I think of Tris and turn to the computer to begin deleting files.

Then I remember Drew and Uriah are still in the hallway waiting to go through their simulations. I decide to finish those first and then deal with how to erase the footage of Tris' simulation. I'm so distracted I'm not paying very close attention to either of their simulations and I almost miss it. Uriah is running through the streets of the city being chased by a larger, even more vicious version of the dog from the aptitude test simulation. He is eventually cornered in an alley and there is no where to go. The dog bares his teeth and inches closer. Uriah looks around again and there is a fire escape attached to the wall of the brick building to his right. He is able to climb the ladder and get away. He manipulated his simulation. Uriah is divergent too? Luckily he is the last initiate of the day. I usher him down the hallway where there are no cameras and question him.

"Where did the ladder come from?" I ask.

"I don't know...I..." he starts to answer. "I was looking for a way to escape and I thought if there was a ladder I could climb it and get away, and when I looked again – it was there, just like I imagined it would look."

I take a deep breath and look him in the eye. "Do you know what divergent is?"

He looks scared and slowly starts to nod. "Am I divergent?" he asks.

"Yes, I think so," I say. "What was your aptitude test result?"

"Dauntless," he says with a shrug.

"Was there anything unusual that happened during your test simulation?" I ask.

"No," he replies.

I give this some thought. Not everyone who is divergent has an aptitude for more than one faction. I only got one, but then I had been coached. Would I have done anything different if the choices had been my own? I haven't seen other traits in Uriah that would indicate he belongs in any other faction so it would make sense that his test result was Dauntless.

"I'm going to delete the footage," I tell him. "But if you are aware during simulations you can't manipulate them like you did in there. If Dauntless leaders find out what you are they will kill you. Do you understand?"

He nods his head up and down.

"Okay. You can go," I tell him.

He begins to walk down the hallway and I call out to him one more time. "Uriah. You can't tell anyone. Ever. Not even Zeke, alright?"

"I won't Four," he replies and heads to the dormitory.

I head back to the simulation room. Now my head is really spinning! I'm glad I had the initiates go through their simulations in the same order as yesterday. Now I can delete Tris' and Uriah's data, and probably a few more too – that won't look as suspicious as just one disappearing.

I divide the initiates simulation data into four files. I put Tris' and Uriah's data into a file with Drew's, Marlene's and Al's. I decide the least suspicious way to hide Uriah's and Tris' simulations is to change a few lines of code to make the file appear to be corrupted. Technically the file could be restored but with millions of lines of code it would take forever to find and fix the error. It should be a good cover this time but I won't be able to get away with it again.

When I finish in the simulation room I head up to the control room. Zeke is on duty but he doesn't ask questions about what I'm doing when I sit at my computer and start scanning the surveillance recordings for the simulation room. I think about telling him about Uriah but decide against it. I trust Zeke completely but the less people that know about Uriah, the safer Uriah will be. I find what I'm looking for and analyze it carefully. Nothing looks unusual and the monitor can't be seen. It's only the audio that would indicate there was a problem with Tris' simulation. I carefully record white noise over the parts of the audio that would be incriminating and leave the rest of the footage intact. It's unlikely anyone will want to review it. My head still hurts but there is one more thing I want to find. It takes me a while but I finally find Tris' aptitude test result. Abnegation – but it was manually entered. So Tori probably knows that she is divergent too. And then I remember hearing that Tori had a brother that died under suspicious circumstances. Was he divergent too? I wonder if that was another one of Eric's "accidents." That would explain a lot about Tori though. I'm actually relieved. If Tori and I are the only ones who know about Tris then she's probably safe for now.

"Hey," Zeke says to me."Shauna and I are going out tonight. Want to make it a double date? We can fix you up with someone."

I think about the few times Zeke has talked me into this before. It is always a disaster. I've noticed a lot of pretty girls but whenever I'm around them I turn into an Abnegation Stiff. I don't like answering personal questions and I'm really good at throwing up walls to keep people at a distance. It never ends well.

Unless we're talking about Tris, I think, no thanks.

"Thanks for the offer," I say. "But it's been a long day and I need to get some sleep." And that is the truth.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I watch Tris silently. She is sitting in the chair in the simulation room with her hands covering her face. She has chewed her fingernails down to the skin and I can see they have been bleeding. I hate having to watch her go through this. Besides the crows and almost drowning in the water tank her simulations have had her set on fire, drown in the ocean, standby and watch her family bleed to death and worst, she was held at gunpoint and forced to shoot and kill her family herself.

She takes a few deep breaths and lifts her head to look at me. "I know the simulation isn't real," she says.

"You don't have to explain it to me," I reply. "You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world."

I wonder what it would have been like to have a family like hers. A father that doesn't hit you. A mother that doesn't leave you. A brother. And you all actually love each other.

"In the simulation is the only time I get to see them," she continues. She laces her fingers together and then pulls them apart. "I miss them. You ever just...miss your family?"

I look down at the floor. I miss my mother...the mother I knew as a little boy anyway I think. I never knew what it was like to have a brother or sister. The only other family I have is my father and I don't miss him. "No," I finally answer. "I don't. But that's unusual."

She gets down from the chair and heads for the door to leave. She pauses with her hand on the doorknob and turns to look back at me. She doesn't say anything, she just looks at me and I look back at her. It's as if we're both trying to communicate with each other using only our minds. I know she's wondering about me. She probably wants to know why I don't miss my family. And for the first time I want to tell someone. I want to tell her. I'm tired of feeling like I'm all alone. I've always kept people at a distance so they wouldn't learn my secrets. Putting up walls is my defense – my protection. It's a safe place, but lonely place. What will you think of me if I take that chance I ask her silently.

We stare at each other for too long and finally she pulls her gaze away, opens the door and leaves.

I shut down the computer and put away all the equipment for the night. I grab my things and head to the control room to log the day's simulation data. Eric decided he wanted the simulation data entered straight into the control room's computer instead of from the simulation room's computer after he discovered one of the files had been corrupted. Whatever. Let him think it was the computer that messed it up. As long as he doesn't suspect I intentionally did it to hide something I'll go along with whatever he wants. Zeke's shift is just ending and Shauna is in the hallway waiting for him. I walk with them to the dinning hall for dinner. I still have some work to do in the computer room but it will take a while and I decide I can finish it later tonight. As we walk through the tunnel near the training room we hear voices and decide to investigate. I open the door and see Uriah firing a gun at one of the targets on the wall. A plastic pellet hits the center and falls to the ground. Tris and Lynn are standing off to the side and Marlene is nearby holding a half-eaten muffin. They all look guilty when they see us.

"I thought I heard something in here," I say.

"Turns out it's my idiot brother," Zeke says. "You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful, or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped."

Uriah puts the gun away and heads for the door but not without making a face a Zeke first. Marlene walks across the room to follow Uriah while continuing to eat her muffin. I step back and hold the door open for them to exit.

Lynn gives me a questioning look but says as she passes me "You wouldn't tell Eric."

"No, I wouldn't," I say.

Tris is the last to leave. As she walks by me I place my hand on her back to gently lead her out of the room.

Lynn leads the group down the hallway followed by Zeke and Uriah who take turns punching each other. Marlene gives Shauna a bite of her muffin.

As Tris begins to follow I say "Wait a second." She stops and looks at me questioningly.

I give her a smile but I don't think it's very convincing. I'm worried about her. Her chewed fingernails. It's obvious she's not getting enough sleep. The simulations. This is the hardest phase of the initiation – the part that can break a person. I think she's doing exceptionally well but I'm concerned she might still think she's somehow failing. I want to say something that will encourage her.

"You belong here, you know that?" I say. "You belong with us. It'll be over soon, so just hold on, okay?"

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I scratch behind my ear - a nervous habit. I look away but I know she's staring at me and I start to feel very awkward. But then she does something I'm not expecting. She walks toward me, and puts her hand in mine. I lace my fingers with hers and we look into each others eyes. My heart beats fast and I can't think. After a minute, she pulls her hand away and runs down the hallway to catch up to the others.

I spent the evening procrastinating. I kept telling myself I needed to go back to the control room to finish my work but I just wasn't in the mood. I spent the time instead talking to Zeke and Shauna in the Pit. Half of me followed their conversation but the other half kept thinking about Tris. Eventually they decided it was time to turn in for the night and I grudgingly made my way back to the control room, regretting my choice now. Instead of getting some much needed sleep I was going to have to do what should have been finished hours ago.

By the time I'm done it's late. Everyone has gone to bed and the Dauntless compound looks deserted. As I approach the Pit I hear the rush of the water...and then I see them and hear a scream. Four people near the chasm. One large boy, it must be Al, is running away, Drew, and Peter has Tris by the throat and is holding her against the barrier above the river. I shout and start running toward them. Peter drops Tris and she falls over the railing but manages to catch herself with her armpits. I catch up to Drew and knock him to the floor. He screams and tries to fight back but I kick him in the stomach and then land a hard punch with my fist to his jaw that knocks him out cold. I run to the railing and grab her arms.

"Four," she barely manages to say in a hoarse voice.

I pull her over the railing and hold her against my chest. I put one arm under her knees and support her back with my other arm, letting her head rest against my shoulder. She is unconscious. My first thought is to get her to the infirmary but I'm hesitant to do that. Of course her health is the most important thing but if I take her there they will ask a lot of questions about what happened and there will be an investigation. After the incident with Edward I'm not confident Max or Eric will treat this any differently. It might be another "incident" to count against Peter but probably not enough to get him kicked out of Dauntless. Instead I'm afraid it will only make matters worse. Peter is threatened by Tris because she is showing him up. Her publicly accusing him of attacking her will only make her a bigger target. The safest thing for her to do is let him see that she's weak and vulnerable – then he'll start to feel like he's got the upper hand and he'll back off. It makes my blood boil when I think of the injustice. It's so wrong! Dauntless are supposed to be the protectors and here I am planning to tell Tris she needs to show them how vulnerable she can be? I look down at her trying to decide if she has any injuries that need immediate attention. There is a lump on the back of her head and a bruise already forming on her cheek. Other than that all I can see are a few scratches here and there. It needs to be her decision I tell myself. Instead of heading to the infirmary I carry her to my apartment and lay her on the bed. She should be waking up soon. Knowing that she'll be safe for a few minutes alone I head back to the Pit and haul Drew's body to the infirmary. By the time I get him there he has regained consciousness. He is blubbering and it's hard to understand anything he says between the crying and the swollen lips but he insists he was only trying to scare her. Of course that's what he would say. I don't know what he'll tell the nurses when they ask what happened but I doubt he'll tell the truth.

I get back to my apartment and check on Tris. Her eyes are still closed and she hasn't moved. For the first time I feel the sting on my knuckles and look at my hands and find them torn and bloody. I feel a cut on my lip and taste blood. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the sink faucet. I wash the dirt and blood from my hands and then dry them on a towel. I turn off the light and walk over to the refrigerator to get an ice pack from the freezer. When I turn around I see her eyes are open and she is watching me.

"Your hands," she says weakly.

She was just attacked and she's worried about a few cuts on my hands? "My hands are none of your concern," I tell her.

I kneel on the bed and lean over her so I can put the ice pack under her head. As I start to straighten up she lightly presses her fingers to my cut lip.

"Tris," I say. "I'm all right." I can't believe she's worried about me after all she's just been through.

She pulls her hand from my mouth and asks "Why were you there?"

"I was coming back from the control room. I heard a scream."

"What did you do to them?" she asks.

"I deposited Drew at the infirmary a half hour ago. Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say."

"He's in bad shape?"

"He'll live," I say. "In what condition, I can't say."

She reaches out and squeezes my arm. "Good," she says. Her voice sounds angry but then I see emotions flood through her and she begins to cry.

I crouch down by the bed and watch her. I'm glad to see she's not trying to hold this all in. I hope she doesn't think that crying now is being weak. She tries so hard to not let anyone see any weaknesses she has. And if there is one thing I know about her - she is not weak. She is one of the strongest people I've ever met. That is one of the things I admire the most about her. I pull my arm from her grasp and gently place my hand on her cheek, running my thumb lightly across her cheekbone. Reaching out to touch her like this doesn't feel awkward the way I thought it might.

I think I know how she is going to respond, but I need to say it anyway. "I could report this," I begin.

"No," she cuts me off. "I don't want them to think I'm scared."

I continue to stroke her cheek and nod. "I figured you would say that."

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?" she asks.

"I'll help you," I say.

I support her head with one hand and reach out to lift her shoulder with the other and she pushes herself up. She lets out an involuntary moan.

I pick up the ice pack and press it into her hand. "You can let yourself be in pain. It's just me here," I say. "I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on." I know she can't rely on the Dauntless leaders to protect her.

"I thought I was."

Suddenly another sob racks her body as the memory of the attack comes back to her. She lifts a hand to her forehead and begins to rock back and forth. "But Al..."

"He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl from Abnegation," I explain quietly. "He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."

She nods but she doesn't look convinced.

"The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real." By others I mean Peter. Drew is a follower and not a leader. He never would have done anything like this on his own. And I'm still not sure how Al got mixed up in this either. I know what I just told Tris is true about his motives but feeling something and actually acting on those feelings are two different things. I never would have guessed Al would agree to be involved in doing something like this to Tris, who has been his friend since the beginning of initiation.

"You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?" she sounds genuinely surprised.

"Yes, I do," I answer. Now I'm surprised. She obviously doesn't see herself as being the strong person I recognize her to be. I take the ice pack from her and hold it to her head. "You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers that they had no effect on you. But you should let that bruise on your cheek show and keep your head down." The idea of her having to do that makes me sick, but I know it may be the best option to keep her safe.

"I don't think I can do that," she says as she looks up at me.

"You have to," I reply. And I know she hates the thought as much as I do.

"I don't think you get it," she says. A look of embarrassment crosses her face. "They touched me."

I freeze. A dozen thoughts run through my mind and I'm suddenly filled with anger. "Touched you," I repeat. I had almost let myself believe that maybe Drew was telling the truth and they just wanted to scare her. I didn't want to believe they would actually hurt her. But the truth is they were not only willing to kill her but first they wanted to humiliate her and assault her too?

"Not...in the way you're thinking," she says and clears her throat. "But...almost." She still looks embarrassed and looks away.

The thought crosses my mind that I was too easy on Drew and I should have killed him. I should go find Peter and Al and take care of them too. For a minute violent thoughts run through my mind. I haven't felt anger like this for a long time. And then I stop and I feel horror and disgust with myself. These are the moments when I wonder if I am any better than Max or Eric. If I am any different than Marcus.

"What is it?" she asks in a small voice.

I realize I have been too silent and too still for too long while I've been battling the war going on inside me. I will not be like the Dauntless leaders. I will not become my father.

"I don't want to say this, but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?" I say.

Safe? I think to myself. We're talking about more than safety here – we're talking about staying alive.

She nods.

"But please, when you see an opportunity..." I take her face in my hand again and turn her head to look at me. "Ruin them."

She gives a nervous laugh and says "You're a little scary, Four."

I am a little scary. I scare myself sometimes with my dark thoughts. And although I don't want to kill them anymore for what they did tonight I do want them to be punished...severely.

That's the hard side of me talking. That's Four from Dauntless wanting justice talking. But I don't always like that side of myself. Sometimes I'd like to go back to the Tobias from Abnegation side of me. Because now I understand that the values I was taught there made me just as strong...maybe stronger. And better. I look at Tris. Four from Dauntless is the only one she knows. But now I know for sure I want her to know Tobias from Abnegation too.

"Do me a favor, and don't call me that," I say.

"What should I call you then?" she asks sounding a little puzzled.

"Nothing," I say as I pull my hand from her face.

"Yet."


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I offer to let Tris stay with me for the night, quickly volunteering to sleep on the floor and let her have the bed so she won't get the wrong idea. I don't want her anywhere near Peter and Al tonight. I also want to keep an eye on her and make sure she's okay in case she has a slight concussion. The floor is hard and the small rug doesn't give much cushioning but I'm exhausted and I quickly drift off to sleep.

When I wake in the morning I feel stiff and sore. I immediately remember why I'm on the floor and I get up to check on Tris. She is still asleep, lying on her back on top of the quilt. One hand is holding her side where she was kicked in the ribs. The other hand is cradling her head on the pillow. The dark bruise on her cheek is the only visible sign that anything happened the night before. I stand near the bed and watch her for a few minutes, listening to her steady breathing. She looks so young and innocent. I'm tempted to reach out and touch her face the way I did last night, or maybe stroke her hair. But I resist because it might wake her up and she needs the rest.

Today stage three of training begins and I will introduce the initiates to the fear simulation room. Eric posted the stage two rankings yesterday. Tris' incredibly fast times in the simulations brought her all the way up to first place. I was happy for her – happy and proud to see her doing so well. But a little worried at the same time too. I know Eric is already watching her and rising up through the ranks so quickly will send up a red flag. She will really be on his radar now. The thought of anyone hurting her makes me ache inside.

"You need to be careful Tris," I whisper to her, even though I know she can't hear me.

I decide to go take a shower and let her sleep as long as she can. When I get back to my room I find she is awake, arranging her hair and standing on her tiptoes trying to see her reflection in the mirror. I finish towel-drying my hair and watch her.

She finally looks at me and says "Hi" in a strained voice.

I walk over to her and examine the purple mark on her cheek. I reach out and lightly touch the bruise with my fingertips. It doesn't look very good, but if the plan is to let Peter know his attack affected her this is definitely noticeable.

"Not bad," I say. "How's your head?"

"Fine," she says. But I can tell she is in pain when she touches the bump and winces.

I move my hand to her ribs. "And your side?" I ask.

I can feel her body stiffen at my touch.

"Only hurts when I breathe."

I smile at her answer. "Not much you can do about that," I say.

"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."

"Well," I joke. "I would only go if there was cake."

She starts to laugh but then winces in pain and reaches for her side. Her hand lands on top of mine. After a brief moment I slide my hand out from under hers.

I don't look forward to seeing Peter's face this morning. Or Al's. Or Drew's if he's been released from the infirmary. Hopefully I can control any desire I might have to strangle them. I'm sure Tris is dreading seeing them too but we're going to have to face it sooner or later so we might as well get it over with. I give her a little nod of encouragement and lead the way out the door.

When we reach the dining hall I tell her "I'll go in first. See you soon Tris."

I walk through the door leaving her alone in the hallway. I quickly scan the tables where the initiates sit and find Peter in the crowd, eating a piece of toast and talking to Molly. I take a seat next to Zeke. I don't see Al or Drew anywhere. I expect Tris to walk through the door right after me but she doesn't come and I start to wonder where she is. Finally, just when I'm about to get up and go find her she enters the room. She walks slowly next to the wall with her head down and takes a seat at the table with Will and Christina. Uriah joins them from the next table. I can't hear the conversation but I can see the look of concern on their faces. I see Tris turn and glance at Peter. When Drew enters the room a few minutes later I can't help but smile. His face is cut and bruised and he walks slowly and stiffly. Good. I can't help thinking how long and painful the walk up the stairs to the fear simulation room will be for him.

When breakfast is over I stand and announce "Transfers. We're doing something different today. Follow me."

I lead them up a narrow path with no railing that leads from the Pit to the glass ceiling high above the Chasm. We're getting close to the top when I turn around and take a few steps backwards so I can see the initiates. Drew is at the rear and looks like he's in serious pain. I'm not sure he's going to make it all the way.

"Pick up the pace, Drew!" I call out to him. Even if I were in the mood to be practicing kindness today, he would not deserve it.

I catch Tris grinning at my comment but then she looks up at me and the smile fades. I notice she's holding Will's arm and I can't help wishing I could be the one to take her hand and walk next to her.

We reach the end of the path and begin to climb a set of metal stairs which leads through an opening in the glass ceiling. Once we're through the opening we're now on the other side of the glass and it is now our floor. The room is bright with sunlight here. I lead the initiates past Dauntless members and through another door into the fear landscape room. We are standing in an old building with pipes that can be seen running along the base of the walls. There are ancient fluorescent lights and all kinds of graffiti on the walls. "Dauntless" written with fancy lettering in red paint stands out on the wall behind me. I know this room well. I have continued to put myself through my fear landscape time and time again here. Amar told me I was becoming obsessive about it.

"Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it."

To myself I think what a good thing this will be for Tris and Uriah. All the initiates will be aware in their simulations like they are. It will be much harder for anyone to detect they are divergent now.

"The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have. I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body—to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head. Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"

"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example. So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."

"That doesn't sound fair," Peter says. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."

I glare at Peter. I think about what he did to Tris last night – how scared she must have been as he held her over the chasm. I think about Edward. I'd be willing to bet he was scared when he was attacked in his bed in the dark. Peter thrives on creating fear. And now he's worried that he might have more fears than someone else and that isn't _fair_? I realize the irony and start to laugh. But I'm not amused.

"Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?" I ask him.

I start to walk towards him and the initiates all step back and leave a clear path for me. I want nothing more than to hurt him at this moment. I fold my arms in an effort to restrain myself. So why would Peter almost kill a small girl like Tris? Why would he stab a boy like Edward in the eye with a knife? Because he is afraid they are better than he is?

I can hear the menace in my voice. "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward."

Peter just stands there...staring back at me.

I consider him for a minute. I have been running his simulations. I already know as well as he does that he has a lot of fears. I also know a large portion of his fears have to do with being teased. He fears public ridicule, embarrassment and humiliation. Edward had threatened to tell everyone he had peed his pants and that got him stabbed in the eye. I am not afraid of Peter but Peter should be afraid of me. Because even if he makes it past this final stage I know all about him. I know how to get to him and I want him to know it.

"So now we all know," I say in a quiet voice. "That you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation."

I give him a taunting smile...I think he got my point. I have the power to cause him a lot of embarrassment.

I turn and see Tris looking at me with a faint smile on her lips. Will has his arm protectively around her and Christina stands close by her too, looking a little like she's trying hard not to laugh.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The knocking on my door wakes me up.

"Four?" someone in the hallway calls.

Am I dreaming? Are they coming to tell me Edward was stabbed in the eye again? I still lay in bed half asleep until a thought jolts me awake and I sit up. Tris! Did something happen to Tris this time?

I leap off the bed and open the door. Harrison, a middle-aged Dauntless man stands in the hallway.

"Sorry to wake you," he says. "Max asked me to get you and tell you to get to the Pit right away."

"What happened?" I ask. My heart is thumping and I fear the worst.

"Umm...someone jumped off the ledge into the chasm. They think it was one of the initiates," he says.

Jumped or was pushed I can't help thinking.

"Who?" I demand. I'm afraid of what he will say but I have to know.

"I don't know his name," is the answer. "It was the big kid."

'_His_ name' I think to myself. That means it wasn't Tris. Relief replaces the panic I felt just a minute ago.

I pull my shoes on in a hurry and follow Harrison down the hall, my mind a blur. 'The big kid'...it must be Al. I'm not sure how I feel about Al. Big and clumsy Al. I had thought of him as a sledgehammer at one time. He was the one who was too sensitive in the beginning. He didn't want to hurt anyone fighting. Tris volunteered to have knives thrown at her to protect him. And then when stage two of training started he changed. He changed enough to help Peter almost kill Tris.

I enter the Pit just in time to see two men hoist the body above the ledge and a group of Dauntless members haul the body onto the Pit floor. The body is pale and bloated, but there is no mistaking who it is. It is Al.

"One of the initiates," I hear someone in the crowd of onlookers say. "What happened?"

"Same thing happens every year," someone else says. "He pitched himself over the ledge."

"Don't be so morbid. Could have been an accident."

"They found him in the middle of the chasm. You think he tripped over his shoelace and...whoopsies, just stumbled fifteen feet forward?"

Eric walks up behind me.

"Tragedy," he says. "Do you know of any reason he would jump?"

I'm still too stunned to respond at first. I can think of a lot of things that may have contributed to his wanting to commit suicide. But the reasons don't matter now because it won't change anything. Al is dead.

I know Eric will press me for an answer so I give him what will probably be the easiest and most accepted reason with the least amount of questions attached.

"He wasn't going to make it through initiation," I say. "He would have been cut."

Eric nods his head. "Cancel training for tomorrow. You can make the announcement in the morning. Then meet me in Max's office, he wants to talk to us." He turns and walks away.

What does he want to talk about? Al committed suicide so what is there to discuss? Do they want to do an investigation? They didn't investigate too much into Edward's situation. They had already decided what they were going to do about that before I even knew about it.

Dauntless members are carrying Al's body away, probably towards the infirmary. He didn't fit in the body bag someone had brought. The rest of the crowd is starting to break up. I see a few of the initiates but I do not see Tris. I walk to the dormitory and look for her. Tris' bunk is empty. She must have heard the news...where would she go? I wander around the compound looking for her for the next hour but I can't find her. Eventually I give up and go back to my own apartment. I can't sleep. I lay on the bed and think of Al. Part of me feels guilty. I knew Al had been struggling from the beginning but I had brushed it off – justified it by telling myself if he couldn't handle initiation then he didn't belong in Dauntless. That is true, but did I really do everything I could have done to help him? Physically Al was stronger than any of the other initiates. He was mentally and emotionally weak. Is there something I could have said that would have helped him? Could I have ultimately prevented this if I had done anything differently? And then I get a mental image of Al running away as Peter held Tris over the chasm. Maybe that was the real Al no matter what I might have said or done – maybe he was just a coward.

I think of Tris and wonder how she's handling this. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and comfort her. Or maybe I think, she would be the one comforting me.

I enter the transfer's dormitory early the next morning. Lauren will be making the announcement about Al to the Dauntless-born initiates. They are all there but no one is asleep. I immediately look to Tris first. She is sitting on the edge of her bunk with her head in her hands and does not look up.

"As you may have heard by now," I pause and take a deep breath. "There was an incident last night involving Al. Apparently he jumped into the chasm."

I look at the faces of the six that are left. Peter stands near his bunk with no expression, he looks almost bored. Drew and Molly look the most shocked by the news, did anyone tell them? Christina looks like she hasn't stopped crying since last night and wipes tears from her eyes. She sits next to Will who looks dejected. His arm is around her shoulders. Tris continues to look at the floor.

"There will be no training today," I say. "The funeral is this afternoon."

My announcements are done but I continue to stand in the doorway. Eventually everyone except Tris starts to move around and continue with their business of getting ready for the day. I stand there hoping she will look up at me. She doesn't. I want to go to her but I can't talk to her with an audience and Eric is waiting for me. I turn and leave the room.

I walk down a hall to the rooms the Dauntless leaders use as offices. Ahead of me I see a tall, thick man and a short, round woman wearing black and white emerge from Max's doorway. She is crying. They must be Al's parents.

I never wondered before what factions do with initiates if they die. Under most circumstances when someone chooses a different faction they leave their family behind – Faction before blood. But an initiate is somewhere in the middle – not really all the way in but not really on the outside either.

I enter Max's office and Eric is already there.

"So," Max says getting right to the point. "Were you aware that Al was having problems?"

I glance at Eric. What has he already told him? I still don't understand why it matters.

"Yes," I say.

"And..." Max prompts.

What do they want me to say? Where is this going? I decide to stick with what I told Eric last night.

"Al was depressed. He was ranked last. He had given up even trying to win fights. He would have been cut after stage one if Edward and Myra hadn't dropped out."

Max is silent for a moment as he paces back and forth.

"There have been a lot of...incidents during training this year," Max comments. "And somehow Tris always seems to be part of it."

My mind starts to race. How did Tris get into this conversation? And then I realize maybe I misunderstood when Eric said Max wanted to meet with us. He didn't want to talk about Al. He wants to know about something else. Think! Are they suspicious of me? Have they noticed that I am always looking at her? Do they suspect I intentionally got rid of the simulation data to protect her?

I give a halfhearted chuckle. "Do you think Tris pushed Al into the chasm?" I ask pretending to misunderstand. "I think every initiation class has it's share of issues." I look towards Eric to remind him of our rivalry.

"Tris was at the bottom after stage one and now she is ranked first," Max says.

I don't think this is about me. The focus seems to be on Tris. Are they trying to confirm that she is divergent?

"She's been doing very well," I reply.

Think. Think. Think!

Eric speaks up for the first time. "Maybe we should have a little talk with Tris."

No! I can't let that happen. Eric's idea of a little talk would be more like an interrogation session. Hopefully I can convince them they don't need to question her at all but if they are looking for answers the only way I'm going to be able to protect Tris is to make sure they get inaccurate information. I also need to make them think I have no more interest in Tris than any other initiate.

I decide to go on the offensive. "I'll be happy to question her," I say. I notice Eric gives me a sharp look. I know he wants to be the one to lead this. I think about what Tris had said about Eric. 'Jealous, even though he has what he wants.' And that is the key to getting Eric unwittingly on my side. The only way Eric will suggest giving up the idea of questioning Tris is to make him think Max is going to let me take charge. But if that plan fails I have to be the one asking the questions. If I can warn her first and word the questions carefully, I might be able to save her.

"I did notice some odd behavior the night of the capture the flag game," I say.

Two birds with one stone I think. Not only is that like rubbing salt in a wound to Eric after beating him but I also remember how Max consulted me and not him the next day to ask how the initiates were doing. I need to convince Max that I will do a better job of getting answers from Tris. Tris was on my team that night and not Eric's. If there was any "odd" behavior, Eric wouldn't know anything about it. Across the room I can see Eric is fuming.

"I've been running her simulations and Eric asked me to help keep an eye on her," I add.

Just planting a few more seeds. I have information that Eric does not and I'm insinuating that Eric has been asking me to help him even though he's the Dauntless leader. I'm pushing hard now. Eric has probably never hated me more but I can't back down. If they find out the truth they will kill her I tell myself.

I can tell it's working when Max gives Eric a disgusted look after my last comment. Apparently Eric comes to the same conclusion.

"Maybe we're being too hasty," Eric says. He keeps his voice low and steady but I know there is rage behind this controlled behavior. "Tris is just a little girl from Abnegation. She's stubborn and rebellious but I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. If there were a problem I would know. And if anything else happens to cause any doubt about that in the future, I will take care of it."

Max takes a minute to think about this and says "Fine. But I want both of you to watch her. And I expect anything suspicious to be reported to me immediately. Understood?"

"Yes," Eric says and stalks out of the room.

Max looks at me.

I meet his gaze and say "Right." I hope I sound more convincing than I feel.

I turn and leave his office closing the door behind me. I walk down the hall and turn a corner before I lean against the wall and shut my eyes. My heart is pounding. I should be relieved that I managed to talk my out of that but she is not out of danger yet. I have to warn Tris that they are watching her very closely now. She only has one more week of initiation to get through. She will always have to be careful about what she says and does but once she is a member it will be easier.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I haven't seen Tris since this morning in the dormitory. After the meeting with Max and Eric I tried to find her so I could warn her about what happened. I looked everywhere but I hadn't been able to locate her.

By the afternoon most of the Dauntless have made their way to the Pit. The majority of them are drunk. I stand among the other members, searching faces, trying to find Tris among them. Finally I spot her with Tori. She looks upset but it doesn't appear she's been crying. She goes to stand with Uriah, who is holding a flask and looks like he's been drinking and Christina, whose eyes look red and puffy. Molly walks up behind her and says something that makes her angry. Without warning Tris turns and punches her in the jaw. Will quickly breaks up the fight. I'm just about to start weaving my way through the crowd toward them when Eric stands on a box next to the railing and yells for everyone to quiet down. I decide to stay where I am and the talking begins to die down as everyone's attention is drawn toward the chasm.

"We do not know why," says Eric, "and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life of ease when we became Dauntless. And the truth of it is Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into that darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!"

The Dauntless members begin to cheer. I look again towards Tris. She stands watching the crowd with a look of disbelief on her face. Christina takes a sip from Uriah's flask. Will puts his arm around Christina and pulls her close to his side.

"We will celebrate him now, and remember him always!" yells Eric. "To Albert the Courageous!"

"To Albert!" shouts the crowd and the Dauntless chant his name. "Albert! Al-bert! Al-bert!"

I see Tris shake her head and turn away. She heads down a tunnel away from the crowd. I make my way past the chanting Dauntless and follow her. I finally catch up to her in a dark hallway near a drinking fountain.

"Tris," I say.

Apparently she had been lost in thought and my voice startles her. She jumps and turns to look at me.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. "Shouldn't you be paying your respects?"

"Shouldn't you?" I return the question. I take another step toward her.

"Can't pay respect when you don't have any," she says. Then I see her shake her head and say "I didn't mean that."

"Ah," I reply. I think her feelings about Al are just as mixed as mine.

"This is ridiculous," she suddenly spits out. "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric's calling it brave? Eric who tried to have you throw knives at Al's head? He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"

"What do you want them to do?" I ask. "Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late."

"It's not about Al," she snaps "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's...I can't..."

I can see she is trying to contain her emotions but she is starting to lose control.

"This would never have happened in Abnegation!" her voice is starting to rise "None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him, and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't care!"

I lift my eyes to the blue light that hangs above the water fountain. There is a camera hidden behind it and I realize it is not safe for the conversation to continue here.

"Careful, Tris," I say looking at the light. Hopefully she will recognize my subtle hint and realize I'm trying to tell her something.

"Is that all you can say?" she demands. "That I should be careful? That's it?"

She's too worked up now to pick up on subtleties. Unfortunately I am short tempered due to the lack of sleep and the strain I've been through today. I spent the morning trying to figure out how to save her and now she's going to wreck it if she's not careful. I don't care if she wants to vent her frustration. Actually I would like to know what she is thinking and feeling but I can't let her do it in front of a camera that may be recording her. She should know by now she can't just say whatever she wants to without thinking. Too many eyes and ears are on her.

"You're as bad as the Candor, you know that?" I snap at her. I grab her arm and drag her down the hall. When we are far enough way I stop and lean in close to her face. "I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully." I'm too upset now to be more gentle. I put my hands on her shoulders. "They are watching you." I squeeze her shoulders to help get the point across. "You, in particular."

"Let go of me," she says.

I release my grip and straighten so I'm not standing quite so close to her anymore.

"Are they watching you too?" she whispers.

Of course they're watching me I think. But I am not concerned about me. I'm concerned about her.

"I keep trying to help you, but you refuse to be helped," I say.

"Oh, right. Your help. Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure is helpful."

"Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you. I was reminding you that if you failed, someone would have to take your place."

"Why?"

"Because you're from Abnegation," I explain. "And it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest. If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away because if the wrong people discover it...well, it won't be good for you."

"Why? Why do they care about my intentions?"

"Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way. They want you to think a certain way. So you're easy to understand. So you won't pose a threat to them."

"I don't understand," she says. "Why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to."

"You're acting how they want you to now. But what happens when your Abnegation-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"

She pauses to think about this for a minute.

"I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that? I'm not weak, you know. I can do this on my own."

Eric was right. Stubborn and rebellious. And I know she's not weak. What is it about her exactly? I realize once again how much I care about her. I want so much to help her and I want her to understand why she means so much to me, but I don't really know why myself. I haven't found the words to explain it to either of us. I know I don't help her because I think she is a poor helpless little girl who can't take care of herself. And suddenly it makes me mad when I realize this is what she has been thinking.

"You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong," I say shaking my head.

I lean in close to her again and grab her chin.

"My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press."

I think I'm figuring it out. I'm explaining it to her while I'm explaining it to myself.

I look in her eyes.

"But I resist it," I say.

"Why...why is that your first instinct?"

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating."

All of the anger suddenly drains away from me. I finally understand. I think back to her volunteering to take Al's place and let the knives be thrown at her. I remember her standing on the platform of the Ferris wheel and deciding to climb higher. I've watched her in her simulations as she has faced her worse fears. It's more than being selfless. It's more than bravery. It is at those moments when she is the most vibrant and alive – that is when she is beautiful.

I let go of her chin and now I tenderly brush the back of my fingers along her jaw and then down her neck.

Quietly I say "Sometimes I just...want to see it again. Want to see you awake."

I feel her hands on my waist. And then she leans against my chest and wraps her arms around me. I put one hand on her back and pull her close to me. With my other hand I stroke her hair.

"Should I be crying? I hear her ask. "Is there something wrong with me?"

I don't know how to answer that so I ask her "You think I know anything about tears?"

"If I had forgiven him, do you think he would be alive now?"

"I don't know," I tell her. And I really don't. Maybe I could have helped him and he'd still be alive. I put my hand to her cheek and she turns her head to press her face into my palm.

"I feel like it's my fault," she confesses.

I bend my head down so my forehead rests against hers. "It isn't your fault," I tell her.

"But I should have. I should have forgiven him."

"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done. But we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."

She pulls her head back and looks up at me with a frown.

"What faction did you come from Four?" she asks.

"It doesn't matter," I tell her. "This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself."

I look into her eyes. There is so much I want to tell her, but I don't know how. I press my lips to her forehead. But for right now I don't want to think about anything. I just want to hold her.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I am coming back from the control room when I notice Will, Christina and Tris near the chasm in the Pit. It is late and most of the Dauntless have gone to sleep. They have a bundle of papers and they are ripping the pages and throwing them into the chasm. I have no idea what that is about.

From where I stand I know they can't see me. I stop and watch them for a few minutes. Amused as I see them flinging the papers over the railing. And then I make a decision.

I have been wanting to talk to Tris for awhile; to answer some of her questions about me. I'm ready to tell her my secrets and I'm not afraid.

I leave the Pit and go to get my black box. It is the same box I use every time I go through my fear landscape. Usually the box holds just one syringe but tonight I put in two.

I haven't been through my fear landscape in a few weeks – since before initiation began. I take the box with the syringes and walk back to the pit and begin my way up the path towards the glass ceiling. I don't know for sure if they will see me – if Tris will see me. Or maybe they will notice someone climbing the trail but not know it's me. But somehow I do know. I think Tris will know and she will follow me. If she does I have decided to invite her to go through my fear landscape with me. I think it will tell her far more about me than I can explain with words.

I stand outside the fear landscape room with the box and a syringe in my hands. It is midnight and the lights of the city are turning off for the night. I'm still facing the landscape door but behind me I hear her enter the room.

"Since you're here," I say without looking back at her, "You might as well go in with me."

"Into your fear landscape?" she asks.

"Yes."

I hear her walking toward me now. "I can can do that?"

"The serum connects you to the program," I say. "But the program determines whose landscape you go through. And right now, it's set to put us through mine."

"You would let me see that?"

"Why else do you think I"m going in?" I ask a quiet voice. "There are some things I want to show you."

I hold up the syringe and she leans her head to the side, exposing her neck so I can inject the serum. Then I hand her the box. She opens it and takes out the other syringe.

"I've never done this before," she says nervously.

I look at her face, never taking my eyes off hers. I touch my neck with my finger to show her the injection site.

"Right here," I say.

She stands on her tiptoes and tries to ease the needle in as gently as possible but I can feel her hands shaking and it hurts but I hold perfectly still. I take the syringes and place them in the box and then set the box on the floor near the door.

I'm nervous, but not about asking Tris to do this with me. It is comforting to know she is here with me. I'm afraid of what lurks behind this door waiting for me. Marcus is in there. I reach out my hand to Tris and she puts hers in mine. Her skin feels warm against my cold fingers. I open the door and we step into the darkness.

"See if you can figure out why they call me Four," I say.

"What's your real name?" she asks.

"See if you can figure that out too."

The simulation begins. The ground is no longer cement but a narrow ledge. The light is strong and blinding – cruel. The city is far below us - a maze of buildings and train tracks. I shut my eyes tightly. I can't look down, it makes me dizzy. It's hard to breathe.

The wind begins to blow. It blows so hard it threatens to knock us over and when it does I'm afraid we will fall. I feel the panic starting to rise. I take my hand from Tris' and wrap my arm around her instead for support.

"We have to jump off, right?" I hear her yelling into the wind.

I can't breathe. I can't speak. I just nod my head.

"On three, okay?" I hear her say.

I just barely manage another nod.

"One...two...three!" She starts to run and pulls me behind her. We take a few steps and leap off the edge of the building. I can feel the gravity pulling me to the earth. The air envelopes me and I feel like I'm suffocating. I feel like we will fall forever but finally it is over. I am on my hands and knees on the cement floor again. I reach for my chest and gasp for air.

Tris reaches for my hand to help me stand.

"What's next?" she asks.

"It's -" I don't even have to time say it before it happens. Four walls slam into us from each direction causing us to crash into each other. A roof appears and traps us inside a box so tiny I have to duck my head and draw my arms to my chest to fit inside.

"Confinement," I say with a groan.

"Hey. It's okay. Here -" I feel her take my arms and guide them around her body so I am holding her in an embrace. Normally I would enjoy the opportunity to have my arms around her but all I can feel is the lack of oxygen threatening to smother me and the walls against my arms and spine which feel like they are closing in. I tighten my grip on her back and rest my head next to hers.

"This is the first time I'm happy I'm so small," she says with a little laugh.

I utter a small sound in acknowledgment but I can't think clearly enough to come up with an actual response.

"We can't break out of here," she says. "It's easier to face the fear head on, right? So what you need to do is make the space smaller. Make it worse so it gets better. Right?"

In theory that is correct. Sounds like a good plan but I can't imagine being crammed in any tighter than we already are.

She grabs me around my middle and pulls me down. Then she turns and folds herself into an even smaller crouch. The box shrinks with us. There isn't an extra inch of space anywhere. I can not move any part of my body. I am trapped and I need to get out. I really feel myself starting to panic now.

"Ah. This is worse. This is definitely..."

"Shh, arms around me." she says in a soothing voice.

My arms wrap tightly around her waist.

"The simulation measures your fear response, so if you can calm your heartbeat down, it will move on to the next one. Remember? So try and forget that we're here."

"Yeah? That easy huh?" I say.

I know this is exactly what I tell all the initiates to do in order to coach them through their simulations but it's one of those things that is so easy to say but so difficult to do.

"You know, most boys would enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl."

I know she's trying to help but it isn't working. At the moment I don't care who is in this box with me – I just need to get out!

"Not claustrophobic people, Tris!" I tell her.

"Okay, okay." she decides to try something different. She takes one of my hands and places it over her heart. I can feel it beating rapidly.

"Feel my heartbeat. Can you feel it?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer.

"Feel how steady it is?"

"It's fast," I correct her.

"Yes, well, that has nothing to do with the box," she says. "Every time you feel me breathe, you breathe. Focus on that."

"Okay."

Focus on the breathing. Focus on the breathing I repeat over and over to myself trying to block out every other thought in my mind. I feel her taking deep breaths and I try to do the same.

"Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from. Maybe talking about it will help us...somehow," she suggests.

"Um...okay," I take another breath. "This one is from my fantastic childhood. Childhood punishments. The tiny closet upstairs."

She says nothing for a minute and then says in a quiet voice "My mother kept our winter coats in our closet."

I can't focus on breathing when I'm trying to answer questions.

"I don't...I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay. Then...I can talk. Ask me something," she says.

"Okay."

I am still trying to match my breaths to hers. Focus on the breathing. I can still feel her heartbeat rapidly thumping in her chest. Why is her heart beating so fast? If being trapped in this box isn't making her nervous, what is? Is it because she's trapped in this box with me? I can only think of one question to ask.

"Why is your heart racing, Tris?" I ask with a shaky laugh.

"Well, I...I barely know you. I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?"

What do I think? I think I figured out why her heart is beating so fast. My pulse was racing too when I held her in my arms the night of Al's funeral. I think of the situation from her point of view and realize being caught in a small space with a boys arms wrapped around her would be enough to make any Abnegation girl flustered.

"If we were in your fear landscape. Would I be in it?" I ask.

"I'm not afraid of you," she insists.

"Of course you're not. But that's not what I meant," I laugh.

Suddenly the walls break apart and we are sitting in a circle of light.

I take my arms from around her waist and she jumps to her feet, brushing off her clothes and wiping her hands on her jeans. I stand up and give her a mischievous grin.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor. Because you're a terrible liar," I tease.

"I think my aptitude test ruled that one out pretty well," she replies.

"The aptitude test tells you nothing," I say.

She frowns at me. "What are you trying to tell me? Your test isn't the reason you ended up Dauntless?"

"Not exactly, no. I..."

I have no time to continue. We have reached my third fear. I look over my shoulder and see her standing a few yards from us, pointing a gun. An ordinary woman with no distinguishable features. To our right is a small table that holds one bullet and a gun.

"You have to kill her," Tris says.

"Every single time," I answer.

"She isn't real."

"She looks real. It feels real."

"If she was real, she would have killed you already," she tells me.

I nod. "It's okay. I'll just...do it. This one's not...not so bad. Not as much panic involved."

I don't know this woman. She is just an innocent unknown. But I have to kill her. I don't want to, but I have to. That makes me a murderer. I put the bullet in the gun and then point it at the woman. My feet standing slightly apart, both hands on the gun, close one eye and aim, inhale and pull the trigger as I exhale. Just the way Amar taught me. Her body hits the ground and I drop the gun. I can only stare at her thinking that I am a killer.

I feel Tris take my arm. "C'mon, Let's go. Keep moving."

I can't take my eyes off the woman lying in a pool of blood. I killed her.

I feel Tris tugging at my arm again and I finally look away from the body and follow her. But I don't want to go any farther. This next fear is the one I've been dreading the most – it is my worst fear. I feel myself starting to break out in a sweat.

"Here we go," I whisper.

A black shadow moves. We are standing in a circle of light but he is waiting just on the edge. Waiting for me. And then Marcus steps out into view. He looks like he did when I was a child except he seems even taller and more powerful. His hands are behind his back but I know what he is holding there.

"Marcus," I hear Tris whisper.

I'm shaking. My heart is pounding.

"Here's the part where you figure out my name," I can barely get out the words.

Marcus steps toward me. I can see the glint of cruelty in his eye. I step back.

"Is he..." Tris pauses and then she understands and I hear her say "Tobias."

Marcus brings his arms to his front and there is a belt wrapped around his fist. He lets the belt uncurl.

"This is for your own good," he says.

His voice echos a dozen times and suddenly there is a figure to go with each of those sounds. Now I see my father twelve times, each holding a belt, surrounding me and moving in to deliver a painful blow. I'm terrified. I'm frozen in place and I can't move. I feel like a helpless little boy again. I'm small and weak. I cringe as the first Marcus raises his arm and prepares to strike.

But just as he snaps his arm downward Tris steps in front of me. I hear the crack of the belt but it didn't hit me, it wraps around her wrist instead. She jerks her arm back and Marcus loses his grip on the other end. She unwinds the belt from around her arm and takes the belt by the buckle. She throws her arm back over her shoulder and then forward as hard as she can. The belt sails though the air and hits Marcus' shoulder. Marcus explodes with rage and leaps towards Tris like he's going to choke her. No! I'm suddenly released from the terror that was keeping me frozen in place. I'm not scared of Marcus hitting me anymore – I don't want him to hurt Tris. I grab her arm and pull her to stand behind me. I'm now standing face to face with my father but for the first time I do not feel fear as I stare at him.

And then it's over. The lights come on and we're standing once again in the fear landscape room. Marcus is gone. It was just a split second, but I had stood in front of my father – and I wasn't afraid. I can still feel myself panting. My heart is still racing. I'm soaked in sweat. But it was different. For the first time since I stepped into this room two years ago, something was different. I look at Tris. She made the difference.

"That's it?" she says. "Those were your worst fears? Why do you only have four... Oh. That's why they call you-" Her voice trails off when she notices me staring at her.

I still can't say anything. I'm still astounded. I reach for her arm and pull her towards me. I hug her and kiss her cheek. Then I wrap my arms around her in a tighter embrace and bury my face in her neck. She did it, is all I can think.

Vaguely I'm aware that she had stood stiffly when I first grabbed her but then I feel her relax and put her arms around me.

"Hey. We got through it," she says softly.

I lift my head to look at her. I run my fingers through her hair and tuck a lock behind her ear. I'm still amazed at what she has just done for me.

"You got me through it," I finally say.

"Well, it's easy to be brave when they're not my fears," she says.

I take her hand.

"Come on," I say "I have something else to show you."


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I lead her through the glass room and then back down the path to the Pit, holding her hand the entire way.

"So...four fears," she says.

I nod. "Four fears then; four fears now. They haven't changed, so I keep going in there, but...I still haven't made any progress."

I don't know if I go back in my fear landscape alone what, if anything, will change. But, for the first time in a long time I have hope.

"You can't be fearless, remember?" she says. "Because you still care about things. About your life."

"I know," I reply.

We reach the Pit and I lead her along the narrow path along the wall that leads down to my spot at the bottom of the chasm.

"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results," she says.

"Ah. Does is matter?" I scratch the back of my neck with my hand. That nervous gesture again.

Questions. She is going to have a lot of questions now. I don't like questions and I don't feel like I'm very good at answering them. Especially when they are personal ones dealing with things I don't like to talk about. This is why I decided it would be better to show her my fear landscape rather than try to tell her all these things about myself.

"Yes. I want to know," she says.

"How demanding you are," I tease with a smile.

I'm leading her over the the jagged stones now but soon we reach the flat rock that rests just above the water. We sit next to each other with our feet hanging over the edge. The river churns below us and the crashing water sends up spray against our shoes.

"These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends," I tell her in a quiet voice.

She folds her hands together in her lap and waits.

"My result was as expected. Abnegation."

I think about telling her that Marcus had told me what the test simulation was and what I should choose to ensure I would get that result. But I decide not to elaborate on my answer. It doesn't really matter because I'm fairly confident I would have made the same choices anyway.

"Oh." She sounds a little disappointed. "But you chose Dauntless anyway?"

"Out of necessity," I say.

"Why did you have to leave?"

I look away from her and out towards the water. This might be the hardest question to answer of any of the ones she might ask. She just saw Marcus in my fear landscape...did that not explain enough?

"You had to get away from your dad," she says and spares me from having to go into any more detail. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"

I shrug. "That, and I've always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."

"But you're...incredible." She clears her throat and then continues. "I mean, by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"

I shrug again.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you're in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily."

"Yeah, well. I left Abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be," she says in a small voice.

"That's not entirely true." I smile at her. "That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me – that selfless girl, that's not you?"

She looks up at me and narrows her eyes. "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"

I have been paying close attention...to her anyway. Ever since she landed on that net.

"I like to observe people," I say.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar," she retorts.

I place my hand on the rock so I can lean in closer to her. I search her face. "Fine. I watched you because I like you. And don't call me Four okay? It's nice to hear my name again."

I see her face flush. I can tell she's embarrassed and searching for something to say.

"But you're older than I am...Tobias."

I smile. I don't think age is what she's really concerned about.

"Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is insurmountable, isn't it?" I tease.

"I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I -"

I can't help but interrupt her with a laugh now. All I've done lately is think how pretty she is. On the inside and outside – she is beautiful to me no matter what anyone else thinks.

I press my lips to her temple.

"Don't pretend. You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I'm certainly not pretty," she says.

"Fine. You're not pretty. So?"

I kiss her cheek

"I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus...you aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."

"Well, you're not," she says insistently.

I look into her eyes and then with one hand I lightly touch her face. I lean in and my lips barely brush against hers. I smile. Then I gently press my mouth to hers. I pull back briefly but then take her face in both hands and kiss her again, stronger this time. I feel her arm slip around my back. Her fingers slide up to my neck and into my hair.

We kiss for a few minutes before I take her hand again and walk her back to her dormitory. After saying good night I walk down the hallways to my own apartment.

I don't know what falling in love feels like. I've never had a girlfriend before.

I haven't had much experience with any kind of love in my life. I loved my mother but that was love from a child's perspective. I don't know if anyone has ever loved me, or if they did they had a strange way of showing it. It's always made me wonder if I was worthy of being loved.

I don't know if I love Tris. But I know I've never felt this way about anyone else.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

The next morning I cut my hair before I head to the showers. I run the clippers with the correct guard over my hair, being careful around my ears and making sure I don't miss any spots on the back of my neck. I rub my hand over my head to make sure it is even. I learned to do this by myself when I was young and I don't really need a mirror. A lot of Dauntless men grow their hair out but I prefer to keep my hair short. It is one of the few things that reminds me of being Abnegation since it is an Abnegation haircut but it makes me feel like a soldier – like I am always prepared to go into battle.

My first waking thought this morning had been of Tris. Going through my fear landscape with her and then kissing her deep in the chasm last night – it almost seems like a dream now. I know it will be hard to see her today and pretend that nothing happened. But I am still her instructor and we will need to be careful that no one finds out about our relationship. The higher her final ranking the better off she will be in terms of choosing a job. She was first after stage two and I'm confident she will do just as well in this final stage. I don't want any accusations that her scoring was a result of my favoritism. As soon as initiation is over and she is a full Dauntless member it won't matter anymore if anyone finds out about us.

When I enter the dining hall. I'm vaguely aware that Tris is sitting at her regular table with Will and Christina but I don't look at her. I take my seat next to Zeke. I manage to keep my eyes off of her for a few minutes but eventually I glance in her direction and see her watching me. I quickly look away again. It was long enough to notice that she's wearing a top that shows her tattoos and her hair is down...she looks nice.

After breakfast Lauren and I lead the initiates up to the fear landscape room. The initiates will be practicing by going through her fear landscape so she is leading the training today. I was relieved when she had volunteered to let them use her landscape. I couldn't bring myself to volunteer mine. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone finding out about Marcus.

"Two years ago," Lauren says, "I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces. Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number."

"What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" asks Lynn.

"In recent years," says Lauren, "four."

I don't know if anyone makes the connection. Four fears...they call me Four. I take a military type stand but keep my head lowered, my eyes on the floor in front of me. I don't want to know if anyone looks toward me with a sudden realization and I'm trying hard not to look at Tris.

"You will not find out your number today," says Lauren. "The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own. For the purposes of this exercise, though, each of you will only face one of my fears, to get a sense for how the simulation works."

I watch as the initiates one by one go through the fear assigned to them. Lauren is the one connected to the computer so she is the only one who can actually see the simulation. I stand by and watch along with the other initiates, seeing only each person's reactions. I'm amused to see Peter blush as he experiences the public humiliation fear.

Then it's Tris' turn. She is randomly assigned the kidnapping fear. I'm confident she will do well as she approaches Lauren and receives the serum injection. She looks calm. But when the simulation begins and she is only a few seconds into it, I realize something is wrong. She is terrified. She begins to scream and cry and thrash around. And then I realize she must be reliving the horror of Peter and Drew and Al capturing her and holding her over the chasm. This isn't just a simulation to her...it's real.

"Stop," I demand. I say the word before I can stop myself.

Lauren shoots me a questioning look but punches a few keys on the computer and the simulation ends. The lights come on and Tris drops to her knees, shaking uncontrollably and hides her face in her hands.

I just did what I wasn't supposed to do. I made a decision to protect her because she is Tris and I care about her. I couldn't watch her go through the agony of the simulation. But had it been any other initiate with the same reaction would I have stopped it? No. Anyone else and I would have let it continue. I can't baby her I reprimand myself. And then I do the only thing I can to cover my error. I march toward her and grab her arm and pull her to her feet.

"What was that Stiff?"

"I...I didn't," she can't stop crying.

"Get yourself together! This is pathetic," I say harshly.

Suddenly she stops crying and looks up at me. I see anger in her eyes. Then she hits the side of my face as hard as she can. The burning on my face is half from the sting of the impact and half from the indignation I feel. We stare at each other for a minute.

"Shut up," she says. She wrenches her arm away and storms out of the room.

The training continues but Tris does not rejoin the group. I'm glad Lauren is leading the training because I'm having trouble focusing on anything. Part of me is worried about her, part of me is annoyed that she would go running off and hiding like a child and part of me is mad that she hit me. My jaw is still sore. I don't understand where the anger came from. I'm sure when we enter the dining hall for lunch she will be there but I don't see her anywhere. By that afternoon she is still missing. Lauren asks me to go to the control room to enter the simulation data but my mind isn't on my work. When Lauren enters the room half an hour later, I realize I've hardly accomplished anything. I've spent most of the time staring blankly at my computer screen.

"So I hear your little runaway has finally been found," she says to me in a casual tone.

Instantly I'm alert.

"You'll never guess where they found her. She went to Erudite headquarters."

What? Why would Tris go to Erudite? Her brother transferred to Erudite but why would she risk going to see him now? Initiates are told they are not allowed to leave the Dauntless compound without supervision. What was she thinking?

"If you ask me, that girl is trouble," Lauren continues. "But she's got guts, I'll give her that." She gives a rueful chuckle. "She's got some explaining to do to Eric, that's for sure. I'm glad I'm not the one trying to explain why I took off. If anything she -"

"She's talking to Eric?" I interrupt.

"Well, if she's not now she soon will be. Erudite is sending her back in a car and Eric said he planned to meet her when she arrived."

This is bad. This is really bad. Eric already wanted to talk to her before but now he's really got a reason to start asking questions. I already talked her out of one interrogation, I don't know if I can do it again.

"Well if Eric is talking to her I have a few things I'd like to add to the conversation," I say getting up from the computer. I haven't finished entering the data yet but I don't care about that anymore. Lauren looks at me with raised eyebrows but I don't say any more as I walk past her and leave the room.

I pause just outside the control room door trying to decide where Eric will take her. To Max's office? But Lauren had said a car would be bringing her from Erudite which means she would be coming in through the Dauntless entrance in the glass building above the compound. Since she wasn't sure if Tris had arrived yet I decide to try there first hoping I will get to Eric before Tris does. As I make my way through the pit and up the path leading to the glass building I desperately try to think of what approach to take this time, but I'm not sure how to handle it. I think the best tactic will be to try and convince Eric that she is just a silly little girl from Abnegation. Weak. Trying to show bravado but in reality not a threat to anyone and not worth his time. I don't know if it will work but I know I have to at least try.

I finally make it to the top of the compound and as soon as I open the door I see them. Eric stands close to Tris, almost leaning over her and Tris' eyes are wide with fright.

He's already threatened her.

"What are you doing?" I ask Eric.

"Leave the room," Eric tells me.

"No. She's just a foolish girl. There's no need to drag her here and interrogate her."

"Just a foolish girl," Eric says with a snort. "If she were just a foolish girl, she wouldn't be ranked first, now would she?"

Help me Tris, I silently beg her. Please see that I've got a plan and go along with it. I pinch the bridge of my nose and look at her through the spaces between my fingers. The last time she didn't pick up on the subtle hint I tried to give her but I'm praying this time she notices.

"I...I was just embarrassed and didn't know what to do," she chokes out. She looks up and I can see tears in her eyes and she sniffs.

Embarrassed? I'm not sure what she's thinking but it's coming across that she's vulnerable anyway...that's good.

"I tried to...and..." she shakes her head.

Where is she going with this? What can I say to corroborate her story?

"You tried to what?" asks Eric.

"Kiss me," I answer for her. I don't really have the time to think this answer through but I jump at the opportunity she has provided. It will make Tris look like a silly lovesick little girl, and it could explain her answer about being embarrassed and why she would run away. "And I rejected her, and she went running off like a five-year-old. There's really nothing to blame her for but stupidity."

Eric looks from Tris to me and then suddenly starts to laugh. "Isn't he a little too old for you Tris?" he says with a smile.

Tris wipes a tear from her cheek. "Can I go now?"

"Fine," Eric says, "but you are not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again, you hear me?"

He turns his attention to me. "And you...had better make sure none of the transfers leave this compound again. And that none of the others try to kiss you."

"Fine," I say rolling my eyes.

Tris leaves through the door that leads back outside. I turn to walk away too but he isn't going to let me get away so easily.

"Just a minute."

I stop and sigh. I pause before I turn back to face him. Eric looks at me suspiciously for a minute.

"You volunteered to question her before, and today you're barging in and demanding that I don't question her. Why?"

"Because I no longer believe there's anything to question her about," I answer. "Tris is just a foolish little girl. She's just stubborn and rebellious like you said. She's trying too hard to show everyone how brave she is which keeps landing her in trouble, but I don't think she's very threatening – do you?"

"What happened in training today?" Eric asks ignoring my question.

I shrug. "She panicked during the simulation," I say trying to reinforce the idea that she is weak and vulnerable. "I scolded her and she hit me."

"Was this before or after she tried to kiss you?" Eric says with amusement in his voice.

Uh-oh. I quickly realize my two stories aren't exactly matching up. But I'm careful not to let that show on my face. I look at him reproachfully but don't respond. I'll let him try and figure out the time line.

"Her times have been very fast in the simulations," he says, still digging for more information. "How does she do it?"

"She's good at controlling her fear," I say.

He continues to look at me with narrowed eyes and I stare back.

"Was there anything else?" I finally ask.

He looks like he is about to ask me another question but decides against it. His look changes to one of superiority and he says. "No. You have my permission to leave."

A few smart remarks come to mind but I control myself just in time and say nothing. I don't need any more trouble right now. I step past him and walk out the door.

Tris is still outside, sitting on the pavement with her arms hugging her knees. When she sees me she stands up and crosses her arms.

"What?" she says.

I should be upset with her. Besides slapping me she has disrupted my whole day, run off to Erudite and caused another confrontation with Eric. But when I look at her, concern is the first thing I feel.

"Are you all right?" I ask. I reach out to touch her cheek but she bats my hand away.

"Well, first I got reamed out in front of everyone, and then I had to chat with the woman who's trying to destroy my old faction, and then Eric almost tossed my friends out of Dauntless, so yeah, it's shaping up to be a pretty great day, Four."

I shake my head and look away, trying to figure it out. She's had a bad day – I get it. But I still don't get why she's taking it out on me. I got after her when I stopped the simulation but I had to do that to cover my mistake.

"Why do you care, anyway," she asks. "You can be either cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend. You can't play both parts at the same time."

She is mad at me for scolding her. But I had to – does she not understand?

"I am not cruel," I snap at her. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were...You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill."

She opens her mouth to respond but stops. After a few seconds she brings her hands up to cover her face.

"You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them," she finally says.

"And you didn't have to run off to your brother just because I hurt you."

She didn't understand why I did what I did. But I didn't understand either. I always think of her as being so strong and I didn't realize the affect my words and my actions would have on her.

"Besides-it worked, didn't it?" I ask a little ashamed now, rubbing my neck.

"At my expense."

"I didn't think it would affect you this way. Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt."

She puts her hands in her pockets and is silent for a minute while she is lost in thought. Then she stands on her tiptoes and gives me a quick kiss.

"You're brilliant, you know that? You always know exactly what to do."

"Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time." I give her a kiss. "How I would handle it, if you and I..."

I suddenly stop.

"Did I hear you call me your boyfriend, Tris?"

"Not exactly," she says shyly with a shrug. "Why? Do you want me to?"

I put my hands on her neck and tilt her head back so I can rest my forehead against hers. I close my eyes. We both hurt each other today. Neither of us meant to but it still happened. Our relationship has been difficult from the beginning. Are we good for each other?

"Yes," I finally say. Because it is what I want.

But the smile that was on my lips fades when I consider the problems we're still facing.

"You think we convinced him you're just a silly girl?"

"I hope so," she says. "Sometimes it helps to be small. I'm not sure I convinced the Erudite, though."

The Erudite. She talked to Jeanine Matthews and Tris said she was trying to destroy her old faction. And I think she's right – I think the Erudite want to attack and destroy Abnegation too.

"There's something I need to tell you," I say.

"What is it?"

"Not now." I suddenly remember I have to be careful about people watching us. I look around but I don't see anyone. "Meet me back here at eleven thirty. Don't tell anyone where you're going." She nods and I turn and walk away.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

That I night I make my way back to the Dauntless entrance where I told Tris to meet me. I arrive five minutes early and wait in the shadow of the building for her. When I see her I don't say anything, I just reach for her hand and lead her toward the train tracks. I can already see the 11:30 train moving towards us. As the train passes I run a few steps before pulling myself into the car and then reach back to help Tris in behind me. She stumbles a bit as the train's movement throws her slightly off balance and she falls against me, her cheek landing against my chest. I reach out to grab her shoulders to catch her but then let my hands glide down her arms to her elbows. Dauntless headquarters recedes into the distance as we stand near the open door, steadying each other as the train jostles us and the wind blows against us.

"What is it you need to tell me?" she shouts over the roar of the wind.

"Not yet," I say.

It will be a few minutes before we can see Erudite headquarters which is what I want to show her. But for those few minutes I get to be alone with her...my girlfriend. I sit down on the floor with my back against the car wall and pull her down near me so we are facing each other. The wind is still pretty strong and blowing strands of her long blonde hair. I brush the loose hair from her face and tuck it behind her ears and then pull her toward me so I can kiss her.

The train lurches and I feel her arm react - to reach for something to help balance herself, but instead of landing on the train floor I feel her hand against my hip. She doesn't move her hand away but instead adjusts herself to sit on my lap and kisses me. I move my hands to her shoulders again and then run my fingers down her back. Suddenly I remember something I've been curious about. I unzip her jacket, just a little, until the tattoos on her collarbone are revealed. I lightly run my fingertips over the birds on her skin and smile.

"Birds. Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask."

"Ravens." she replies. "One for each member of my family. You like them?"

I pull her close to me and gently kiss each bird. Then I reach up to touch her face with my hand. The train is slowing as we reach the center of the city and we are almost to the place where we can see Erudite headquarters now.

"I hate to say this, but we have to get up now," I tell her.

She nods and opens her eyes. We stand and I draw her over to the train door again. It's now midnight and the lights of the city have been turned off. In the faint moonlight the shapes of the city's buildings are barely visible against the dark night sky. But against the dark background, far away in the distance, there is one area of light. Erudite headquarters.

"Apparently the city ordinances don't mean anything to them because their lights will be on all night," I say.

Tris frowns. "No one else has noticed?" she asks.

"I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it. It may be because they don't want to cause a problem over something so small," I reply. I am silent for a moment, gazing out at the landscape, lost in thought. Then I shrug and continue my thoughts out loud. "But it made me wonder what the Erudite are doing that requires night light."

I turn to look at Tris and lean back against the train wall.

"Two things you should know about me," I tell her. "The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general. It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers. A few weeks ago, before training started, I was at work and I found a way into the Dauntless secure files. Apparently we are not as skilled as the Erudite are at security, and what I discovered was what looked like war plans. Thinly veiled commands, supply lists, maps. Things like that. And those files were sent by Erudite."

"War?" she asks incredulously as she brushes the loose strands of hair away from her face again. "War on Abnegation?"

I reach out for her hands and slide my fingers between hers. "The faction that controls the government. Yes. All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against Abnegation. Evidently the Erudite now want to speed up the process. I have no idea what to do about it…or what could even be done." I look out towards the city, towards the shining area of light.

"But, why would Erudite team up with Dauntless?" she asks, but then a moment later answers her own question. "They're going to use us."

"I wonder," I say after another few minutes of thought have passed, "how they plan to get us to fight."

"I don't know," she answers.

We look at each other. A sense of foreboding has settled over us. We both know something bad is about to happen in the city. I think of the Abnegation sector. Marcus is still there. I have no respect for him but I don't want him and countless other Abnegation members like Tris' parents who are innocent to be attacked and possibly killed for no reason. And the thought that the Dauntless, my friends and even Tris and I could be a part of an attack? It's unthinkable. I know I would never willing take part in anything like that. What plan could Erudite possibly have to convince us to wage war on another faction?

I pull Tris toward me and hold her in an embrace, her head resting against my shoulder. I don't know what we can do about the situation but part of me feels better now that I've told someone about it. At least it's a burden I don't have to bear alone anymore. Maybe together we can figure out what to do.

The train has made its way around the city and we are back near Dauntless headquarters again. We jump off the train and part before we enter the compound again, but not before I pull her aside for a kiss goodnight.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

The grueling weeks of training are finally over. I'm happy that after today I'm done overseeing the initiates. I won't have to see Peter, Drew and Molly anymore. I can avoid Eric again. I can go back to my job in the control room with Zeke. And best of all, I won't be Tris' instructor anymore. All she has to do is pass her final test and she will be a Dauntless member. Finally, it won't matter if anyone finds out about us. I know it will be wise to still be discreet about our relationship for a little while to avoid any unnecessary rumors but at least I won't have to constantly be trying to think of ways to keep people from discovering us either.

I wonder what job Tris will want. I guess her options will depend on her final ranking. As long as she's in the top ten I don't care. A top five ranking will be even better because then she will be assigned an apartment here at Dauntless headquarters and not have a job out on the fence so we will see a lot more of each other.

I remember the Abnegation initiation ceremony. The initiates perform community service for thirty days to become members there. The ceremony itself is very quiet. The Abnegation manifesto is read and the older members wash the initiates' feet. Then a quiet meal with each person serving food to the person on his left.

The Dauntless don't do that.

The compound today is even crazier than usual. Loud, with crowds of people everywhere and most of them drinking.

I would have liked to see Tris this morning but it's a busy day for me, helping to set up for the final fear landscape simulations and the Dauntless leaders who will be evaluating them. Besides, I figure Tris will need the time to prepare for her final test. I had told the initiates the best preparation for this final stage is mental. To think about their fears, what they mean and come up with a strategy to conquer them.

The simulations for the Dauntless-born begin right after lunch. The transfers will go last, later this afternoon.

I take my place with Lauren at the entrance of the room just next to the fear landscape room. A row of chairs have been placed for Eric and Max and the other leaders where they can attach the wires that connect them to the simulations for observation. Another row of chairs behind them have been placed for the initiates to wait for their names to be called. There is a large screen in the room where we can see the person going through their simulation in the fear landscape room but since we are not connected to the program we do not know what their fears are, we can only watch their reactions. Outside this room, in the large glass building swarms of Dauntless members gather. Screens have also been set up in this room too so the members can watch the initiates and see their statistics. As each initiate completes their simulation the screen flashes green and their final time is posted. A deafening cheer from the crowd can be heard after the completion of each simulation.

One by one the Dauntless-born go through their simulations. Their order is determined by their current standings so while some of them do well and post fairly good times the top initiates like Uriah and Lynn still have yet to go. Marlene is in the fear landscape room when the transfer initiates arrive. Tris is shorter than the other initiates and at the back of the group so I don't see her until they are filing into the room. She passes me without looking at me. The seats for the initiates are all taken and Tris stands against the wall.

"Hey, Tris!" I hear Uriah call out to her. "You can sit on my lap, if you want."

"Tempting. It's fine. I like to stand," I hear her reply.

The lights come on in the fear landscape room as Marlene's simulation ends. Her time is good. The leaders stand and make their way into the next room to congratulate her.

"Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand, so Drew will go first and Tris will go last," I announce during the break in between simulations.

I glance at Tris from time to time but don't catch her eye. She seems to be focusing intensely on her thoughts and trying to ignore everything going on around her. Waiting is nerve-racking but since she is going last she will know how everyone else did and how well she needs to do to beat them.

Lynn does well.

Uriah finishes his simulation with an even faster time than Lynn.

The transfer initiates begin their simulations. Eric injects Drew with the syringe and sends him into the fear landscape room. For the first time since she entered, Tris and I exchange a glance. She looks a little apprehensive. She closes her eyes instead of watching Drew and goes back to trying to drown out the activity surrounding us.

Drew finishes but his time is not very good. I don't think he's going to make the top ten which means he will be Factionless.

Molly goes next and her time is twice as fast as Drew's. I'm mentally trying to calculate and rank all the initiates in my head. Six of the Dauntless-born had very fast times and I think they will all make it. I'm hoping Will and Christina will do well. Tris should make it unless something disastrous happens. I remember how she panicked while practicing in Lauren's simulation and pray that doesn't happen again. Unfortunately the other one who consistently does well is Peter.

Christina gets through her fear landscape with a good time.

Will is next. He also does well. They have both beat Molly and Drew.

Peter goes before Tris. He has a lot of fears, but his time is still pretty good. He's definitely made it in the top ten. I'm still hoping he'll be in the bottom half though and assigned out on the fence – far away from me.

"Tris," I hear Eric call.

She opens her eyes and walks to the front of the observation room where Eric inserts the needle full of orange liquid into her neck.

"Ready?" he asks.

She nods and makes her way into the fear landscape room. I see that look of determination on her face. I know she can do this.

I see her bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet and I can already tell she is breathing more rapidly as she waits for her first fear to materialize.

"Four," I hear someone hissing my name nearby.

I turn and see Shauna standing just outside the doorway.

"I need your help," she says.

Horrible timing. The only thing I want to do right now is watch Tris and see how she does in her simulation. But I can't ignore Shauna so I take a few steps over to her and ask "What is it?"

"Zeke. He's been drinking. Celebrating Uriah's Dauntless membership. I want to get him back down to the Pit but he can barely walk straight and I'm afraid he's going to fall off the path and hurt himself. Will you help me get him down there?"

I sigh. I really want to stay and see how Tris does but Zeke is my best friend. Hauling Zeke down the path will take a few minutes, probably as long as Tris' fear landscape will last. I look up at the screen and I see Tris crouch and feel along the ground for something. Since I can only see her reactions and not her actual simulation anyway I nod to Shauna and follow her. She leads me into the Glass building and through a maze of Dauntless members who are watching Tris on the screens.

"Four!" Zeke says when he sees me. "Uriah did...really good didn't he?"

"Yes, he did great," I reply. I lift one of his arms across my shoulders and start leading him toward the path that leads down to the Pit. He smells like alcohol.

"Where we going?" he asks.

Shauna, who is following us tells him "We're just taking you down to the Pit Zeke."

Zeke stumbles and it takes all my strength to keep both of us on our feet. It's a good thing I'm helping, I don't think Shauna could have kept him upright on this uneven path.

We make it to the Pit and I lead him away from the chasm and let him sit on a bench. I'm amazed we managed to get to the bottom without falling at least once.

Shauna smiles at me. "Thanks Four. I can take it from here. Maybe I can convince him to go lay down before the banquet."

I glance at Zeke who is sitting with his eyes closed. I think sleep would be the best thing for him right now.

"You need me to help you get him to his room?" I ask.

"No. It's okay. He can walk, he's just a little unsteady. As long as he can't fall into the chasm we'll be alright," she laughs a little. She turns to Zeke and says "Come on Zeke, how does a nap sound?" She grabs his hand and pulls him up. Zeke stands and wobbles a little bit but steadies himself. He wraps his arm around Shauna and says "let's go!"

I watch them walk away, Zeke swaying a little but managing to stay on his feet. Shauna is right, he'll be alright as long as he can't fall into anything. I sprint back up the path to the glass room and walk into the observation room again. I still see Tris on the screen, her simulation isn't over yet. She looks confused. What is this fear? Her eyes close and her mouth opens slightly but she stands still. Her heart begins to beat faster but she still doesn't seem to be reacting to anything. She pushes something away from her and then puts her hands on her head, as if she's trying to think quickly about what to do. This must be a fear she hasn't faced before. I wonder what it is? She mouths a few words I can't understand and then grabs something and turns around, pushing it up against something. And then...is she laughing? My eyes are drawn away from Tris and I look at the leaders in their line of chairs as they begin to laugh too. What is in her fear landscape that everyone is finding so funny? I glance back at Tris and she is still fighting off the laughter with her hand covering her mouth and I realize her face is red. Then I understand something was embarrassing and that's why everyone was laughing.

Her laughter suddenly stops. Her body stiffens. She wipes the palms of her hands on her pants. Tears begin to fall and she shakes her head. She raises her arm as if to hold out a gun and shouts something. Her heart is racing. She closes her eyes. And then suddenly she appears to drop the gun she is holding and she turns her body around.

The lights come on. It is over.

"How did she do?" I ask Lauren.

Lauren looks up at me and says with a twinge of jealousy in her voice, "Only seven fears."

A smile crosses my face. She did it! And only seven fears? I look at the screen for her final time. It was extremely fast. She made it and I know it was good enough that she may even be ranked first. The leaders disconnect themselves from the simulation computers. I hear them murmuring among themselves before they make their way into the fear landscape room.

Tris had fallen to her knees as soon as the simulation ended but as the door opens and I follow the leaders into the room, she stands and faces us. I smile at her.

"Congratulations Tris. You have successfully completed your final evaluation," Eric says.

"Thanks," she says. She tries to smile but she can't quite manage it.

"There is one more thing before you can go and get ready for the welcoming banquet," he says. He turns to Anne, the only female Dauntless leader, a large and menacing woman with blue hair, and she hands him a small black case and takes out a syringe with a long needle. "At least you aren't afraid of needles. This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution."

"How often do people go missing?" Tris asks with a frown on her face.

"Not often," Eric answers. "This is a new development, courtesy of the Erudite. We have been injecting every Dauntless throughout the day, and I assume all the other factions will comply as soon as possible."

The only people I know about that have ever gone "missing" I suspect were divergent. And I think the Dauntless leaders were responsible. I was wary of this injection this morning when I received mine. I don't trust Eric and his story about what this is. Anything that involves the Erudite makes me nervous. But just like Tris now, I knew I wasn't able to refuse it either. All the Dauntless members are getting these injections today, it's not just a select few. I can't make sense of it.

"All right," she says after a slight hesitation. She moves the hair from her neck and tilts her head to the side for Eric to rub a small area of her skin with an antiseptic wipe and inject the needle into her neck.

"The banquet is in two hours. Your ranking among the other initiates, Dauntless-born included, will be announced then. Good luck."

The others leave the room but I stand near the door and motion for Tris to come to me.

"I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face. Practically unheard of," I say to her as she reaches me.

"You...you weren't watching the simulation?" she asks.

"Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing. They seemed impressed," I tell her.

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four, but it will suffice."

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first."

We walk into the glass room and begin to weave our way through the crowd. The members are slowly making their way down to the Pit now that the simulations have finished. People cheer and congratulate Tris as we cross the room.

As we start down the path she says, "I have a question. How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"

I'm surprised by this question. I've been running all her simulations in training. Sometimes there are new fears in your fear landscape but more than likely I already know about everything she's faced. And then I remember there was one obstacle that must have been new, the embarrassing one that made everyone laugh. She never experienced a simulation like that in the second phase of training. Whatever it was, I know nothing about it.

"Nothing, really. Why?" I ask.

"No reason," she says and kicks at a pebble.

"Do you have to go back to the dormitory? Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet," I say.

A strange look crosses her face.

"What is it?" I ask. What did that look mean?

She hesitates for a moment as if she's considering something but then replies, "Let's go."

When we get to my apartment I close the door and take off my shoes.

"Want some water?" I ask. She's acting a little strange. Maybe she's still just trying to recover from her fear landscape. But she made it! There is no doubt now she will be a Dauntless member and she can relax. We can both relax!

"No thanks," she says stiffly. She's standing awkwardly with her hands clasped in front of her.

"You okay?" I ask. What is bothering her? I touch her cheek and then run my fingers through her hair. I lean down to kiss her. I can feel how tense she still is but I am not. I am relieved. Initiation is finally over! I can kiss her now and I'm not her instructor and she's not my student anymore. Now she is just my girlfriend. I push her jacket off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She flinches and pushes me away from her. She looks alarmed and I see tears brimming in her eyes. Then she hides her face in her hands.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask. I'm startled by her reaction. What did I do? She wasn't this hesitant about kissing me on the train.

She shakes her head.

My concern is quickly turning into anger. Obviously something is wrong. Why won't she tell me what's going on?

"Don't tell me it's nothing," I snap. I grab her arm. "Hey, look at me."

She drops her hands and looks up at me.

"Sometimes I wonder, what's in it for you. This...whatever it is," she says in a shaky voice.

What? She doesn't believe my affection for her is real? She thinks I have ulterior motives?

"What's in it for me," I repeat as I shake my head. "You're an idiot, Tris."

"I am not an idiot," she says. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for...um, you know...that..."

"What? Sex? You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to."

Okay, that came out sounding all wrong. If I'm being honest with myself of course I'm attracted to her that way. I've thought about it. But I haven't been expecting anything from her. We both come from Abnegation – a place where holding hands would probably be considered to be scandalous.

She looks hurt and blinks a few times trying to hold back her tears before she says "I'm going to leave now," and she turns toward the door.

"No, Tris," I say as I grab her wrist. She tries to push me away but I grab her other wrist and hold her with our arms crossed between us. "I'm sorry I said that. What I meant was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you."

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape. Did you know that?" she asks fighting tears again.

"What? You're afraid of me?" I ask. I'm horrified. I know I'm not the kindest person and because I was an instructor under Max and Eric I've had to be even more stern than usual. I'm not surprised that I came across as intimidating but she is really afraid of me? I thought I had managed to show her a little bit of my gentler side. Show her she could trust me and that I really care about her...I think I might even be in love with her. Did she not see any of that? The thought devastates me.

"Not you," she explains. "Being with you...with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and...you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and..."

Oh. She's not really afraid of me then, she's just afraid of...what? She's afraid that I'm expecting her to have sex with me? Does she think that's what everyone in Dauntless automatically does? Does she think I've had other girlfriends and that's what I've been doing since I've been here?

"Tris, I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me too," I tell her.

"Delusion? You mean you haven't...oh. Oh. I just assumed...um. You know."

"Well, you assumed wrong," I say.

That was exactly what she had been thinking. I feel embarrassment creep up my neck and into my face. No wonder that's what she was thinking. I brought her to my room, I kissed her, I took her jacket off...and just how many other girls did she think I had been with? But now she knows the real answer – none. I'm so awkward about this stuff. But apparently she is too. I take her face in my hands. We may have chosen Dauntless but I think deep down we're just a pair of Abnegation Stiffs. But awkward or not, at least we're on an equal level and I want her to know that we can deal with it together.

"You can tell me anything, you know. I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise."

I reach down to kiss her forehead, the tip of her nose and finally her mouth. My hands are on her shoulders and I feel a bandage on her right arm. I wasn't aware that she was injured.

"Are you hurt?" I ask.

"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed, I just..wanted to keep it covered up."

"Can I see?"

She nods and pulls the sleeve of her shirt down so her shoulder is exposed. I run my fingers along the bare skin of her shoulder and then carefully pull back the edge of the bandage. I see a pair of hands, palms up as if to help someone stand, bounded by a circle. It is the Abnegation faction symbol. I already knew she had the Dauntless symbol on her left shoulder. I can't help but smile. She has chosen two of the same tattoos I did. We are a good match for each other.

I give a small laugh and tell her, "I have the same one, on my back."

"Really, Can I see it?" she asks.

I cover the tattoo with the bandage again and pull her shirt back in place.

"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" I ask in a teasing voice.

She gives a nervous laugh and says "Only...partially."

I nod. But then my smile fades and I am serious again. The awkward Abnegation Stiff feeling is back. Not only have I just consented to show her my tattoos but that means taking my shirt off and letting her see a large portion of my body. I've never done that for anyone before and the thought makes me uncomfortable. Be brave I tell myself. I look into Tris' eyes and take off my sweatshirt, throwing it onto the chair that sits in front of my desk. I take a deep breath and then grab the hem of my T-shirt and pull it off over my head. She stares at my chest and I look away.

"What is it?" she asks.

"I don't invite many people to look at me," I choke out. "Any people actually."

"I can't imagine why, I mean, look at you," she says quietly.

She walks around me and silently stands behind me. I can only imagine what she is thinking as she sees all five of the faction symbols on my back.

"I think we've made a mistake," I explain. "We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind and honest." I clear my throat. "I continually struggle with kindness," I confess.

"No one's perfect," she says softly. "It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away and another bad thing replaces it."

I feel her fingertips brush against my skin where the Abnegation symbol is and a chill runs down my spine.

"We have to warn them, you know. Soon."

"I know. We will," I say firmly.

I turn around to face her again and look in her eyes. She looks uncomfortable.

"Is this scaring you, Tris?" I ask.

"No," she says and then clears her throat. "Not really. I'm only...afraid of what I want."

"What do you want?" I ask. And then I think I know the answer. It's the same thing I want.

"Me?"

She slowly nods.

I take her hands in mine and place her palms on my stomach. Slowly I guide her hands up to my chest and to my neck. I feel her shaking and I'm just as nervous. Maybe this is what we want but maybe this isn't the right time.

"Someday, if you still want me, we can..." I pause. I can't even say the words. "We can..."

She wraps her arms around me and lays her cheek against me, right over my heart.

"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?" I hear her ask.

"Terrified," I reply with a smile.

She lifts her head from my chest and I feel her kiss my throat. "Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore."

I bend my head to kiss her slowly.

"Then everyone can call you Six."

"Four and Six," she says with a small sigh.

I retrieve my T-shirt from the floor and we lay next to each other on my bed talking and once in a while kissing. I think we both feel more comfortable now. She tells me stories of her family and childhood. We talk about school and people and places we knew in Abnegation. We are both amazed at how many times we must have passed each other but never noticed one another then. I tell her about the first time I saw her in Dauntless when she landed on the net. She laughs when I ask about the night I drank too much and want to know what I said. Eventually the conversation stops and we drift off to sleep until we hear shouts of people in the hallway making their way to the banquet.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Tris and I walk to the dining hall for the banquet together but separate before we go in. She goes in first and I wait a minute before I follow her. As I enter I look toward her table and see her sitting with Christina and Will. I make my way to my usual table where I see Zeke and Shauna and sit next to Zeke. He offers me a bottle but I turn it down.

"Did you get any sleep?" I ask Zeke.

"Yeah," he says. But not enough I think. His eyes are bloodshot and he still looks like he's had too much to drink. I hope he doesn't have any plans to go near the chasm tonight.

"Where did you go?" Shauna asks me.

"Umm...just back to my room. I ended up falling asleep for a little while too," I say with a little laugh.

I can feel myself fidgeting a little nervously. I hope they don't notice but I see Shauna looking at me with narrowed eyes but she says nothing. This is a good time to change the subject.

"Uriah and Lynn both did really well, I bet they'll be in the top five," I say.

"Who else do you think made the top five?" Zeke asks.

Uh-oh, I think. Back to Tris again. I get the feeling I'm not going to be able to hide my feelings for her very well, especially from Zeke and Shauna who know me better than anyone.

Thankfully we're interrupted when a microphone squeals loudly and we all turn to see Eric standing on a table, tapping the microphone in his hand.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for the Erudite," he begins. The crowd laughs. "So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations."

The room explodes with the sound of fists pounding on the tables.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you."

I look down at the table in an effort to avoid rolling my eyes. Eric can say those things but his actions do not match the words. What he just described is the Dauntless I wanted but it is not the Dauntless we have now. The crowd however cheers and begins to pound their fists again.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked. The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combination of three scores – the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third, from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me."

Eric has barely spoken the word "me" when the names begin to appear on a large screen. Tris' name and picture are posted at the top. She is ranked number one.

I feel a huge smile break out over my face. I am filled with happiness and pride. She not only made it through initiation but she came in first! I glance over to her table and see she is already being smothered by a hug from Will.

Beside me Zeke and Shauna are cheering until Zeke pulls Shauna into his arms and kisses her. I look back up at the board and see the reason they are celebrating is because Uriah is second and Lynn is third.

I read through the entire list

1. Tris

2. Uriah

3. Lynn

4. Marlene

5. Peter

6. Will

7. Christina

8. Johnny

9. David

10. Adam

11. Molly

12. Drew

Peter made the top five. That's a disappointment, but I smile again when I see that Will and Christina made the top ten and will be Dauntless members. I also notice that Molly and Drew did not and are now Factionless. I stop reading through the names after I know how the transfers did.

The room is in chaos but I begin to weave my way over to Tris' table. I finally find her and tap her on the shoulder. She turns around, smiles and stands when she sees me. I have never seen her happier.

"You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" I ask.

"You know, I really don't care," she replies. And before I can stop her she stands on her tiptoes and reaches up to kiss me.

At first I'm surprised and the practical part of my brain tells me this isn't a smart thing to do – to be kissing where everyone can see us. But after a second I decide I don't care either. A moment later she pulls away and looks at me. Her eyes are wide, like she just thought of something important.

"Tris?" I say. I'm not sure what's going on. Unless she just came to the conclusion that we shouldn't be seen together in public I have no idea what she's thinking.

She shakes her head and says, "Not now."

I notice Will and Christina are staring at us.

"Later," she says. "Okay?"

I nod. I'm not sure what just happened. The look she gave me makes me think she wants to tell me about something. I want to know what's going on but with all the people and the noise it will be impossible to talk here. Already there are members and other initiates pulling us apart. It seems they all want to congratulate her and I get a few compliments too, for having the top initiate and having four of my transfers finish in the top ten.

I slowly make my way back to my table. Zeke and Shauna both look at me and smile. Am I imagining they are both looking at me questioningly? They probably saw me and Tris kissing.

And then something else catches my attention. I see Eric and the other leaders leading Molly, Drew and the other initiates who didn't make the top ten out of the room. Just as I had never thought before about what happened to an initiate if they die, I never stopped to give much thought to what happens to the ones who fail initiation. Are they taken somewhere in particular or just escorted from the compound and left to fend for themselves?

Suddenly the crowds and noise are too much for me. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic and I need fresh air. I make my excuses to Zeke and Shauna and head back up the path to the glass room and outside. I stand in the warm evening air looking at the city for a long time. I can't stop thinking about Tris and how proud of her I am. The little girl from Abnegation, the Stiff, beat them all! I wonder if they will offer her a job as a Dauntless leader? Would she want that job? I didn't accept the position and have always wondered if I should have. Now, maybe she will have the opportunity to succeed where I failed.

Eventually the rumbling of my stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten anything since lunch. I was in such a hurry to get away from all the people I hadn't gotten the chance to eat anything at the banquet. I stop by the dining hall which still has some food set out and take my plate to the Pit. Tris and I didn't get the chance to decide when or where to meet later so I figure I'll wait there where I'll be easy to find. I spend the rest of the evening watching the crowds of Dauntless celebrate until it gets late and slowly the Pit empties as everyone turns in for the night. I stay where I am for another hour thinking Tris has probably just been waiting until everyone is in bed before coming to talk to me but she never appears. Finally I give up. Whatever she wanted to tell me will have to wait until morning.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I walk down the quiet, empty hallways towards my apartment but then I see a strange sight. All at once the doors in the hall open at the same time and Dauntless members begin to file into the hallway. Everyone is silent and has a blank look on their face, staring ahead at nothing. They all look like they are sleepwalking...but everyone all at the same time? What is going on? My stomach drops as I put the pieces of the puzzle together. My hand reaches up to my neck and my fingers feel the hard lump under my skin. The "tracking device" everyone received earlier – it is a transmitter. Everyone is in a simulation. This is how Erudite is going to get us to attack Abnegation. Dauntless will attack without even being aware of what they are doing. Is this what Tris realized earlier? Where is she now? The simulation must not be working on me because I am divergent so it probably isn't affecting her either. What about Uriah and any other divergent who are immune to the simulation? The lines of Dauntless uniformly begin to move forward toward the Pit. I want to run to the dormitory and find Tris but I realize if anyone sees me and I am not moving and acting like everyone else they will know what I am...and probably kill me. I quickly slide into a gap in the line and begin to follow the movements of the person in front of me. As we approach the Pit I see Max ahead of me, watching the lines of brain-dead people as they follow the instructions the simulation is giving them. I try to stare straight ahead and show no recognition or expression on my face. As I pass my heart is pounding, I'm sure he's going to look closely at me and see that I am not a mindless robot but he pays no attention to me. Instead of entering the Pit we turn left, climb a flight of stairs and enter a cavern which has tables loaded with guns. I scan the crowds without turning my head, but I don't see Tris or any of the initiates in the groups ahead of me. What if they have already discovered that she is divergent? What if she is...No! She is alright I tell myself. I have to believe she is doing the same thing I am...pretending to be under the simulation. If only I could find her. I pick up a gun, holster and belt, careful to make my actions match everyone else. We climb more stairs and exit the compound near the train tracks. A train with open doors is already waiting for us to load.

"What am I going to do?" my mind yells over and over. I have to find Tris! We can't be a part of the attack on Abnegation!

One by one the Dauntless climb into the train cars, each person turning and offering a hand to help the next person board. A hand reaches out to me and I grab it and hoist myself into the car. I turn, careful to keep my face blank and my movements robotic but my heart leaps when I reach down to help the girl behind me into the train – it is Tris! She takes my hand, climbs up as well as she can and stands facing me for just a second. I see her eyes glance up at me out of my peripheral vision but I don't acknowledge it, afraid it will give both of us away. But it confirms what I hoped – because she is divergent she is not under the simulation either. She turns and faces away from me.

People continue to fill the car until we are standing in four rows, shoulder-to-shoulder. When our car is full and I'm sure the crowd will hide any movement, I slowly reach forward and take her hand. I feel her small, slender fingers slide between mine and her palm press against mine. She squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. We are both awake and now we are together. As soon as we reach Abnegation we can follow the crowd until we see an opportunity to run. The train begins to pull forward. I move my thumb in a slow circle over the back of her hand. I want to talk to her and form a plan but for now all I can do is reassure her with my touch that I am here with her.

The sun is just beginning to peek over the horizon as our train moves through the city and towards the Abnegation sector, but my mind is racing. All I can think is that we will need to run the first chance we have and try to escape into the city. But then what? Where will we go and what will we do? Will we be cowards by running away? We can't leave the Abnegation to be slaughtered by the Dauntless but what can we do to stop it? Perhaps we can get to Candor and Amity and tell them what is happening and together they can stop Erudite. Yes, getting away from Abnegation and going to Candor first since they are closest will be the best thing we can do.

Eventually the train slows until we screech to a halt not far from Abnegation. Just before we jump from the train I turn my head towards Tris and I see her quickly glance up at me. "Run," I say.

"My family," she says sounding desperate. She turns her head to face the front of the car again and jumps to the ground behind the others.

I jump too and take a few quick, long strides so I can walk in front of her. I know she's right to want to protect her family. I will lead her into Abnegation and if we can reach her family undetected we will try to save them but if we run into trouble I'm fully prepared to grab her and force her to run with me.

Abnegation. I never wanted to step foot here again. All the buildings look the same and bring back a flood of memories. The streets seem strangely dark and empty except for the rows of silent Dauntless soldiers marching in unison. Every few hundred yards are officers, not under the simulation, who watch as we file past. What are we here to do? We walk a half mile and then I hear gunshots in the distance. My heart begins to pound but I continue to walk and stare straight ahead.

Ahead of us I see Tori. She forces a gray-clothed man to his knees and without hesitating pulls her gun from the holster and shoots him in the back of the head. The man was a council member. Is that what the simulation is telling the soldiers to do – identify and kill the Abnegation leaders? If that is right then Andrew Prior, Tris' father, will be a target and, I can't help thinking, and...so will Marcus.

We continue on past Tori and the dead council member until ahead of us the line suddenly stops. I hear another gunshot. Another council member murdered. I see adult Abnegation members and children being prodded like cattle toward a nearby building but I do not see any Abnegation leaders among them. Dauntless soldiers guard the doors.

I stand still and stare ahead. Randomly Dauntless soldiers begin suddenly stepping out of line and walking away to perform tasks. Eventually Tris and I will be discovered if we stay here and don't respond to the simulation commands. What are we going to do?

"This is insane," I hear a man speaking. I can't see him coming up from behind me but I recognize the voice. It is Eric. It sounds like he has stopped just behind me, next to Tris.

"They really can't see us? Or hear us?" I hear a female ask.

"Oh, they can see and hear. They just aren't processing what they see and hear the same way," Eric replies. "They receive commands from our computers in the transmitters we injected them with and carry them out seamlessly."

Eric steps forward and is now standing beside me. He leans in close and I can see a wicked grin on his face.

"Now this is a happy sight. The legendary Four. No one's going to remember that I came in second now, are they? No one's going to ask me, 'what was it like to train with the guy who has only four fears?'" He pulls his gun from his holster and rests the barrel against my temple. My heart is pounding so loud I'm sure he must be able to hear it. Eric tilts his head and says "Think anyone would notice if he accidentally got shot?"

"Go ahead, he's nothing now," the woman says. I still can't see her and I don't recognize her voice. Is she Dauntless? Is she Erudite?

"Too bad you didn't just take Max up on his offer, Four. Well, too bad for you anyway," Eric says.

My hand involuntarily starts to reach for my holster but stops when Tris puts her gun to Eric's forehead.

"Get your gun away from his head," she says.

Eric's eyes widen with surprise and his face goes blank for an instant before he regains his composure and says "You won't shoot me."

"Interesting theory," Tris says.

She angles her gun downward and fires, hitting him in the foot. Eric screams and drops his gun so he is able to grab his foot with both hands. Instantly I grab my gun and fire at the woman's leg. I feel Tris' fingers clenching my arm and we run. We head for an alley but I can hear footsteps behind us and we still have two hundred yards to go. I reach for Tris' hand pull her along with me but she is having trouble keeping up with me although I'm sure she's already running as fast as she can. I can tell she's beginning to stumble. Suddenly I hear a gunshot. Tris screams and she falls to the pavement. Tris has been shot! I stop and kneel beside her searching for the bullet wound on her body. She is grasping at her right shoulder and a red stain appears on her jacket.

"Run," she yells at me.

The last few minutes have been chaos and I know there are still soldiers racing to catch up to us but I'm surprisingly calm and thinking clearly. There is no way I'm going to leave her. Whatever our fate is, we will face it together.

"No," I tell her.

The soldiers quickly surrounded us and train their guns on us. I reach down to wrap one arm around her waist and help her up, supporting most of her weight. We slowly make our way back in the direction we came.

Eric, whose face is now sickly pale, stands on one foot.

"Divergent rebels. Surrender your weapons."


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Tris leans on me heavily as we are led to the front entrance of Abnegation headquarters. A Dauntless soldier presses the barrel of his gun into my back and prods me through the door. Inside a desk, computer and two empty chairs have been placed in the small room to make an office. Jeanine Matthews sits behind the desk with a phone pressed to her ear.

"Well, send some of them back on the train then," she says. "It needs to be well guarded, it's the most important part – I'm not talk-I have to go."

She ends her call, sets the phone down and looks at me and Tris.

"Divergent rebels," one of the soldiers says.

"Yes, I can see that." Slowly she removes her glasses and sets them on the desk next to the phone.

"You," she says pointing at Tris "I expected. "All the trouble with your aptitude test results made me suspicious from the beginning. But you..." She turns her attention to me and slowly shakes her head. "You, Tobias – or should I call you Four? - managed to elude me," she says in a quiet voice. "Everything about you checked out; test results, initiation simulations, everything. But here you are nonetheless."

I wonder, not for the first time, why Marcus had coached me to make sure I had received that Abnegation result. At the time I had assumed he wanted to make sure I stayed in Abnegation so he could keep me under his control. It wasn't until during my initiation that I realized there was something different about me. Unlike the others, I was aware during simulations and I had the ability to manipulate them. Did Marcus know that I was divergent and had he actually tried to protect me?

Amar had been the one to help me get through my simulations undetected. Jeanine might have the highest I.Q. of the Erudite but she wasn't smart enough to discover me...until now.

"You're the genius," I say to Jeanine. "Why don't you tell me?"

Jeanine smiles. "My theory is that you really do belong in Abnegation. That your divergence is weaker."

"Your powers of deductive reasoning are stunning. Consider me awed," I reply hotly. "Now that your intelligence has been verified, you might want to get on with killing us. You have a lot of Abnegation leaders to murder, after all."

I know it's insanity to speak like this to the woman who has the power to decide if we should live or die, but now that she knows we are divergent, the chances of her letting us live are slim. My only hope now is by aggravating her, she might order us to be shot on site which will at least be a quick death.

Jeanine continues to smile and remains calm. If she is annoyed by my comments she doesn't let it show.

Suddenly Tris falls against me. She must be getting weak from a loss of blood. I put my arm around her waist and help her continue to stand.

"Don't be silly. There is no rush," Jeanine says. "You are both here for an extremely important purpose. You see, it perplexed me that the divergent were immune to the serum that I developed, so I have been working to remedy that. I thought I might have, with the last batch, but as you know, I was wrong. Luckily I have another batch to test."

My heartbeat quickens. This is what I was afraid of. That instead of just shooting us, she wants to turn us into human guinea pigs. She will probably experiment on us until she turns our brains into mush and we die a slow and agonizing death.

"Why bother?" Tris says weakly. I can't help wondering if she has just come to the same conclusion I have.

Jeanine smirks at her. "I have had a question since I began the Dauntless project, and it is this. Why are most of the divergent weak-willed, God-fearing nobodies from Abnegation, of all factions?"

"Weak-willed," I say. "It requires a strong will to manipulate a simulation, last time I checked. Weak-willed is mind-controlling an army because it's too hard for you to train one yourself."

"I am not a fool," Jeanine snaps. "A faction of intellectuals is no army. We are tired of being dominated by a bunch of self-righteous idiots who reject wealth and advancement, but we couldn't do this on our own. And your Dauntless leaders were all too happy to oblige me if I guaranteed them a place in our new, improved government."

"Improved," I scoff.

"Yes, improved," Jeanine retorts. "Improved, and working toward a world in which people will live in wealth, comfort and prosperity."

"At whose expense?" Tris asks. Her voice sounds weak. "All that wealth...doesn't come from nowhere."

"Currently, the factionless are a drain on our resources," Jeanine replies. "As is Abnegation. I am sure that once the remains of your old faction are absorbed into the Dauntless army, Candor will cooperate and we will finally be able to get on with things."

"Get on with things," I spit out with disgust. "Make no mistake. You will be dead before the day is out, you-"

"Perhaps if you could control your temper," Jeanine says interrupting me "you would not be in this situation to begin with, Tobias."

"I'm in this situation because you put me here," I say angrily. "The second you orchestrated an attack against innocent people."

"Innocent people." Jeanine repeats with humor in her voice. "I find that a little funny, coming from you. I would expect Marcus's son to understand that not all those people are innocent." She sits on the edge of the desk. "Can you tell me honestly that you wouldn't be happy to discover that your father was killed in the attack?"

I don't know when or where Jeanine got her information about Marcus but there is no doubt now that she was the one responsible for releasing the news articles which accused him of abuse. The information in those statements was accurate. I hate that I've never been able to bring myself to forgive him. I believe in forgiveness, especially in those rare moments when it occurs to me that he might actually have been trying in his own sick and twisted ways to help me. But the truth is I wouldn't mourn for him if he died.

"No," I say through gritted teeth. "But at least his evil didn't involve the widespread manipulation of an entire faction and the systematic murder of every political leader we have."

I stare at Jeanine with hatred filling every part of me. She stares back for a moment and then clears her throat.

"What I was going to say," she says, "is that soon, dozens of the Abnegation and their young children will be my responsibility to keep in order, and it does not bode well for me that a large number of them may be divergent like yourselves, incapable of being controlled by the simulations. Therefore, it was necessary that I develop a new form of simulation to which they are not immune. I have been forced to reassess my own assumptions. That is where you come in."

She paces a few steps.

"You are correct to say that you are strong-willed. I cannot control your will. But there are a few things I can control."

She stops pacing and turns to face us.

I feel Tris leaning into me again. She rests her head against my shoulder. She won't be able to stand much longer.

"I can control what you see and hear," Jeanine continues. "So I created a new serum that will adjust your surroundings to manipulate your will. Those who refuse to accept our leadership must be closely monitored. You will be the first test subject, Tobias. Beatrice, however...you are too injured to be of much use to me, so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting."

The terror of her statement sinks in quickly. She is going to test her serums on me. And Tris...she is going to kill Tris. Taking Tris from me and leaving me to be experimented on alone would be it's own form of excruciating torture. I see Tris look up at me and her eyes are brimming with tears.

"No," I say shaking my head. My voice trembles as I say "I would rather die."

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," Jeanine replies dismissively.

I can't do it! I won't do it! I scream internally. I know the only option I have left is to do something drastic - to make them shoot me here and now.

I only take a second to gather my courage and then...and then I know this will be the last time I will see Tris – in this life anyway. If I had the time and the opportunity there would be so many things I would say to her. She has made such a difference in the short time I have known her. Most of what she has done for me I suspect she doesn't even realize. Before I met her I was dead inside. So beaten down from all the bad things life had handed to me. I was ready to leave Dauntless even – a place where I sought refuge and had not only managed to survive but had even excelled. But it was empty. And then she landed on that net and turned my world upside down. For the first time I met someone who I dared to open myself up to and share my secrets. I found someone who made me feel I was worthy of existing. I experienced what it was like to love someone and to be loved.

I take Tris' face in my hands and kiss her. Then, without hesitation I lunge across the desk and wrap my fingers around Jeanine's throat. Vaguely I hear a rush of Dauntless soldiers and their guns click as they prepare to fire their weapons. I hear Tris scream. I expect to hear a gunshot or two and feel an instant of pain as a bullet enters my brain before the sensation of death overtakes me, but instead all I feel are strong arms pulling me away from Jeanine and forcing me to the ground. Knees press into my shoulders pinning me to the ground and hands against the back of my head smash my face into the floor so hard I can hardly breathe.

My only thought now is that I failed. I belong to Jeanine now and she will use me as a test subject instead of mercifully killing me. I hear rustling in the direction of the desk and in my peripheral vision see Jeanine approach me with a syringe in her hand. I make one last desperate attempt to escape by throwing my elbow back as hard as I can into the soldier's face. The guard slams the heel of his gun into the side of my head and I feel the prick of the needle in my neck. My entire body goes limp.

"Let him up," I hear a woman say. Her voice sounds hollow and almost dream-like.

I stand up but I'm confused as I look at the people around me. I can't remember any of their names or anything about them. I don't know where I am or how I got here, but I'm not alarmed about that. I feel calm and somehow I know that these people are my friends...I just can't remember...

"Tobias," I hear a girl calling my name. "Tobias!"

"He doesn't know you," says the older lady in the blue dress.

I look over my shoulder and see a short, thin girl with blonde hair. Her face is pale and her eyes are wide with fright. Blood drips down her arm from a wound on her right shoulder. I don't know this girl anymore than I know anyone else in the room but just as I knew they were my friends, I know she is my enemy.

Before anyone can stop me I rush toward her and grab her by the throat. One of the uniformed guards pulls me away from the girl and I hear her gasping. I continue to struggle to break free from the men holding me back. I don't know why I want to harm her, I don't know what she's done. I only know that I would need to kill her if they would let me get to her.

"The simulation manipulates him," the woman in blue says, "by altering what he sees – making him confuse enemy with friend."

I hear and understand the words she says but I don't know who she is talking to or whom she is talking about.

"The advantage to this version of the simulation," she continues, "is that he can act independently, and is therefore far more effective than a mindless soldier. Send him to the control room. We'll want a sentient being there to monitor things and, as I understand it, he used to work there."


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

The girl with the blonde hair is led out of the room and as soon as she is gone I feel calm again. I follow a few of the soldiers outside to a car and soon we are driving through the streets of the city. It isn't long before we stop near a building that looks like it's built almost entirely of glass. Something looks very familiar about it and nags at the back of my mind. I feel like I should know more about this place than I do but I can't make myself remember. We enter the building and make our way to a room filled with computers and monitors. Again I have the sensation that I know this room – that I'm on the verge of remembering something and as soon as I can recall to mind whatever it is I'm trying to think of then it will explain everything. It's perplexing that I can't remember so many things and yet I know exactly what I need to do. On the wall opposite the door are dozens of computer screens, each a foot tall and a foot wide. Each screen, except one, shows a different part of the city. On one screen in the middle runs a continuous line of code. I sit down in the chair behind one of the the desks.

I watch the program for hours, a series of numbers and letters flashing by on the screen faster than you can read them. I watch the different parts of the city being monitored. I know I need to stay here and make sure the program continues to run. It doesn't occur to me to leave the room. But in the back of my mind I'm still trying to remember...

"Tobias," I hear a female voice from the doorway.

I turn my head and see a small, thin young woman with blonde hair standing in the open door. Something about her is almost familiar – especially here in this place...but I don't know who she is. I frown and decide she must be an enemy – an enemy sent here to stop me from running the program the way I know I'm supposed to. I raise my gun and point it at her.

"Drop your weapon," I say.

"Tobias," she says, "you're in a simulation."

She is lying to me. She is trying to make me stop the program. I must keep the program running – I can't let anyone stop it.

"Drop your weapon," I say again, "or I'll fire."

She bends down and then stands again.

"Drop your weapon!" I shout.

"I did," she says.

Suddenly she sprints towards me and grabs my wrist. I pull the trigger but she has managed to throw my aim off and the bullet just misses her head and hits the wall instead. She kicks me in the ribs and bends my wrist back hard, making me drop the gun. She dives for the gun but before she can reach it, I grab her and pull her back. Our eyes make contact and cause me to pause for just a second. I thought I almost recognized her but...no, she is my enemy who is trying to make me end the program. I hit her in the jaw and her head snaps back. She throws her hands up trying to protect her face and with her foot kicks the gun farther behind her out of my reach. She kicks me in the stomach but I grab her foot and pull her down and she lands on her shoulder. She lets out a cry of pain but as soon as I start to bring my foot back to kick her she rolls over onto her knees and scrambles for the gun. I grab her hair and yank her to the side. She reaches back and grabs my wrist so I throw my arm to the side causing her to hit her head on the wall.

"Tobias," she says pleadingly.

I don't know her but she knows my name. Why can't I remember her?

She kicks again, this time hitting my leg. I lose my grip on her hair and she pounces on the gun. Quickly she flips her body over and points the gun at me.

"Tobias," she says again and she slowly stands, "I know you're in there somewhere."

I can't let her stop the program.

"Tobias, please," she cries. There are tears streaming down her face now. "Please. See me."

All I can think is that she is here to stop the program – and I can't let her do that. I move towards her.

"Please see me, Tobias, please!"

She still has the gun aimed to shoot me but just as I reach her to knock it away she turns the gun in her hands so it is pointed at herself and presses it into my hand. I take hold of the gun and push the barrel to her forehead. I feel her reach out and press her hand to my chest, right over my heart. I stare into her eyes. I can feel my heart pounding. A bullet clicks into the chamber and my finger is on the trigger. I can shoot her. I'm supposed to kill her but...I don't want to. There is something familiar about her. I concentrate hard, trying to remember.

"Tobias," she says again, "It's me."

And suddenly she steps forward and wraps her arms around me. Her head leans against my chest. This is familiar. Her voice. Her embrace. And suddenly I remember...it all comes flooding back to me at once.

I drop the gun and grab her shoulders, momentarily forgetting one is wounded. She cries out in pain as I push her back so I can look at her. I see fear in her eyes, but I don't want to hurt her anymore.

"Tris," I say before I kiss her.

I place my arms around her to hug her and lift her off the ground, holding her against me so tight she probably can't breathe. I set her down again and gaze into her eyes. Lightly I brush my fingertips over her forehead, eyebrows, cheeks and lips. She had a gun but she didn't shoot me. I didn't know what I was doing and I was fighting her – I could have killed her. But even though she had the chance to kill me she didn't do it. Why? She gave me the gun and I almost shot her! I groan and tears spring into my eyes at the thought. I almost killed the girl I love! If she hadn't made me hear her and made me wake up...I kiss her again. She wraps her arms around me, leaning into my chest and I hear her muffled crying.

"How did you do it?" she eventually asks.

"I don't know," I reply. "I just heard your voice."

She pulls away from me and wipes her face with her hands. Then we both turn to look at the wall of monitors. The code still running on the center screen.

"Was I running the simulation?" I ask. I'm horrified to think I might have been a part of the attack – even if I didn't know what I was doing.

"I don't know if you were running it so much as monitoring it," she replies. "It's already complete. I have no idea how, but Jeanine made it so it would work on its own."

"It's...incredible," I say shaking my head. "Terrible, evil...but incredible."

Something on one of the monitoring screens suddenly catches her attention and she says "Tobias, now!"

I run over to the computer keyboard and pull up the program on the computer. I need to stop the simulation but it occurs to me that there might be some sort of default built into the program that would make the Dauntless do something atrocious if the program is altered or unexpectedly halted. I don't know what this simulation is programed to do and I don't have time to try and figure it out. I need to think of a way to stop it quickly and in a way that ensures no one else gets hurt.

I decide the safest way might just be to make the program stop itself and the easiest way to do that is to create an endless loop. Programs like this are usually written so if the same commands are repeated over and over again after a set number of times the program will stop and wait for user input. I tap on the screen and scroll through the code looking for the end of a command so I can type in my own bit of code to make it repeat itself. I find what I am looking for and quickly type the command.

"Tobias," Tris says again, sounding desperate this time.

I press the enter key and hold my breath. It will only take a second to find out if my plan worked. I look up at the first screen I see which shows Dauntless soldiers aiming their guns at Abnegation members and I am relieved to see their arms drop to their sides. The Dauntless turn their heads from side to side and drop their guns. Some sink to their knees and hold their heads, rocking back and forth.

It's over. The simulation is no longer controlling them. I reach down and remove one side of the computer case.

"I have to get the data," I explain to Tris, "or they'll just start the simulation again."

I quickly remove the hard drive.

"Got it," I say. I hand it to Tris and she puts it in her back pocket.

"We have to leave," she says.

"Yes, we do," I agree. I put my arm around her shoulders and lead her out of the room. "Come on."

We walk down the hallway and around the corner. We reach the elevator and there are bodies lying on the ground nearby. Several Dauntless guards dressed in black and a man wearing gray. Tris turns away, an awful sound escaping from her throat and vomits against the wall. I take another look at the dead Abnegation member and realize it is Tris' father, Andrew Prior. Tris covers her mouth with her hand and tries to control her sobs. I gently lead her into the elevator which takes us down to the glass room, past a shouting crowd of Dauntless soldiers and to the building exit.

As soon as we step out into the sunlight a boy who I recognize through Tris' simulations as her brother Caleb, runs towards us. Tris falls into his arms and I hear him ask "Dad?"

Tris shakes her head.

"Well," he says fighting back tears, "he would have wanted it that way."

I look away from them and begin to step forward to give them a little space to grieve alone when I stop mid-stride. My entire body stiffens as I look into the eyes of my father who is standing in front of me.

I had always wondered what a reunion with my father would be like but I didn't expect this and I didn't expect it today. Marcus walks up to me and puts his arms around me, hugging me tightly as if to show everyone what a loving father he is. I stand still with my arms at my sides feeling as if I'm frozen in place.

"Son," Marcus sighs.

I wince slightly. I can't speak. I can't move.

"Hey," I hear Tris say. She moves to stand between us and pushes Marcus back. "Hey. Get away from him. Stay away."

"Beatrice, what are you doing?" I hear Caleb ask.

"Tris," I say.

I'm not a little boy any more. I've experienced meeting my father in my fear landscape over and over again. It's time for me to do it in real life now.

Marcus gives Tris a hurt look, like he doesn't understand why she would be demanding he keep his distance from me.

"Not all those Erudite articles were full of lies." she says, frowning at Marcus.

"What are you talking about?" Marcus asks. "I don't know what you've been told, Beatrice, but -"

"The only reason I haven't shot you yet is because he's the one who should get to do it," she interrupts. "Stay away from him or I'll decide I no longer care."

I put my hands on Tris' arms and gently squeeze. I need to be the one to deal with this, but not now.

"We have to go," I say and I can hear the quiver in my voice. "The train should be here any second."

Marcus stares at Tris for a few seconds more and then begins to walk toward the tracks and the rest of us follow. For the first time I notice Peter, holding his arm where he has been shot, is also there and joining the group. We get to the tracks and I stare straight ahead. I'm still in shock at seeing my father again and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.

"Sorry," I hear Tris say apologetically.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I tell her. I take her hand and I can't help noticing that I am trembling.

"If we take the train in the opposite direction, out of the city instead of in, we can get to Amity headquarters," Tris says. "That's where the others went."

"What about Candor?" Caleb asks. "What do you think they'll do?"

No one answers. None of us knows for sure what Candor will do. I don't think they will join with the Erudite, but they may not be willing to fight them either.

We stand next to the tracks, waiting for the train, each of us lost in our own thoughts. It doesn't take me long to realize Tris is about to fall over with exhaustion so I pick her up and carry her in my arms, letting her rest her head on my shoulder.

When I finally see a train approaching I set her down so she can jump onto the train. I sit with my back against the train car with Tris on one side of me and Peter and Marcus on the other side. Caleb sits across from Tris. I pull Tris against me and we bend our knees and bow our heads together trying to create some barrier of privacy.

"My parents," she says. "They died today."

Her mother died today too? I remember meeting Natalie on Visiting Day. I remember how she smiled and how gracious she was to me, even when I was quite rude in my attempt to keep her from discovering my real name. I remember being struck by the thought of how much she obviously loved her daughter.

"They died for me," she says.

"They loved you," I tell her. "To them there was no better way to show you." And I know this is true because they were real Abnegation.

"You nearly died today," I say. "I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me, Tris?"

"I couldn't do that," she says. "It would have been like shooting myself."

I lean in closer to her. "I have something to tell you," I say.

Her fingertips brush along the back of my hand and she looks up at me.

"I might be in love with you," I say with a smile. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."

"That's sensible of you," she replies in a teasing voice. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."

I laugh and let my nose slide along her jaw until I reach the side of her head, just behind her ear and kiss her neck.

"Maybe I'm already sure," I say, "and I just don't want to frighten you."

She give a small laugh and says "Then you should know better."

"Fine," I say. "Then I love you."

We kiss for a few minutes and I manage to forget that her brother and my father are sitting so close to us and probably giving us disapproving looks.

Tris takes the hard drive out of her pocket and turns it over and over in her hands. She clutches it to her chest, leans her head on my shoulder and finally drifts off to sleep.

The attack on Abnegation was stopped but the conflict in the city has just begun. Abnegation and Dauntless are both broken and their members divided. No one knows yet how Amity and Candor will respond.

I look down at Tris sleeping and kiss the top of her head before I close my eyes to sleep too. I know we have a long journey ahead of us and there are a lot of unknowns, but we have each other - and as long as we have that, I know we'll be alright.

THE END


End file.
